A
female
age
36-40,
*ar88
writes:Hi, Am I in the wrong? and did I ask too much from him?Right Id had been dating this guy for a couple of months and thought it wasn't working out (We had meet on match.com)We would go to his and watch the football or racing and stuff. Whenever I asked for us to do something different he would say he didnt have the money or wasn't feeling well. So I got fed up with this and said I wanted us just to be friends. He begged me to stay with him and he said he would make more effort... Which he did for a couple of days and then back to his usual self. This happened several times. (He always had the money to go to foodball twice a week and see him mates up the pub... and I never stopped him once!) We went from texting like 20 times a day, a quick call before bed and seeing each other 3 times a week to 1 text every 3 days,no calls and once a week going to his. I said this wasn't what I wanted. The last straw was when we had arranged to go out for dinner and he cancelled while I was getting ready to go. He told me he didnt want to go as he was dieting and then he went out for dinner with his mate instead... he said that I was being unfair getting annoyed with him! I then got a text from his mobile say he had slept with someone else the evening before. I was very upset by this... but he told me his friend had sent me the text as a joke. I Didnt know whether or not to believe him. So I decided to look to see if he had been on his match profile since we had been together. He had been on there! I was upset and hurt, so decided to make a profile as someone else and speak to him. I sent him a message and he messaged me back the next morning giving me his mobile number, we then spoke online for an hour on IM I asked him all about his past relationships and he didnt mention me onece, he told me he was looking for mrs right. After an hour he traced my IP address and relised it was me and now says I was in the wrong for hunni trapping him and that he did nothing wrong and that I need to applogie to him.He had told me that I have trust issues and that I will never keep a man as I ask too much from them. Im now really confused because to me maybe 5 texts a day with a 10 min chat before bed is normal.Iv now been broken up from him for a bit and his found out im going on a date with someone this evening and he says his knows the bloke and his gonna beat him up because im his, he then put the phone down on me and I rang back to plead him not to hurt this bloke and he told me Im a bunny boiler and not to ring him. Do you think I crossed the line by chatting to him as someone else? Am I asking too much from men? Why is he gonna hurt this new bloke? Thank you for reading this Car xxPs. I'd be really greatful if I guys could give me their view.
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male
reader, 1DrLove  +, writes (25 December 2010):
The guy didn't have to take the bait, so it's not like you did anything so bad.
You were right to be suspicious but from what you said, it looked like the relationship was winding down anyway. (You don't go from lots of contact daily to very little each week if everything is OK)
Date someone else and don't just go over to his place and give it up so easily.
A
female
reader, Car88 +, writes (23 December 2010):
Car88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there,
Thanks for the advice, just to answer some of your point. Yes we were in a serious relationship, he told me he was in love with me and we had discussed getting our own place next year.
Caring guy. Thank you for your male view. I totally agree with you that I was wrong to trap him but I guess Iv realised that like you say I could have lost a decent guy but- if he was decent he wouldnt be on dating websites when he has a girlfriend anyway. I only became insecure after recieving a text from him saying he had slept with someone else which I think is understandable?
Thank you all again for the advice :) xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): Why would you want to be with him anyway? He sound horrible. Maybe you should not tried entrapment, but never mind. He turned you into someone you'd rather not be. Don't take any notice of his hollow treats. Have nothing else to do with him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 December 2010):
I think you did go too far. You need to seriously question yourself if you were so insecure that you needed to set up a whole new profile and try to trap him. You can see where this behaviour leads. Now you'd found that he's a nutcase and will try to hurt you. This could all have been avoided if instead of trying to trap him, you accepted that he was no good and just ended it.
Do not ever try to trap a man or trick him. This is the result. Men don't appreciate being trapped this way. You were lucky on this occasion that he was a crap guy. Imagine if he' been decent? You'd have lost someone good.
Cut contact with him and NEVER speak to him again. As for his threats, I suspect they mean nothing.
And don't trick, set up fake accounts or be someone you're not again. If you meet a guy and he seems like he's crap, don't waste time, just get rid of him.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (23 December 2010):
 Let me get one thing straight... You are not 'his' you guys broke up, leaving you free to do whatever the hell you want. I think you should contact your ex and tell him exactly that!! He's jealous because you're not falling over everything and everyone to get to him!!! If he wants to threaten you and throw his toys out of his pram, then let him, he'll just create more work for himself when he has to pick them back up again.
I seriously doubt that he would physically harm your new date, if he does, then that's blatant assault, get the police on him if he does...
Get your ex out of your life, it sounded like he never even bothered to care about you or your feelings. Go and enjoy your life with this new man, best of luck!!!
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