A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I could ramble on about a introduction about my life, just like everyone's life... there is always drama. You cannot prevent it. Unless you just are immaculately great at keeping out of trouble.Here is a half India half English girl by blood. 23 years old, and managed to make a big mess out of my life.It seems a mess because the one person that makes everything normal is not here.I am married legally for 2 years march'11. We have known each other 7 years and been together 6 of those years. Our friendship started on-line and we started calling. We were both going through family issues.. and found comfort in each other and after almost a year he told me that he liked me more than just a friend. I didn't take him seriously till I offended him. (That's how I remember accepting his strange proposal)That same year during the summer I had met someone else, and through some volunteering service we just said hi and bye. I have to admit I have a crazy crush on him, but had told myself that he is way out my league. After a few weeks or days... (I can't remember..) I was helping in the community kitchen, when I met his mother. Not knowing it was his mum, later that day I had bumped into him in the lunch que, when his mother came over and was like he's my son. And since then we were pretty much insuperable. I think his parents wished we had got together... but I had always thought he could only see me as a friend. He used to get me little gifts, with someone special on it and wrote me a letter, about some feelings... a good bye note before I was leaving for India. Now since Dec'2004 alot has changed. We still managed to meet up after I had left for my studies in India. He had visited India Aug'2005, and I was looking forward to introducing him to my husband (boyfriend at the time), but that never happened. I did manage to meet him before he left for England though. Neither of them were interested in meeting each other, which now I understand but did not then. I went on about the other guy to my boyfriend like mad... saying that he had to meet him. And I feel that my friend just didn't want to meet up. Maybe felt uncomfortable or something.Now I am married, it has been 5 years this summer since we had met. It was again in Aug. I did not expect to see him although his mother said he would be there and that I must come to the programme. So I did, and funnily enough I saw him, and he was really happy to see me. It was a strange and crazy moment, after that we kind of stuck together... I want to see him being himself again. I went with the party back to his home. Where we normally hung out before I would go home, and as usual my headaches started... I have noticed whenever I used to be around him at his place I always have a headache. We had an awkward moment, when he put his arm around me. We tried to get over it and just behave normally, now it got a little complicated... the chemistry and everything seemed as though nothing had changed.Now the situation is... he makes me feel just so right when we are together... and when I am with my husband its a safe haven for me. I am young... with no child... confused and have no clue to what I have done. My husband did not propose but want to marry me no matter what. No matter how many times I would say I don't feel right. We are not right. And this has been ever so clearly explained more in detail over the last three years... but I had managed to convince myself that it was all my head just going out of control.Now I know nothing.The question is, what do I do?Do I try and figure this thing out with my friend and try to let my husband to know once again that I don't think it will work?I know it sounds stupid to get married to someone you never felt so right with, but I was just doing my best to avoid conflict... and thought if I had married him no one before would matter and no one after. I guess I went the wrong way.Please help.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 You may have married your husband without really knowing clearly just what you were getting into, while still friendly with this other man.......
However, that may be, you have now to make a choice: think about your life with your husband. Is it mostly pleasant and enjoyable? Does he respect you and act in a considerate manner?
OR: is it mostly difficult, lots of fights and arguments, so that you both wish you'd never married?
OR a mix of both? Sometimes happy and good, but with the disagreements that inevitably crop up in any marriage? Keep in mind that when conflicts arise, its very important to be able to say what's on your mind without (if you can), leveling blame, accusations, anger and to do so when you're in a calm, open frame of mind - and for your husband to thoughtfully listen and respond. Then, you listen to what he has to say and consider his point of view.
That's all for starters.
IF the two of you are thoroughly miserable, however, and have tried to work things out, it may be time to consider getting divorced.
When you come to a decision, either to remain married, or to call it quits, THEN once your divorce is final, you will be free to begin to consider your friend. Finally, if that does happen and you and your friend begin to date, please, take it slow and go into it with your eyes wide open!
Hope this helps.
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