A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am married and have great relationship with my husband.Few weeks back i met three people at a party and two of them were husband and wife and one was single guy who flirted with me throughout the night and i flirted back a little but it was all innocent.We were drunk, he gave me lots of compliments, we danced together while drunk and he was holding me from the back around my waiste while dancing for few minutes i think but nothing else happened,no kissing or anything.Later that night the four of us went out to eat and i was still under influence and doing silly things and said something too stupid and admitted to being attracted to him in front of the others so it looked like i was hitting on him.It was innocent flirting nothing else but i regretted saying that in the morning.By the end of the night we all exchanged numbers and agreed to hanging out again sometime.i lost the numbers of the other two(husband and wife) somehow and only had his number.I dont work or go to school or anything and couple of weeks later i was bored and was trying to get a few friends together to hangout and I texted him and asked if he was up for going out and also asked him to check with the other two(husband and wife).Long story short plans didn't workout that night but i agreed to hanging out with him with a group of people but not alone.Now the problem is I am wondering if i made a mistake by texting him.I'm wondering what is the message that he got from my communication with him.Did he think i was intending to cheat by asking to go out? i know i was not, i was going out with group of my friends and asked him to come with the other two and that's it but maybe i gave him a wrong message because it started off as a flirtation and maybe i should have just left it there.I told my husband everything that happened and he didn't think much of it but i'm bit of an over thinker and I'm beating my self up over it.I want to know if i came across as i was trying to hook up with him because i was not.i dont want to hurt my reputation and it's bothering me and i need to get over this feeling
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Next time you cheat on your husband with this same guy or another, you'd better do it carefully. Your husband might run after you and/or your lover with a weapon or even stalk you. And also, be wary of chatting and being friendly with other guys, especially single guys, while you're a married girl. They can easily lure you to cheat on your husband, which is why women cheat on their partners more often in larger numbers than men because women cannot resist sexual temptation that well. Also, keep in mind that women pay higher costs of infidelity than men, due to physical consequences they face like being pregnant with their lover's child, paternity uncertainty, acquiring an STD, etc. It's dangerous plus there's also the risk of being raped, kidnapped, or even killed by the lover too. So, you'd better watch out and drop this guy if he keeps pestering you or put a restraining order on him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): Don't kid yourself.
This is exactly how affairs start.
"i think i enjoyed the attention and was somehow leading him on but i had no real intention to cheat"
Rarely do you "intend" to cheat till someone gets close enough to do it. That is where this was headed (may still be headed that way from the posting you put up).
Get a book on affairs, read it, and you will find this is the case.
"I want to know if i came across as i was trying to hook up with him because i was not."
Really? You were dancing with him, flirting with him, drinking with him, telling him you were attracted to him. What's a guy supposed to think?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): Wow i love the way some conservative minds work! @ mr annonomous."Cheating doesn't ONLY mean having sex with someone who is not your spouse. If your heart is elsewhere, you have betrayed that person" Ha!! I didn't know marriage involves complete control over someones harmones.We are humans and will be attracted to a million people all our lives and that's just being human.Just because I'm married does not mean that i expect angelina jolie and all the victoria secret models to be suddenly unattractive to my husband.My relationship is not so weak that I would be alarmed if my husband was dancing or flirting with other girls if it is all harmless, someone he danced with CANT take him away from me.Maybe i crossed the line by communicating with him later but I didn't let it escalate and told my husband everything from the begining. i think pinktopaz said it right that even though i had no real intention to cheat but was i liking the attention.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): Bored and lonely wives are dangerous.Contact with a man other than your husband that involves flirting, dancing, touching, and holding are not behaviors that reflect well on you.Cheating doesn't ONLY mean having sex with someone who is not your spouse. If your heart is elsewhere, you have betrayed that person.So do you want us to convince you it was okay and you weren't cheating? I really can't do that, I'd be alarmed as hell if my significant other acted that way. You dodged the "sex" bullet this time, but if you're bored and lonely, what will you do next time?You should get a hobby, find some work (unpaid if you have to), charity work, community organizing... Something to occupy your time. Being the wife of a doctor is not easy -- they are married to their work... "do no harm" refers to their patients, not their family life. And their patients will come first.But you have to admit, it's a pretty noble thing at the end of the day. And you're probably living pretty damn comfortably, too.Consider the hobby/community service thing. Also, talk to your husband about getting some "hardware" for you. He has to understand the fact you have needs to, and he's not around as often as either of you probably want.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): thanks for all the replies.I think all this had something to do with being bored and lonely.My husband is a doctor and works long hours and I dont have a work permit and i dont do anything and stay at home alot so I was just bored.Yes i think i enjoyed the attention and was somehow leading him on but i had no real intention to cheat. The day i asked him to go out some of my friends were also coming and my husband was expected to be there too at some point so it's not like i was going out with him alone and putting my self in a situation to cheat. I didn't text him again or hangout with him and i dont plan to.
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male
reader, hiro06 +, writes (11 November 2010):
If you told your husband then you are not cheating. Infidelity involves lying and manipulating others, but you were honest. I dont know if the other gentlemen misinterpreted you signs or not, but all you have to do is set things straight with him. Its ok to flirt. We flirt everyday from giving complaint or opening up doors for people, smiling, and yes even dancing. We all flirt just remember to keep it just simple harmless flirting. And yes you are just beating yourself up if you told your husband everything and he shrugged it off then I wouldnt worry about it too much =). Just for future reference watch how much alcohol you consume because under the influence we all do things we normally wouldnt do just be careful.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (11 November 2010):
 I think that he probably thought he had a chance to hook up. I don't think you were 'in-your-face' aggressive, but if he's not shy about reading signals, I do think that you gave him the impression that he had a shot. Maybe.
If you drop it and continue to be loyal to your fella, you will not pick up a reputation. Stay loyal and committed, watch yourself when you drink and forgive yourself for this one silly slip up. Don't let it happen again. Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 November 2010):
It sounds pretty shady to me. I think you like the attention you were getting from him and you admit that you were attracted to him. I don't think you texted him because you just wanted to "hang out" as buddies and although you may not have had any real intentions of cheating, you wanted to hang out with him and not your husband because you're liking the attention from someone else.
I think it's good to feel guilty about it, it shows that you probably do have some morals and you know that it's not right; otherwise, you wouldn't be beating yourself up over it. Your husband probably didn't really have a reaction because he didn't really know what to make of it, but it's probably running through his mind. Quit texting and hanging out with the other dude. If he's fulfilling something your husband isn't then you need to figure that out and communicate with your husband. Maybe your hubby isn't making you feel pretty or special and you were enjoying getting that from someone else. But it's definitely not worth ruining your marriage over.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): I think the reason your beating yourself up about it is because your are somewhat interested in this man and your feeling guilty.if you knew you made a mistake the first night by flirting and admitting to him you were attracted then you would have texted him agian.yes you came off as you wanted to cheat. ask yourself if you would invite your husband to hang out with the two of you?? if not u know its wrong. but your not a bad person everyone makes mistakes my advice is to leave this man alone before something happens
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (11 November 2010):
Never put yourself in a situation to cheat. You were interested in him. Deny it as much as you like but he would be in you soon or later. I say spend more time with your husband.
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