A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is probably a common question but it's got me very confused.There's a girl who I've known for about three months now in the institution I'm learning at; we're on the same course and work on the same table so I see her every day outside of holidays.In the first few weeks I liked her and showed a slight interest but didn't get that much into her; lately, however, the past month or so, her and her friends have started coming out with ours alot more, and I find myself with her more and more and our relationship becoming more intimate without being at all sexual.A week or two ago, a mutual best friend found out about my interest and started investigating (which got on my nerves a little bit to be honest!), and initially, the girl I like blushed and answered with "I don't know" in response, and later on came out with the line, "I'm worried that I'll do something to ruin our friendship, as it happened far too recently".Now - I've heard the letdown many times before, "I like you as a friend but...", but the fact is it sounds as if she has had a past experience that soured her...I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks but we keep texting and chatting on the internet, but I'm stuck. I'm hoping it becomes clear as to what to think when I see her again soon, but I don't know.Thoughts?
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female
reader, xAx +, writes (4 January 2010):
 Well then, she definately needs time to make up her mind! And you need to help convince her that she won't and hasn't done anything wrong e.g. talking about how much of a great time you had just snuggling together
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe's not scared at all - we spend alot of time with eachother and we go out most nights now. We've sat together for hours, even slept in the same bed, cuddled (and this was after finding out what she had said to our friend). It's just I'm not the most confident and I have friends elsewhere who are my best in just as much a level of intimacy, so I didn't - don't - know whether or not that's a sign, whether she's into it or not.
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (3 January 2010):
It's hard to say if she is blaming herself for everything. But as she said " I'm worried that I'll do something to ruin our friendship.." does say she did blame herself for what happened with that boy.
Has she shown obvious liking back to you? If yes, this means that she is confident enough try with you. If she is really shy around you, that means she's still scared and needs more time. Remember, you need to find a time that good for her and you. X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply :)
I know her fairly well and I know about her past experiences so I'm fairly sure she's worried because her last relationship ended in what she thought good terms but descended into the other person acting horribly towards her, and the other experience was, from what I've heard, a kiss that she thought was the start of something but again, the other person didn't want more.
Could she be blaming herself for both situations?
As for telling her, I feel ready now. I've had a while of putting it off and 'missed opportunities' but I never felt ready to tell her how I feel. If I tell her when I see her in a week or two, will she be freaked out or scared or anything? I really do feel I know her well enough not to let a rejection spoil our friendship.
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (3 January 2010):
It could imply she has insecurities or it could imply that she cheated. She said it happened too recently, which says that she doesn't want anything serious at the moment as she is afraid of the incident happening again too soon. Get to know her and give her time, and then tell her your feelings as you don't want to scare her away. You could also in process of time find out if she cheated or has insecurities. If it's insecurities, then you need to support her and be positive. If she cheated, then you should decided if you want to continue being with her.
Hope this helps :)
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