A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a little bit worried about something my boyfriend said to me. Maybe im just over protective but i feel he's let a little secret out by accident?. My boyfriend's pet died suddenly late one evening a few days ago. He contacted me by phone and I tried my best to comfort him.I lost a pet that I loved and I know how he feels. But the following day when I went to visit him.I saw that he was deeply sad and slightly depressesd. He said to me he needs to let all of his close friends and family know about the death. He said I need to let my ex girl friend know about this, I havnt spoken to her in a while and also let my cousin know. He then said the people that can understand how much the pet ment to him are the ones who have known him for quite a long time. hes had this pet for 8yrs. we have been together for 4.I feel as though i do not mean anything to him. and to make matters worse iv just realised hes still got his ex girlfriends number in his phone.for how long i wonder? and saying that he hasnt spoken to her in a while doesnt make things better. I said nothing after he came out with that strange comment.Its funny how he made it clear to me a few years ago that he doesnt like me being pally with my ex's. so iv removed numbers from my phone and stopped talking to them. I dont really need them as friends.But my boyfriend.. well it looks like theres a few things that he could be hiding from me.Iv noticed his phone is on vibrate sometimes or he will keep phone calls from certain females short.sometimes you cant ignore these little signs...
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cousin, ex girlfriend, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your really good responses! unfortunetly a chain of events have happend and it envolves girls on facebook claiming to know him!and would like to talk about what hes been up to behind my back. need i say more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): why would the death of his pet be important to know for the ex? Why tell her? What is he expecting from her?
As him!
If there wasn't any reason to talk to her in the past, the death of a pet isn't! If you don't have contact to your ex, you wouldn't even tell about the death of a parent!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): It doesnt mean he is still pally with his ex,would you not have picked up on it before now, as you have been with him 4 years? What is standing out to me is that he feels the need to tell others,that he must think he cant talk to you or you wont understand. With the speed you have jumped to your conclusions and suddenly its now about you,seems to be why i`m thinking this. It all suggests that it could be you end up having him listening to your problems because his upset has suddenly turned to yourself and isnt about his loss anymore. Yes. "Its all about you."
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A
male
reader, rdbrown +, writes (25 January 2011):
Ahhh...I'm with you on being funny about ex boy/girlfriends! I have no easy way to say it, but my girlfriend still keeps in touch with a couple of ex boyfriends and I can't help but feel funny about it. However, this is an insecurity that I know I have to get over.Losing a pet is an incredibly hard time for anyone. I have a 5 year old dog who once ALMOST got run over by a car, and although he was totally fine, I broke down in tears just from the thought of him not being around to greet me at the door, and to cuddle up with me on the sofa. In the case of relationships, I honestly believe having an animal who will love you unconditionally is one of the best ways to keep life in the relationship. I've had my dog since he was a pup, and he kept me happy when I was in the darkest days of a horrific divorce. Now, with my new girlfriend, he's as much a part of the family as he ever was and we couldn't love him more. I guess what I'm trying to say is that losing that is hard on someone mentally, and therefore they can be thinking a little strangely!Here's my tuppence worth. Be POSITIVE with your boyfriend, he'll be eating himself up inside, and that feeling of losing unconditional love can be really hard to get over. If though, you show how strong and positive you can be, including calling his ex (if he still wants you to), then it won't become an issue. Be there for him, and make him realize that you would EVEN do that for him, if he asked you to. I think, in doing that, he'll see what a wonderful, supportive person you are and it will bring you closer together. He'll realize that no other girl would have done that for him, and that you are the only one that would! Don't worry about the phone being on vibrate. Mine is always on vibrate, and I promise there's nothing to hide on there. The more you focus on it, the more you draw attention to it and the more he'll feel like he has something to hide. I think it's called a vicious circle...These are fairly standard responses I give on here, but I stand by them, and am happier than I've ever been:1. Stay away from Facebook/checking phone messages if you can't trust yourself to not overreact.2. Stay positive. If you find yourself feeling negative, try and reaffirm your belief in the good points of your relationship. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER! Positive thoughts subconsciously attract other positive thoughts, just like negative ones do.3. As your boyfriend is having a hard time, make him laugh...as much as possible. Here's a good starting point: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ellnbT70Gbo (Made me laugh anyway!! Doesn't have to be this one, but youtube is a great stomping ground for comedy!)I'm certain, if you stay positive and put the past out of your mind as much as possible, you'll both have a long and healthy relationship!Let me know how it goes!
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (25 January 2011):
 Sometimes you can make a big deal out of nothing though aswell.I`m guilty of having a phone full of numbers for people I wil never speak to again - I guess its a bit like horading - I hate to delete. Personally I wouldnt be concerned about it BUT the phone on vibrate may be something to think about.As for letting the ex know the pet has died? I can understand that too if she loved the animal - at times of bereavement all sorts of things go through our minds that wouldnt do so normally.You may be right with your fears, you may be wrong - just keep an open mind until you find something concrete.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): I think you may be reading too much into this. A much loved pet is a member of the family and he is treating this as such. So people who knew the pet, he wants to involve in his lose. Ex girlfriend included. As for the phone and your suspicions. Could it be that this has awoken an insecurity you feel about him. Maybe monitor the situation and take it from there. I hate to say have a peek at his mobile/texts, but if it satisfies your curiousity and sets your mind at rest maybe you should.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): While I find your possible suspicion of cheating unwarranted, I will definitely say there is a communication here that needs addressing. Ask him and be direct about what you felt that day when he brought his ex up and also your concerns about his phone. If he's mature, he'll be honest and you can work from there. Good luck.
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