A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love dearly and passionately a man twice my age, who is married with a beautiful child. His wife and him are separated for the time being, though they have been separated before and reconciled in attempt to make the relationship work for the child. I believe he is not happy with the relationship based on what he's told me about it.His best friend loves me and I love him, but not nearly close to the way I love the first man. In the past I've accepted the second man's invitations to spend time together mostly in effort to spend time with the first man, for they work and travel together and I've accompanied them on their journeys a few times. But it's always been brief times together; I only see them a few times a year. When the three of us are together it is mellow and easy, mostly because my relationship with the second man is still on a friendship level and there's no ties or serious commitments made, though we have been intimate with one another. I wish to be intimate with the first man instead. I feel guilt about all of this.I know I must tell the second man how I feel about the first, I know I must be truthful and I know it will be hard. I need support and advice on how to do this. I also wonder if I should tell the first man how I feel, though I believe him to know already because I feel so strongly it feels as though it obviously emanates from me to him and I feel a reflection of that love from him to me, though to what level I don't know. I tell him I love him when I see him, but it is a spiritual love that I express openly to both of them. The second man knows that I have deep spiritual love for the first man because I have told him, but I don't believe he understands the extent of my true feelings because I have not been clear about it.I know that even if the first man does not want to be with me, I must speak my truth. It is not about getting what I want, it is about absolving myself of this weight and giving the respect to the second man that he deserves.Guidance?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 January 2011):
 I suggest you find a third man and forget all about the first and second man.
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