A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It's been almost 8 months since I moved out from living with my ex. A couple months ago I started feeling better and really started enjoying being single. I started finding what I enjoyed doing and living for myself. But lately I can't stop replaying everything in my head. We started off as the perfect couple and he treated me like a queen. After awhile I found out he lied about a lot of things. I knew he was seperated, but he lied to me about how long it had been, he was still married almost a year after he told me he would be divorced. He also lied and told me he could have kids but cannot. Drugs became an issue, especially cocaine and ecstasy. I did try them (for the first and last time) with him because I wanted to understand. But then I realized he was hididng all this behind my back and continually lying to me. We started fighting all the time. I wasn't perfect, I became way over emotional and cried constantly. It just hurt so bad because I loved this man and we were engaged. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. So I cried, and cried, and we fought. Everything became my fault and I started to believe it. I finally had enough and moved out. But now I regret that choice every moment. We don't speak at all, he moved back home halfway across the country after getting caught about cocaine at work. I know it sounds like it should be easy to see this isn't the best situation, but I can't get it out of my mind. Why didn't he love me the same way? Why can't I stop thinking about him? I miss him everyday. I've gone on dates and all I do is compare them to him, and his confidence. What did I do to push him away and never look back? Did he never love me to begin with? How do I make this stop, I want to live my life again....
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at work, confidence, divorce, drugs, engaged, moved out, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 December 2011):
 P.S. Of course he didn't love you... he was USING you!!!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 December 2011):
The important portion of your submittal is this:
"... I knew he was seperated, but he lied to me about how long it had been, he was still married almost a year after he told me he would be divorced. He also lied and told me he could have kids but cannot. Drugs became an issue, especially cocaine and ecstasy. I did try them (for the first and last time) with him because I wanted to understand. But then I realized he was hididng all this behind my back and continually lying to me..."
Read what you've written again and again until it sinks in that this guy who you've described is not worth the pain and angst of trying to make a life with him....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 You really need to stop punishing yourself with the shoulda woulda coulda have been, becoz you are not doing yourself any favours love. Yes you loved him, he treated you like a queen but your relationship was based on lies and empty promises. He lied to you abt his divorced, that he cld cld have kids. He was being selfish and concieted. To top it up, he is a drug user. What meaningful relationship wil come out with an addict. He must have sapped your emotional and psychological strength. You shld be grateful that you were able to let go otherwise this guy was unable to provide you with the love that you deserve. Now letting go means that you wake everyday with the knowledge that this phase shall pass. You did tha right thing by putting yourself 1st. Gudluck.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Hunny this is normal! A break-up is not easy to go through, especially one with so much deceit. I believe that we go through stages. You were probably feeling better in the beginning coz you were angry. But now that that is wearing off you are starting to face the emotional issues involved and trying to make sense of them.
Be patient with yourself. It will pass... You have to however make an effort to start letting go of the past. Little by little you will get there. Also, there is no point in asking the BIG questions now like, "did he ever love me?" its over... it doesn't matter now... all that matters is that you are lucky to NOT HAVE HIM in your life. He sounds like a piece of work. xx
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