A
female
age
36-40,
*atielady88
writes:I love my boyfriend very much and he loves me, we have an amazing connection and we are best friends. He even says that I am his perfect match and he truly wants to marry me in a few years. He had one very serious relationship before me (they lived together and moved across the country together). Sometimes I can't help but wonder if he really cares about me as much as he says or if he loved his ex more than he loves me. He bought his ex diamonds after only 5 months of being together (he said it was after a year of them being together, but I learned that wasn't true after doing my research on Facebook) and he has never bought me ANYTHING and we've been together for a year. Yes, he pays for my meals but he has never given me a gift. Why am I not good enough to get diamonds? Did he just love her so much more than me that he felt the need to buy her expensive gifts? Does he feel I'm not deserving of these types of things? If I am truly the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, why wouldn't he do these things for me?
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female
reader, katielady88 +, writes (19 December 2010):
katielady88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the responses! The funny thing is, I don't even care to have diamonds! I honestly think they're a bit much for my taste...I prefer fun jewelry as opposed to diamonds.
I guess my real concern is that he felt his ex was more special than me. She wasn't the high maintenance type at all...she was a bit of a guy's girl, so why did he get her diamonds? They traveled to so many places together and she was close to his family and he asked her to move in after just a few months and they moved to California together. They were only together a little under 2 years. He told me that she was the one who ended it and that it took him a really long time to get over it. I'm afraid that if he could, he would still be with her.
He has no idea I'm insecure about this btw. He always talks about marriage and kids and how amazing our connection is etc etc but I just find it so hard to believe considering all the amazing things they've done together. How could he ever love me the same way?
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Perhaps, like me, he has learned that giving gifts too often or too freely is a good way to cheapen the relationship and turn a good girl into a mercenary.
Is he giving you the gift of fun, good memories, loyalty, and emotional involvement? Does he take the time to see that you have as much fun in bed as he does? Has he taken steps to integrate you into his life? Congrats, you're 8at least* as important to him as the last girl was!
I'd be very careful about bringing up this concern with him, as well, if you even do it at all. There's basically no way to phrase it that doesn't sound high-maintenace and selfish. Heck, after a year, if he's still paying for your meals, he's being more generous than most guys already.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): He made a mistake in the past that he just does not want to make again.
He gave is ex diamonds out of love. However, is that the only thing his ex loved him for? If so, he doesnt want to lose you that way. Thats why you havent recieved anything.
Dont get me wrong, diamonds are pretty and shiny and just nice to have. But, if theres too much of it involved in a relationship -what i think- the girl will just grow to love those things more.
Heres a lyric of one my favorite songs. "Money cant but happiness, man i think the opposite"
Thats what ended up through his ex's mind, so i assume.
Take for example my parents,
My step mom says "Dont buy me another ring for my birthday/christmas!" But my dad does anyway not just because he loves her but because she said not too. So my mom only gets at least a diamond...A year.
Me on other hand, dont buy it. Just get MY Moms jewlery or none at all. I dont care, unless i've already got it and lost it doing laundry.
My point is, Dont worry about it okay. He learned from a mistake he doesnt want to make with you. You may think he doesnt love you as much as he did his ex. But keep in mind, he's doing this because he loves you.
xoxo
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Trance is spot on. He's learned from last time, seeing as he gave the diamonds too early and look where that got him. It's not that you don't deserve them, it's just that he's going to give them to you when the time is right and he knows you guys are going to be together a long time. A year, isn't a long time at all. I didn't get diamonds until 5 years invested in a relationship.
Part of your problem is that you keep comparing yourself to his ex, that's where these insecurities are stemming from. You need to stop that, if his ex was so great he would still be with there and they would have their happily ever after. But that's not the case, he has you now a fresh new woman who he has a future with. His ex is in the past, leave her there; I also suggest you stop investigating her Facebook profile as well. Move forward knowing that you have a future with your boyfriend, but if you keep up with this insecurity then you won't ever see those diamonds.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Hey Hun... if you're really worried about if he's getting you diamonds, you seem uninterested in the LOVE you share. Diamonds are pretty, yeah, but it's the immaterial things that should matter most. He doesn't want to buy expensive gifts fairly early on, if he feels that it was a mistake the first time with his ex.
1) don't do 'research' and background check him
2) don't ask him for gifts because he'll start to think that's all you're after
3) do show him that you care for him
4) do show him that you are grateful for everything he does for you
5) and don't get jealous and compare his relationship with you with the one he HAD (past!) with his ex.
Hope this helps:)x
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 True love and happiness is better tha diamonds
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A
female
reader, xx-lilmiss-xx  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Hey,
I'm in exactly the same situation with my current partner of 2yrs. We've spoken about the issue and he tells me that its not because he doesnt love me, he said he just saw himself as a puppet for her jumping at every command, and he was hurt when she finished him and doesnt want to make the same mistakes again.
So it could be that your partner doesnt want to get into it too deep by buying lots of fancy things just incase you turn around and finish things. All i can suggest is talk to him and find out the reasons as to why, tell him how you feel about the situation and how you feel as though your not living up to what she brought into the relationship.
One piece of advice though, dont do what i did and buy him everything he asks, i understand you love him and you want to make him feel loved every which way you can, but ive spent well over £500 on him and have only every recieved a £40 necklace, dont be the fool and make the same mistakes as i did because it honestly gets you no where, youll just end up with nothing back and to add to things, an empty bank balance.
-Lil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Hi!
I see your point. Well taken. Perhaps he's waiting for the right time to give you something a lot better. After all, he gave them nice gifts early and it was a big mistake. Perhpas he learned from that and now he is sure it seems he's with the right lady and he's just planning his "attack" so to speak :)
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A
female
reader, dersita  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 OH COME ON GIRL! Its ONLY diamonds! Dont get jealous over diamonds!
It doesnt matter if he doesnt buy you gifts. I'm sure one day he'll do something nice for you. Even better than diamonds! :P
You're not gonna end a one year relationship with him because you never got any jewels off of him, are you??
Ozzy osbourne didnt get his wife a gift for TWO AND A HALF YEARS. So get over it! He still loves you.
*smiles*
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