A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for just under 2 years, I'm 17 turning 18 and shes 16, for a while now we've been sexually active, which is great but lately I've put no effort into it and don't even think about sex which is really strange for me because I used to crave sex all the time. It's not her because she's really cute and turns me on but its just I can't be bothered and it's really bothering her, not enough to leave me because she loves me and I love her but it's really making her unhappy because I asked her if she gets into the mood anymore and she said yes but she was scared to tell me because I wouldnt want to do anything about it, I'm not violent or anything but it's just sad that shes scared to get into the mood.I love her so much and I put effort into sex but I just dont care and don't want it and don't do anything about it unless she asks which is rare because she's scared, I really don't know whats wrong with me, it just sucks, I don't want it with any other girl either just saying, ohh and I have no problems with getting erections or cumming, and she turns me on so yeah, it must just be in my head?I'm sorry if that makes little sense. I know i'm 17 and sex shouldnt be a problem, but im guessing its not normal if a 17 year old isnt intrested in it, which i REALLY was a couple of months ago, but just not now, if you can make sense out of all I just wrote please help me, thanks :)
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female
reader, sunandstars  +, writes (19 December 2010):
You're most likely just going through a 'stage' and it will recover eventually. For now though, I think you should atleast pretend to be interested and be bothered for the sake of your girlfriend because you obviously don't want to lose her, especially not over something as small as this. You need to build back the trust in your relationship so she doesn't have to be scared to tell you when she's in the 'mood', you don't want any niggly things like that to ruin your relationship and you don't want her to become scared of talking about other more important issues either. Hope this helps and good luck.
A
male
reader, rivi  +, writes (19 December 2010):
Well that's an unusual one....... I did never hear of a 17 y/o male losing interest in sex.
You don't masturbate at all ? If you do what you think about when doing that might be a good clue to your deep down sexual desires......
I think it's odd enough to merit a visit to a doc and / or psychiatrist. Unless there is something physically wrong with your male parts it could be that deep down there is something about her which you are rejecting.
Maybe deep down you feel trapped and really want to kiss her goodbye and try other girls ..... but you are too kind to hurt her by rejecting her and moving on ???
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Are you studying extra hard, or faced with other demands? Be they financial, vocational or illness of other family? Is there any other pressure that might be sapping your inner motivation?
I am wondering if challenge is lacking from your life?
Sometimes we sanitise the lives of teens too much today. We remove too much challenge sometimes. When reading history of an ancestor i was shocked to see that at 15 one of my ancestors had already established a carting business, and had to load everything, secure the loads, travel long distances, get himself out of ditches, manage his animals, ensure they had water, and collect his debts himself, and pay off a debt (for the animals) to his father. His father was in the same business, but how many 15yr olds could manage that alone today?
It also might be that you need to take the emphasis off sex or no sex and instead look at how you can introduce some (just the two of you together) activities where the emphasis is on building strength into the relationship, even more than is
already evident.
Your flag looks like you are South of the equator so the weather must be warmer. So i'll suggest some out door activities that are not expensive, but can be fun.
Such as a long hike over a designated hiking trail (let people know your route, and take plenty of water and wear hiking shoes with sox)
Go to the zoo together. You may even see some animals whose libido has not flagged.
Physical (non sexual) activity together can build a relationship stronger.
With their permission, Make a vegetable garden for her or your parents.
You and your gf get to plan and create and plant something that will be useful.
If you and your gf have the time, and are both willing to do this - offer (together) to volunteer for a community group that helps people, over the Christmas holidays- because often their usual volunteers are away on holidays too, so the community group is short staffed of volunteers.
I realise at your age that money is not in abundance, so the above suggestions, and next suggestion is about listening to her, rather than spending lots of $
And this year put a lot of effort into choosing something really nice for her for Christmas, something that shows you
Keep positive and your libido will eventually return if you take the focus off it in the short term.
really listen.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (19 December 2010):
have you tried varying your sex to keep it interesting? or perhaps your relationship may be beginning to run its course
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A
female
reader, IsabelRed  +, writes (19 December 2010):
Hey buddy don't worry and try to get this thought out of your mind for sometime. I think the idea of you thinking that you are not interested in sex makes you feel more sad but that's just your mindset and not a reality. If you really love your girlfriend and want a serious relationship with her in future then you should discuss how you feel about having sex and all and feel free to discuss your problems. Tell her to wait for you for sometime. You seem to be in love with her pretty much so don't make sex the base of your relationship. Just give yourself time and try to get emotionally connected with your girlfriend. My wishes are with you. Good luck and don't feel bad about yourself because you are not worth it. God bles u both
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