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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: hi everyone, i have recently got into a new relationship with a really nice man and he pays me a lot of nice compliments telling me i am beautiful, intelligent etc. except i don't feel that i am and i feel insecure about things. the thing is i am 43 years old and have been single since my daughter was 6 months old (17 and a half years). i have done a degree but i never used it to full capacity, i spent a few years working in social care and decided to go self employed with a cleaning business. he on the other hand is really intelligent and has had great jobs in management positions and while he is not snobby or judge me in any way i feel that i am not good enough for him. should i feel this way because i can't seem to snap out of it
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 June 2017):
 Is this the same daughter that doesn't want your boyfriend staying over? honestly you need to try and accept that he wants to be with you, believe him when he compliments you. If your daughter is feeling left out then talk to her about things, she needs to realize that you have a life to lead as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you again and you are very right wise owl, I appreciate your advice and lot :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2017): Teenagers say awful things because they're teenagers. You're a grown-woman and should know better than to take sassy-talk to heart. You can also be just a little too touchy, or over-sensitive, and that is just falling beneath your maturity-level. From the time we're children we learn to take a few cheap-shots from people; because that's a fact of life. You have to have a thicker skin if you want to survive.
It's a little over-the-top to blame a child for your self-esteem; and you take a little responsibility, if you didn't teach her to be more respectful. Push comes to shove; she knows you were there supporting her when you could have given her up for adoption. Worse, not given birth to her at all.
Of course she's going to treat you disrespectfully if you're not showing her your strength as a woman, and being a figure of authority.
If all you've ever presented to everyone around you is shame for who you are and what you do; my dear, you will not receive the respect you so much deserve. It's fine to be humble, but you're dipping beneath that by raising others above you.
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male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (12 June 2017):
 He is not looking to take over your world. He wants a woman that brings his happiness is all the things you offer. He does not care if you had a job. It is not another worker he is looking for. If he were he might give you the job as you might be able even do his job. He needs are to have a woman that he can talk to so he does not want a model with her head full of air. He loves you for what you are, how you are. Just be you and enjoy your time together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your kind words.my daughter is not particularly supportive, even though she has a boyfriend who she has been with a year. she acts jealous and last week said I'm fat and just a cleaner so that hasn't helped my self confidence much.but he is not snobby at all and is very caring, something I'm not used to either
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 June 2017):
 You make it sound like bringing up a child single handed and running a cleaning business is a walk in the park and, in some way, inferior to his management job. I would rather do his job for a month than yours for a week, I can tell you.
Think of the skills you have had to develop and the challenges you have had to overcome in bringing up your daughter. Then again in setting up and running your business. Does none of this prove you are a strong intelligent person who has had a tough life but coped admirably?
Believe him when he tells you what he sees. He sounds like a good man and you sound like a good woman. I hope you will be happy together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2017): Sorry for my typos repeated words. I'm in the car typing this, and we're on our way to meet some friends. I'm typing like crazy! We're almost there!
Edit: "They should let someone like that snuff out the candle in their souls. Put your self-pity aside, my dear!:
"They shouldn't let someone like that snuff-out the candle in their souls. Put your self-pity aside, my dear!"
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2017): People can't convince you or tell you who you are, nor what what you're worth. That's your job to prove to yourself.
Uncontrolled-insecurities are based on unsubstantiated fears. We all have insecurities; because it is part of being human. We are also intelligent enough to improve our weaknesses and accept what we can't change.
Most of our toxic-insecurity comes from from self-hatred, an over-developed sense of entitlement; and a futile search for something or someone to blame. It's being ungrateful for the gift of life, and having the arrogance to believe you deserve better than your fair share. Even when you're blessed; you aren't thankful for anything, no matter how good it is. The reward for such mindset is hopelessness and unhappiness. Then such people become all cynical and bitter, and spew acid and poison at God and all creation.
If you spend most of your life seeing only the worst, and telling yourself you're no-good or not good enough; I guess you'll believe it. Why should anyone waste their time telling you otherwise? In such a case, they do deserve better. They should let someone like that snuff out the candle in their souls. Put your self-pity aside, my dear!
Insecurity kills relationships. There, I said it again!!!
Explain why you committed to a man you don't trust or believe? It's not his responsibility to cater to your sensitivities. You're a grown-woman and a mother.
Sometimes it's shock. After a long string of disappointments comes the one person we never thought we'd find in a million years. I got dumped and fell into despair afterwards. I decided to pick my ass up off the ground, and go forward. I met someone great, without even looking.
You were blessed for working hard, giving all of yourself and sacrificing everything to give your daughter everything you never had. That goodness, courage, and strength deserves reward. I know, as a mother, you feel that's your job. You had to. True, but you deserve something wonderful; because you hung in there and you did it all by yourself. You're your own boss, self-motivated; and you are a strong and independent woman. Come on, give yourself a little credit. You just got rewarded! Yes, you do deserve it!
Love yourself. If you have no regard for the person your Creator made you to be; then what part of you does love come from?
It has to start from the soul. From the center of someplace in your being; then work it's way through your personality, and out into the atmosphere. Finally it springs forth. You poured most of it on your daughter; but it also settles on others like falling snowflakes, or pouring rain. See past your faults, and see what good you've done out of love.
If he sees your outer-beauty; then show him more of the beauty you have inside. If he says you're intelligent; then share your wisdom; and seat yourself at his side as his equal.
The man who has devoted his time and love to my life is very successful and has a lot of money. I don't make as much as he does. Nowhere near it! I'm more educated than he is. Yet we remain equals, embrace our differences, forgive each others shortcomings, and combine our strengths. We are mature men now; but we had to learn this through our past trials and tribulations. Learning from our past mistakes; and realizing we care for each other. Not for what we have, or don't have. Not giving into self-pity or giving-up in defeat when life turned to sh*t! I pray a lot! I mean a lot!!! I have to give thanks! Because I know more bad stuff is still coming! I still enjoy the joy and blessings I already have.
Life does different things for each of us, and we all can't be exact duplicates of the other. There is a place in his heart that was made specifically for me. Same goes from me to him.
That man you're talking about sees the things in you that you've decided to bury under self-pity or the vicious lies you were told by the wrong man. He's here to dispel all the lies you've been told and tell yourself. I bet your daughter thinks you're beautiful and intelligent. Who knows you better?
Allow yourself to be happy. Enjoy what you have found. Be thankful and grateful for receiving something good. Make what he gives you from his heart worth it. Or give him him up! His words mean little compared to his actions. Give back what you're receiving; but you can't do that, unless you love yourself too. I think he's mature and man enough to know what he's doing. You said he's intelligent!
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