A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Info- 23/F/from the UKOk so I'm gonna try and be as basic as I can with my question, so you don't have to read pages of rubbish lolI'm basically extremely skeptical that I'll EVER meet anybody in the future who I'll feel a close connection with and who feels the same way about me tooThe reason why is mostly because of a relationship I was in with someone in the past where there was a big feeling of care and respect (he was always caring, there for me and faithful) on his side. The reason why that r/s buggered up was because I met this fella when I was young, insecure and in a very dark place. In VERY basic terms... I hurt him. We can't be together for that reason.I've only just started realizing, 4 years down the line now, that I care about this fella so much and wish I'd said yes when he'd asked me to marry him 3 years ago -seems like 10 or 20 though with how much I have changed now. Unfortunately as I said I can't be with him and so there's nothing I can do to be with this guy.I'm so frightened and upset that I'll have to settle for someone who I don't feel these feelings I feel for him for :S I've heard of marriages and r/ships where one or both people involved don't really care about eachother -I'm terrified that'll be me in the future because I screwed up with the guy I was with in the past and had my chances with himCan anyone offer me any advice or anecdotes at all? I'm so scared I'll just be alone and without someone who cares forever :'S Obviously I'd much rather have him than have to start over with some stranger, but it's just a no can do.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 April 2017):
 You need to get over the mistakes you made in the past. We all make mistakes, but you now need to realize that he is never going to come back to you. Stop living with the idea that he was the only man for you. Start accepting that it is over now and look to the future. Their is more than one person out there for you. You have just invested all your time and emotion in to your ex that you feel you simply could not meet anyone like him again. You need to leave that frame of mind. You are only 23 so still young. You need to get out their and meet new people your own age. You need to make an effort, people are not just going to find you. the ideal man is not just going to land at your door. You need to go out there and meet a variety off people. You will fall for someone eventually and wonder why you where so worried. You must remember the only person that is holding you back is yourself.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 April 2017):
 "I'm so frightened and upset that I'll have to settle for someone who I don't feel these feelings I feel for him for"
Who says you have to? You don't have to! No one cam force you to do this, at least not in your current country of residence.
Besides, not all people meet the love of their life at 25. Some meet it at 30. Or 35. Or 40.
If you don't want to settle... then don't settle.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 April 2017):
 You are making the very wrong assumption that there is only one person out there for you - this man who you have blown your chances with. Although you now think he was "the one", obviously you didn't at the time you were with him (reasons are irrelevant really) and I suspect the rose coloured spectacles are only in place because you have not met someone else.
There are MANY men out there who can make you happy. You just have to sort through the ones who are not suitable and find the right ones. You can't imagine being that close to another man because you have not met that man yet. It would have been wrong to have accepted a marriage proposal from the first man if you didn't feel it was the right thing for you at the time.
Put yourself out there, be friendly, smile a lot and see who notices you and who catches YOUR eye. If you have a hobby, interest or passion, join groups of other people who share this with you and you will instantly have a connection and something to talk about.
Good luck.
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