A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Thank you for reading, I'm really struggling with this...I'll make it as brief as possible.I moved interstate 6 months ago, as I wanted a change and to live with mum (I'm 20).I have found a full-time job which I enjoy, and absolutely love living with my mum (and the ability to save money by doing so)..But I have never felt so lonely in my entire life. Not only do I miss my boyfriend and friends, I miss the city I grew up in, and all the things I know I'm missing out on back home.I have gone out numerous times with people from work, have gone sightseeing/clubbing by myself in an attempt to meet people... but nothing so far.I can feel myself falling into depression, I cry almost every day and feel like I'm wasting my life.I know staying here will be better for my future, but I feel I'm sacrificing my happiness by doing so.There's also the issue that if I returned home, I would have no job and would have to house-share (which I hated).What should I do?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (7 July 2013):
Hi there. It can be lonely moving away from family and friends, that's for sure.
Was the move, only so you could find work?
Were you previously living in a country town, where there is only limited employment?
I am only assuming that you were.
You know that you can always keep in contact with your old friends from the state you lived in before you moved.
You can call them, and you can write letters to them, which is of course cheaper.
And you can always go and visit your friends in your old state in your holidays, so it isn't as if it is impossible, is it?
Was it absolutely necesssary for you to move at all?
You said that you wanted some change, and to live with your mother.
But you gave up so much to do this, didn't you?
And now you are very unhappy.
I guess it comes down to what is more important to you.
You have a regular income, which is great.
And living with your mother, allows you to save up some money, another big PLUS.
And you love living with hour mother, which is another really good thing.
And so it is mainly that you miss your friends back home.
Why not talk to your mother, and see what she says?
She might shed some light on things for you.
You lived interstate before, so what were the living arrangements there?
You were happy, but didn't like sharing a house with other people.
And so I am assuming that sharing a house, was it.
And you didn't have work, or at least you implied that.
But you had friends and your boyfriend.
If you had have had a job there, well then you might have been able to rent a small granny flat, and so there would be no share arrangement.
And then you could have still been there now.
And hence, no loneliness as you have now.
And so the greatest of your concerns really, is that you are no longer seeing your friends.
And the other problem - of sharing a house with others - would not exist if you had paid work.
So there you have it.
Is there no opportunity at all for work of some sort there?
Not even casual work?
And what about your friends and your boyfriend, were they all working?
So it really comes down to staying put living with your mother - which you enjoy that arrangement, and you love her - or deciding if you could come to some arrangement and move back to your home town, and find some kind of work even if it is only a few hours a week - say 10-15 hours a week - would still be useful to you.
And if moving back home is really not an option for you - after very careful consideration - well then you have to make the best of where you are now.
And to do that, you need to get involved in activites in your local area and town, which will enable you to make some new friends.
Would you consider doing some local volunteer work, through a charity, perhaps.
Like for instance, helping out in a homeless soup kitchen, where they prepare and serve up meals for the homeless people in the area.
Charity work, can be very rewarding and personally fulfilling.
If you have access to the internet, you could look it up on google under local charities in your state and your town, and see what you find there.
And it will certainly be a fantastic way to meet many young like minded people such as yourself, and you can make some new friends.
Another idea, is what about taking up some new hobbies and interests, that will take you out of the house, and where you all meet up somewhere to follow this hobby or interest, and you will meet lots of young people, and make some new friends.
It could be a great opportunity for you.
The depression you feel, is only because you are in a situation where you partly love it - you are happy living with your mother, you have a job, and can save some money.
But at the same time, you are HUGELY missing your friends, and so it is the loneliness of this, that causes you the most unhappiness.
And there are positive things for both situations.
But they are not the same positive things.
And so money comes into it, which heavily influences you towards staying where you are.
But the loneliness of missing your friends and your old boyfriend, are weighing heavily on your emotions.
There seems to be no easy magical solution to this, does there?
And so you have some thinking to do.
Because the reality is, that things aren't going to change - in either situation - are they?
And it is the helplessness you feel from knowing this, that is causing you to feel so depressed.
You are feeling sad about something, which you cannot change, and probably never will be able to.
So it is a case of accepting things for how they are, and trying to make the most of what you have.
This choice is completely up to you now.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (6 July 2013):
 I remember you writing several times previously about this issue. it sounds to me that depression may be causing a lot of your negative feelings (please note, I am not a trained medical professional), and I would strongly suggest you find a doctor you can talk to, get some medication to help level out your emotions a little bit while you concentrate on building a new life in a new state.
Don't let the problem drag on any longer, make an appointment first thing Monday morning. Good luck!
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