A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:well I am currently in a relationship and its now on the rocks we are going thru a rough patch.We were going to end it but we both talked face to face about trying to work it out. I am doing my absolute best to make this back to how it use to be, or even stronger. My bf is just acting distant from me and he make it seems as if I m not doing enough and its breaking my heart. When I talk to him about this he says that it will take time but I still will like to hear a thank you sometimes. I had a number of my friends trying to break my relationship and I have gotten all of them out of my life. I wish that he could see some type of effort that I am doing to make it work. Yes I understand that relationships are work but when the other party is showing a little distance it hurts sooo bad. I know guys show their emotions differently but gezzz this kills me. I ask him if he still wants to work it out and if he charges he mind would he let me know and he said he will for sure. I just don’t want to be strung along. I’m praying so hard and working so hard, and makes it seem as if I am not doing nothing. Help please. I find myself texting and calling him and I don’t want to appear needy, I am sure he sees how much this relationship means. I spent my last so we could have a good night together at a hotel so we could sit down and talk. My efforts are seeming to go unnoticed, I feel worthless. should I leave it alone and trust in the fact he WILL let me know if he wants to end it. This just hurts
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (7 July 2013):
 I think there is a lot more going on here than what you write. You don't give us many details to go on, but you have to remember in a relationship there is a lot of give and take -- and that goes both ways. He may need to have some space, and you need to respect that. However, you have needs to... being around someone you love is clearly important to you.
I think it is important for you to figure out what is causing him to avoid talking / being with you... Is it because of work? Children responsibilities? Does he have other obligations or is he suddenly avoiding you at all costs? Each situation requires a completely different tactic and I think it is important for you to figure out what is truly going on. Also, what did he say when you talked to him about it -- did you listen to his responses or did you tune out everything you didn't agree with? Again, these are important clues as to what is truly going on.
Remember, all relationships go through phases and sometimes the best thing is just to let it be for a while. If he truly wants to be with you, he will find the time and the energy to be with you. True love is like that -- both parties want to spend as much time with each other as possible.
And never settle for anything less.
Eddie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): From what it seems, you both need to step back. If he wants to be with you, he will be with you. If he doesn't, then he won't. I understand how you feel, but stepping back and giving it space is the only thing you can do at this point.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): You see, you cannot change a mans mind or by force make him stay with you. Even doing all this extra stuff won't help, if his heart isn't in it. All this effort is just putting you in a vulnerable position - because you're trying and he's taking you for granted.Take a step back, make HIM work alittle to keep you. If you see no effort on his part, you will have your answer, his heart isn't willing to fight for it. Be alittle of a challenge, don't text and call unless it's to respond to him, let him make time and dates, let him freak out that he'll lose you. No point working so hard here - if he really isn't into it, the outcome will be exactly the same.
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