A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi i just wanted some advice about depression. im in my 30s still living at home and dont work. i feel my life is lacking, and as im gay i will never have the whole family thing like husband and kids. iI'm too scared to give birth anyway and this is a real big phobia for me. im very lonely and have no brothers or sisters.Which i cant cope with, being an only child. all i have is mum and dad, im scared what will happen when they are no longer around and feel i dont have a life. how would i pay the bills etc. im so low and i have been to the doctors and seeing a counsellor now. i find life very hard and lonely, being a lesbian and have no brothers or sisters. any advice please would be good. thanks to all of you.
View related questions:
lesbian, living at home Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011): thank u to all who have sent answers, they are all good and i shall make steps to doing what u all said. im looking for work at the moment and hope to meet new people once i find work. i do go swimming and walk most places so im keeping fit but i do find friends have their own life and family so no one to really live with as i wouldnt want to live on my own and be nice to share with people. when i was flat hunting i found that ur need a garantor and i dont have one as parents cant aford to do that 4me and no one can. i was looking into it but i am on the council list but i just would like to live with people. any more updates advice plaz are welcome and thanks x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011): it's great that you're in counseling. Work with your counselor, is the best advice because that person knows more about you than anyone else here. If the counseling isn't helping, you may need to switch counselors or therapeutic approaches. it's very important that you feel comfortable with your counselor, if the counseling is to have benefits. Don't be afraid to say "this counseling program isn't making me feel better, I need to try another one."you may need anti-depressants as well. It doesn't have to be forever, but it can really help to make the therapy have a bigger effect.Being gay does not have to be a life sentence to a life without a family. I have several gay couple friends who together adopted children. Being an only-child does not have to be a life sentence to a life of loneliness either. I'm an only-child. But I have friends, some of them are very close friends that I consider our bond to be as strong as siblings. Having brothers and sisters doesn't in and of itself mean you're not alone. So many people don't have anything in common with their siblings and can't relate to them and hardly talk with them, or talk only at formal family reunions. That's a forced and artificial arms-length relationship which is not the kind of relationship that enriches your life and feels like a safety net when times get rough. basically, you're lonely not because you're gay and have no siblings. You're lonely because you have depression.therefore, concentrate on getting your depression treated and eventually your loneliness will go away or you will feel more able and equipped to do the things required to make and keep strong relationships. Work with your counselor, or find a different therapist or therapeutic approach if you can honestly say that you're doing all the "work" but still not feeling better. good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, goldie22 +, writes (12 November 2011):
Hey hun. Make sure, that you keep.seeking.help from your doctor and counciller work with them and they will help you to get better.
Get yourself better and then work on building yourself a support network outside your imediate family. Even if you dont find a partner (if thats what you want) strait away, there are many ways that you can.make.new friends. If your not working get a part time job or some voluntry work. This will give you a chance make friends with work coleagues that you will see a couple of times a week.
Taking a class or a club in something that interests you will create a good.starting point for.conversation and making friends beacaue of the common interest.
Lastly. If you do want to.find love and you havent had any luck in finding the right woman then there is nothing wrong with dating websites or lonely hearts adverts ect. My mum met my step dad on a dating website 12 years ago and hasnt looked back since. At least you know the women you are in touch with are looking for love too. As for marriage and children? Who says you cant have them because your a lesbian? Its the same as being strait
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (12 November 2011):
 You have a medical condition that needs good treatment. I think you should ask your doctor about adding some medication, just for a short time, say a year, that may help you to reset your brain chemistry.
You are stuck in cycle of negative thinking and there are therapies that may be of help to you too, one in particular is called cognitive behavioural therapy.
I've heard depression described as buried anger. You seem to have some anger about being an only child, yet there you are, still living with the people who created that situation for you and seem to expect that to change now? You have to create your own family of friends if you feel lonely. It's hard work and takes some persistence and dedication, but as you are mired in the negative thinking, you won't be able to get past step one.
One good step is that you have seen your doctor about it. Get aggressive about seeking medication that may help you.
You have to tackle nutrition, exercise and state of mind. This is a multi-phased attack on your depression. You are the general, the depression is the enemy and you have troops at your disposal. Time to put them to work for you.
Why don't you work?
When you visualize your ideal life, what do you see? Don't add brothers and sisters as that's not a viable option for you.
I have written about depression in several questions in the past and have laid out some game plans for people. I will see if I can find those links.
To begin with, start with these. Read the links, follow the instructions and DO them. Report back in a week on your progress.
http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
http://www.actionforhappiness.org/
So tomorrow, you start with a healthy breakfast of whole grains, fruit and some protein. Take a 30 minute walk, rain or shine. Turn off the telly and sit down and write down all the things that are POSITIVE in your life.
You have living parents. You have a place to live. You have your physical health. You have ________. You have nice toes. You are good at ________. Write and write, dredge down deep if you get stuck. Get up and and walk around the room if you get stuck.
That is your plan for the day.
Do it!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 November 2011):
 I am glad to hear that you are getting some professional help. Depression is a hard thing to cope with, but my guess is that you are depressed purely on your life style and because you are feeling lonely. You need to get track off your life. Just because you are a lesbian does not mean that one day you cannot have a family. There is always adoption. You like many straight people are just finding it hard to find a partner. But you need to put yourself out there more. Plus you need to start looking at life beyond your parents. You rely to much on them for your age. You need to start being independent and living a life of your own. It will be your first major step to recovery. Make it a mission to find a job and rent a flat for yourself. Look at your life and set some goals for yourself it will give you things to do, things to achieve and will make you feel so much better. Being an only child can be lonely but make the most of it. Don't look at it as a negative. You need to start making life goals and getting up and doing them. Believe me when you see improvement the boost you will get will be worth it.
You need to make some friends so take up some hobbies away from your mum and dad live your own life. If there are any gay bars around well then go and visit them, let your hair down and enjoy yourself. You just need a natural boost and am sure you want your own space as well away from your parents. Yes we all lose our parents some day, but you need to meet others to share your life with so instead of sitting about worrying go out and meet new people, be positive about the future, you can do anything you put your head to. Stay positive honey, you can change your life around if you work at it.
...............................
|
