A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Anyways i am a parent who went on vacation with my husband's family. Not a good idea, it turns out that I ending up reprimanding, my husband's family member for physically attacking my child. Well that wasn't a good idea as the relative, got so offended, by me just mentioning that I didn't approve of their bad behavior towards my son. Well the next day this person started calling me names, and giving me shooting dagger looks. Then this family member started talking about other family members who didn't like me, who were related to my husband's side of the family, and said all this stuff in front of my husband. Just discovered that we were being used by this family member for their needs to go on vacation with us. It turns out this family relative, ending up gossiping to my husband's side of the family, basically fed them the twisted side of their so called truth, and started stating that i was causing problems, and divisions in my husband's family. When really the culprit who was causing problems in the first place was that family member. In a nut shell this family member is really dangerous as they have the ability to brainwash individuals against others. They also are very gifted at lying, convincing, minimizing, justifying, and rationalizing their point of view. Do you think I was in the wrong for defending my special needs child from that adult family member? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (22 December 2010):
 I know how dangerous and unpleasant acquired family members (from your husband's side) can be if they decide to take against you and cause problems. I say dangerous because they actually have the power to threaten, or at least upset, your relationship with your husband, because he will be under the strain of divided loyalties, or having to listen to his side of the family disrespecting you, calling you names and making him feel a d**k for being with you.
So, I think you are right not to underestimate this guy. And the fact that he behaved in a way you really disliked, towards your vulnerable child, of course gave you every right to mention to him that you would rather he didn't do that. Everybody with any sense knows that you can't come between a parent and their child, and you can't treat a child badly like that and for it to be OK. So this guy should have known what he had coming from you.
Your husband sounds pretty silent in all of this. What does he have to say? Because actually he is the best person to defend you right now.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (22 December 2010):
 You're assuming that your husbands side of the family just accepted everything that this relative said as the absolute irrefutable truth...
If this relative is a good liar, manipulator or whatever, then the family will know this... comes from years of being around them. I doubt this family members version of events will do the damage that you seem to think it has or will.
Just cos they're family... doesn't mean they're necessarily liked... Surely I can't be the only one who doesn't like or listen to all of my relatives when I see them once a year at Christmas... :P
You know you're right to defend your child, so don't question yourself about that... ESPECIALLY from a PHYSICAL attack.
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (21 December 2010):
 You have every right to defend your child whether they be speacial needs or not. My friend has a brother with cerebral palsy and I have seen this done by strangers but never by family members. Your husband needs to back you up on this too and not let them say those things. If the child ever heard it would really hurt them more than you could ever know.
As for what you could do now, you could definitely put those people in their place by showing your anger but that tends to lead to no one getting better and the family just not seeing each other which may have to happen. I think your husband should talk to them and see how things go from there.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 You were not in the wrong. This individual sounds manipulating, and used to getting his way. You were possibly the first one in ages who dares to stand up to him, and by how he lashes out and attacks you full scale I dare say he was pretty darn scared by you. If he didn't think you were a threat he wouldn't have bothered to go all this way.
Basically, he feels very threatened by you, and is rushing to put up defenses. The sudden turn against you should be a signal to the rest of the family that something is off, as I am sure the rest of the family is perfectly aware of his cunning ways. How have they reacted so far?
Do not worry about him. If he sees you as this dangerous to him by merely standing up for your child, I can imagine he's more terrified of you than you are of him.
I recommend complete and brutal honesty, don't run and hide. He's just ruffling his feathers. Stand strong and let people know the simple truth about what happened and then leave it at that. Don't resort to his mind playing games. Stand above that, just repeat the truth about what happened and nothing else. I think that is what this man fears the most: that you will tell people what he did. He knows he was in the wrong, hence his attack at you (attack is used as a defense for people like him).
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Of course not, if you child was being unjustly treated or threatened. What exactly happened? As far as the bad-mouthing and lies being tossed around by this person your best defense is no defense. Ignore the goofball, you know the truth always comes out in the end. People who speak ill of other people eventually put themselves in the poor light instead of their intended victim. Since it's your husband's family he may want to deal with the problem himself.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 December 2010):
 You, as a parent, have every right to decide how your child is raised. That includes discipline and how it's carried out. What that person did was wrong.
Sociopaths suck to deal with. All the things you describe are pretty much the textbook signs of a sociopath.
Has your husband done anything to help with this situation? Did he stand up for your parenting choices? Does the extended family realize this person causes lots of problems? Often they do, and take what such an individual says with a grain of salt, but it all depends on how good they are at manipulating people.
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