A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Simple question. Its something I've pondered for a while now. Can a guy and girl really be just friends?So many times you hear about friends getting together after a long time. I have a particular guy friend, who in my mind I'm just friends with. After all we've been the best of friends for almost four years without anything but friend like behaviour occurring between us. I actually have one of the best friendships I've ever encountered in my life with this guy. We don't argue, we care about each other, were protective about each other, we help each other, we share everything, we can be honest and tell each other one the other has annoyed either one of us, we don't get jealous of other friendships we have with other people because were so sure of our own, we make each other laugh, we know each other inside out, we always encourage and want the best for one another and we trust one another..I'm just wondering if any of you guys have successfully maintained a platonic friendship with the opposite sex without attraction playing a role at all and how long for? With so many articles out there about how male-female friendships never work out, its made me curious about if any friendships between male-female's have actually survived without being compromised by sexual attraction or non-platonic love.All responses welcome Guys and Girls :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): I think it's possible in a perfect world, but both conditions needs to meet. Each side has absolutely no physical attraction to another. Like 2 straight people the same sex. For example I have absolutely no attraction for my girlfriends, because I m straight. I think they are pretty, but I cant even imagine doing anything physical with them.This is how you two should feel toward each other to remain just friends. If you both straight it's hard to maintain. Nature, in another words, makes us do crazy things. This is my opinion on this: the relationship you described it sounds like love but without sex. You two are very close. For a woman usually with time it can turn into physical feeling when there is so much emotional intimacy is going on. And men are men, they wouldnt refuse sex, ever, unless they are completely disgusted by a woman's appearance. Sorry, guys.Then there are situations like outing with a few too many, horrible boyfriend or girlfriend, just an awful date and things happen.So, to finalize, I do believe that anything is possible, but it is a very rare form of relationship to maintain.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 Not reading the other answers... here's my take on it
I'm taken so I can be "friends" with men.... I don't view them as anything other than friends... does not mean I do not find them attractive.... just that I'm not interested in dating them.
When I was younger and single... nope no way in hell I could be friends with a guy... unless he was married and I was friends with his wife.
now... at 52... age has it's benefits.. I'm friends with guys who are young enough to be my sons...
of course it's colored by the fact that we
a. work together so outside of work is rare
b. we are all in committed and or married relationships and the spouses know us and about us...
it's the same as if I was friends with the wife... and the hubby tags along when we do couples things... only I'm friends with the guys.
and of course for me age is not an issue... I have friends older than I am and friends younger than I am. In fact I have friends that span two generations....
bottom line: single women and single men who are in the same age bracket... do I think they can be JUST friends... nope not really... like Harry said to Sally... "nope you pretty much wanna nail them too"...
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (12 September 2012):
There is always attraction. How can you be such good friends without it. But there is a line which is maintained. Neither is bold enough to cross it for fear of not getting back. And thats the crunch, once you cross that line you don't get back to how it was. Serious relationships ususlly develop pretty quickly because the chemistry is right. Long slow friendships occasionally turn into a serious relationship, but from my experience when the line is crossed it is like a firework going off, a brief and wonderful time of amazing lust and passion but suddenly the fire goes out and a wierd vacuum forms that destroys everything you had. But it is hard to regret, at least the waters are tested. Sometimes after many years of just "friendship" you wonder "could you have been my wife? " and there is a sense of regret for not finding out.Also, don't forget the feelings of future partners, do they really want to deal with their partners best male/female friend! !So to answer you question, yes, after over 25 years I still have a couple of platonic friendships - we are all married with children now, but I still hope to get them into bed one day! Is that the right answer?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): Personally I don't think so unless if ey gay...somehow e attraction will grow eventually even if it takes years and years.and there is always gone be that 1 day when u going to deperately need a shoulder to lean on and one hug will lead to two and two hugs will turn into a kiss and a kiss into...so NO people of the opposite sex can never be friends unless they gay
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): I think they can be- but, like in the show 'friends' (although it's fictional) Some may end up falling for others. I don't think it's just men that develop unreciprocated feelings though, I often read about women (albeit younger women) falling for their male friends who don't return their feelings. and I think statements like from the Movie 'when harry met sally' gives women false hope that their male friends will return their feelings, when this often isn't the case. Personally, I can't be friends with any man I find attractive, because I'll always want more & will get (& have been) deeply hurt watching them meet a girl they really fancy, fall inlove and develop a relationship with them - that's pretty painful.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 I agree with Karlos 5021, in my experience it is surely possible forming sincere, deep, long lasting friendships with a person of the opposite sex... as long as neither one feels even the least hint of physical attraction to the other. Your best male friend is a guy who is crazy about your intellect and personality... but finds you physically next to repulsive :) . Not very flattering, of course.. but that's the way it works ( and viceversa , of course ). If one finds the other even moderately attractive , they can keep it under control for a while, but it is sort of inevitable in the long run that constant frequentation , growing closeness, moments of emotional neediness , sexual dry spells etc. will bring them to grow non platonic feelings for their friend, probaby leading to all sort of complications and anyway altering the very structure of that friendship.
Which makes a lot of sense, if you think about it. I mean, if you meet a guy who is good company, makes you laugh ,shares some of your interests, is loyal and dependable etc... those are excellent, very sought after qualities for a romantic partner too. So, if you can, I don't even say, ardently desire your friend, but just be sort of OK, as in "not realy turned off", by the idea of having sex with him / her- the most natural thing is trying , consciously or not, to turn that special bond you have into something even closer and exclusive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): Like a previous user said, I believe YES it is possible if there is NO physical attraction involved. I'm an attractive girl and unfortunately my close guy friends (unless taken) have all eventually confessed to me or have tried to take things further. I'm not saying looks are the only factor but it is something that sets me apart from my friends who have great friendships with guys. So far each one of my few close guy friends have confessed. It makes me sad because we eventually drift apart as friends. But it is possible as I have seen from friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): I personally think as long as there is absolutely NO physical attraction between a guy and a girl whatsoever, then it is possible.
If there's even a small degree of attraction between two 'Friends', then I think its possible that attraction could grow, and then only be a matter of time before sexual thoughts cross their minds and leads to something more happening.
And where alcohol is concerned, well that's another story entirely.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 September 2012):
As some of the answers provided by person12345's link...as long as they are not attracted to each other, then yes. If even just 1 person is attracted, then yes, for a limited time; until one person wants to take the relationship further and the other one may not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): Oh yes! In fact, if I were to become "involved" with every guy I find that sort of chemistry with, I'd never be able to settle down with just one. Even when I'm in a relationship, I find myself attracted to other guys from time to time. I look at it like this: I have a great boyfriend and great friends, all in which I have great bonds and chemistry, but they each play unique roles in my life.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 September 2012):
Articles can never answer a specific life situation...as I don't think it can cover EVERYTHING. At some point I am sure the idea crosses one's mind of relationship. I am sure it has for him as well, although "when" is a different story. I am 26 years old and I have analysed this dynamic very closely. I am not an expert. Do you have feelings for him then? My opinion in YOUR case is that if you are this close to the point of best friends with him, it is WORTH discussing at some point (with him), the idea of a relationship if one experiences feelings for the other. IF there aren't any feelings then no need to start a fire. Specifically It is VERY possible to remain friends for many many years and only love each other ONLY in a platonic way. I have this with a few of my girls who are friends... they are hot and if they ever offered themselves to me with sex I may not hesitate but this is my nature and who I am. I don't cross that boundary nor do I want a relationship with them. I also want nothing from them. My mentality is different now that I am older and wiser, I am not in a desperate point for a relationship. At the same time I can not speak for all men. And the majority men who are just generally happy, you may never hear from them and their opinion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): I'd like to say yes, but it's hard to. If you are not extremly close then yes i think, as i have a few guy friends but they're not close. Whenever I seem to get close to a guy~ it's happened many times, either me or him get feelings for one another. It's happened to me recently~ I started getting close to a guy and he said that he likes me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): It's definitely possible but only after a few things have been straightened out. I mean, come on, do you really think that a guy or a girl can meet someone of the opposite sex in their adult age without any of these thoughts ever crossing their mind? I think it's totally normal and it's bound to happen. All my straight guy friends have tried in some ways to date me. The ones I dated became exes that I stayed friends with and the ones I didn't date I had to send clear signals that I wasn't interested romantically.
So I think you only have 2 options here (and I'm only talking when you meet new people in your adult life - not the case of growing up etc):
1. You are friends but attracted to each other and therefore there is sexual tension. Whether you can do something about it or not depends on each persn's availability
2. You are friends but one party isn't attracted to each other so you establish quickly that you will not be a couple and can have a strictly platonic relationship.
I can't name one guy who would just want to be platonic friends with me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): Yes!
From my experience, it does work out. I've been friends with a guy for almost 4 years. I can't say we hang out everyday, mostly cuz of studies, but we tell each other everything and we don't judge each other about it or also we like to have lunch together when we can and things like that.
I say it can be done. It's not the most common of things, but very possible and happy :)
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 September 2012):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/preferably-guys-opinions--friendship-between-guys-and.html
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