A
male
age
41-50,
*orbandallas
writes:My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I'm not looking for advice just maybe a forum to chat and cope. I will explain briefly what has happened:A few weeks ago I asked to take a break, my gf got really mad at me on her birthday. I was sick and suppose to take her out, instead she came over and took care of me for a while. She got really mad after we had dinner and left because, she didn't think I was that sick, when really I was quite ill. Anyways, she stopped talking to me for a while, so I told her I needed to take a break as we have been getting in so many arguments lately and it was really hurting me bcauseshe would not talk to me for days. She agreed.We got back together a week later, she seemed very reluctant at first and said she wanted to break up. As she went to take her purse, she just stood there, I walked over and hugged her, the next thing I know it we're having sex.Things were good for two weeks, no fights, but something felt a bit off. We went out on a double date friday, I saw her Saturday, then spoke to her on monday. Monday she was really flaky with her text responses told me that she had a rough day, was yelled at work and wanted to be alone. The next day we texted a bit, I asked her to get together on Thursday and she went silent. two days guy by, I ask if she's ok... no response. She is silent for 5 days, it was really hurtful, but shes done it in the past so I went to her house on Sunday.We went for coffee, she broke up with me. She said she has felt differently since her birthday, she feels alot of pressure in her life, She said she thinks I like her too much. I thought that last one was a bit of a shock. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship and couldn't be the girlfriend I wanted right now. We talked for a while, I said I just want her to be happy and that I will give her all the space that she needs. We talked about other things, I thought things were fine, that she just wanted some space for a while. But... after I dropped her off at home I felt like there wasn't really any clarity as to how we left things.So I texted her asking if we broke up, she said yes. I responded "ok, probably for the best". she responded saying that she will miss me and that she sorry.The pain... we were together for 7 months, but I lover. Just in December I went to Korea to meet her parents. I've deleted her from my phone, I've deleted my facebook so I can't creep her profile.I'm 29, she's 30. I don't know what to do with myself except keep good care of myself, and to not contact her.
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male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (7 February 2012):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I wonder if I will ever hear from her again. She came back from Korea to be with me in December and extended her visa to stay here for another year. Her best friend and roommate went back yesterday. So I wonder what she will do know.
I'm staying at a friend's place for a week to help get through the initial break, it's actually helping a lot.
Thanks everyone for your advice, break ups are never fun...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Emily, I don't think he was harassing her. I think he just loves her dearly and chased her. Corbandallas, when your gf doesn't want to go with you to the hospital, that's a sign that she isn't that into you. I find it strange that she didn't dial 911 as you had asked, maybe because of her English skills, who knows. I know my now ex gf was in the hospital with a suspected heart attack, but I had no desire to see her. It was a sign that I didn't want her anymore. I feel kind of bad about that now, because she was my friend too, but the relationship was on its last legs. Keep your head up, my friend and date lots of good looking woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): If a girl isnt compassionate enough to deal with you when ill then she isn't worth your time or energy.
Your friends would have gone with you to hospital, your family too....but not her. Says it all really, very much 'all about her' - not you and her.
Break ups are never easy but you will feel so much lighter when you don't have to deal with this relationship any more
Good luck
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (7 February 2012):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Lol, I meant finally managed to dial the phone with my knuckles!
Fail!!
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (7 February 2012):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey all, thank you for the responses.
I don't know if break up is the right way to describe these events, if she got angry with me she would walk off an not talk to me for days.
Yes, there was lots of communication problems. English is her second language. She has said on numerous occasions that it was very difficult for her to explain things to me and that really bothered her.
We had a lot of fun together, I really felt strongly towards her, but it did seem to be a lot of arguments.
I remember once I had food poisoning really bad, she was at my place, I was hyperventilating so much my hands had ceased. I couldn't dial 911 and I asked her to, she just stared at me, I asked her repeatedly and she didn't budge, so I raised my voice and finally managed to do it with my knuckles.
The paramedics came and she didn't even come with me to the hospital. Later she said to me "Do you think it's ok for you to yell at me?"
It turns out I had severe food poisoning, she wasn't there for me and I was really quite afraid. I don't know why she didn't come with me, I really needed her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 4 break ups in 7 months… that’s more than one every other month.. she’s so NOT ready for a relationship with you. Be strong.. you have done the right thing by deleting her contact info.
continue to be strong. I'm sorry for the pain. Even knowing it's the right thing doesn't make it hurt less.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 You broke up 4 times in 7 months ??. At your age ??... That's not how adults carry on their relationships ! Pat yourself on your back for the lucky escape. When there's all this drama, and back and forth- it usually means there's a lot of sexual tension between the two persons, but no real compatibility and no effective communication, so I really don't know if we can talk about " love ", maybe the right word is " infatuation ".
Keep doing what you are doing, i.e. taking good care of yourself and keep no contacts. Accept that it will still hurt for a while... remember. it's not forever, it's just for a while. And the less you romanticize and glamourize the story , the more you see it for what it is - a simple mismatch - the less this while will last.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Your ex has the right to be with whom she wants, when she wants. She is a young beautiful princess, and should not be making decisions under any pressure. She is now moving on, and so shall you, and I am sure she is doing this for good reasons.
Please take her off your mind, and do not harass her anymore. It's clear the poor woman had enough already. You should also try to change your attitude towards women and relationships, otherwise I don't think any woman would want to be with you in the future.
Best luck,
Emily
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (7 February 2012):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Ya, I know she just doesn't feel the same anymore. This is the fourth time she has broken up with me. It's ok she would flip out on me once a week for some reason or an other... I'm tired of feeling like a punching bag, I've been too nice.
It hurts, but it's not what I want in a relationship, I should have walked 4 months ago when my friends told me to.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (7 February 2012):
 I feel for you. Break-ups can be so unbearably painful, even short relationships. If you need advice, or just want to feel better, I highly recommend you read the book, It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken by Greg Behrendt (the same guy who wrote He's Just Not That Into You). It really helped me in the past.Sounds like she really isn't ready for a relationship (and sometimes, that's just a nice way of saying she doesn't want to be with you, for whatever reason). She sounds a little immature...getting mad at you when you're sick and being so wishy washy with you. Wanting to see you one day, then giving you the silent treatment the next. The sooner you move on, the better off you will be, of course. Work out, go out with friends, rent movies...do whatever it takes to not contact her or wallow in your sorrows. You'll get over her, and pretty soon, you won't even be thinking about her! Good luck!
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