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male
age
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*eedup
writes:I have twin 21 yr old children, Jordan and Jessica. Jordan has been friends with "Luke" since they were kids. I always liked "Luke", he seemed like a good kid. lasy year he started dating my daughter and I was fine with it, until I seen how this "good kid" wasnt such a good boyfriend. He was extremely jealous of any of jessica's male friends. On more then one occasion I overheard them arguing and he would call her "stupid" "a bitch" or tell hr to shut up. One night after a party they all came back to our house and I'm not sure what happened but I woke up to hear Luke yelling at Jessica and then punching a hole in the wall and upsetting a chair. When i ran down I seen jessica in tears, the next day she had bruises on her arms that clearly showed hand mark where some one would have grabbed a hold of her. when I questioned her she said she couldnt remember where they came from. After a ver long talk, my wife and I convinced her that she had to stop seeing Luke. Much to my surprise Jordan continued to hang out with Luke. 4 months ago I found out that jessica was dating Luke again ( they had been broken up for about 4 months). I was more then pissed off that she would give him a second chance. a few weeks ago he broke up with her , went out and slept with another girl the very same day, then came back to MY house with flowers saying he was sorry and made a mistake and sure enough Jessica was eating up his excuses once again. I am beyonf confused how my wife, my son and my daughter can easily forgive him after everything he did.
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male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 I will admit I feel a bit odd making any suggestions to you, as you are my "elder", and have lived and experienced much more than I have.
It is SO difficult to know when to step in a family member's relationship. What is easy to know, however, is that when a guy touches your daughter in ANY way that she does not want, you have an obligation to step in.
The focus should be on him, and he should be very afraid to make that decision again.
I suggest you go straight to the source, tell him you want to talk to him. Then, when it is just the two of you, get right in his face and calmly tell him that touching your daughter in a physically intimidating way will be one of the worst decisions he can make. And explain that you are doing your best to not respond in the same way.
Tell him that the next time you witness marks or bruises on your daughter's body, you will be having a meeting with him and the police. And BELIEVE ME, the police will take your side and see through any little lies he attempts to tell in his defense.
BE SURE to tell him that this is not something your daughter asked you to do, or something that will even be her decision if it happens again. You will be the one making that decision.
Right now, your daughter is getting beat up on the school playground. Only the bully isn't taking her lunch money, he is taking her dignity and sense of self-worth. And the result isn't gonna be a missed lunch, it is gonna be a daughter that begins accepting abuse from men in the name of "love". And not too long from now you will not be in a position to protect her anymore.
And if you don't stand up for her now, she will one day look back on this time in her life and wonder what happened, and what could have been done. She may even blame you for not standing up to this guy, when you saw the bruises with your own eyes.
You wouldn't let some punk hit your wife, or call your wife a bitch, would you?!
I hope I am not out of line in what I am saying, but I would not tolerate this happening to ANY woman in my family more than ONE time. After that someone is going to jail or getting hit.
Your daughter may not understand your decisions right now, but it is up to you to do it anyway. Tell this guy he will go to jail if you see another mark on your daughter.
Honestly, I wouldn't let him step foot in your home again, either.
I understand that if you tend to be non-aggressive this may be a difficult place to be, but you really have to set that aside for the sake of your daughter's LIFE. I promise you, it doesn't stop there once your daughter is willing to accept someone she loves being violent toward her. It starts with this guy, and it ends with a boyfriend who beats and stalks her, if not worse.
A
female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (30 June 2011):
 I am so sorry to hear that, no girl should go through that!. pLease do not allow for that to happen, I think that she loves him too much and she is probably focused on the good times they had together (that is what I found out happened with me... I am currently working on learning that sadly those times are not coming back, but rather there are new memories to "hopefully" be created with my boyfriend) I think that sometimes, we need a wake up call... Please stand up for your daughter!, physical, verbal or mental abuse cannot be tolerated! do not allow for this to happen! NEVER!, if everyone else is okay with it fine, but do let him know that is not tolerated!, if he's abusing her right now, you truly do not know what is going on inside that kid's head!!!! DO NOT RISK YOUR DAUGHTER!, DO NOT RISK AN INJURY or SOMETHING EVEN WORSE! STAND UP and talk to your daughter.... sometimes I wish my dad would sit down with me and ask me how he can help me with my relationship... Please talk to her... she must be needed you!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 Off course you are going to be extremely angry and upset at this Luke guy for hurting your daughter. It is only natural and you have every right to be concerned for her welfare. When a guy lifts his hand to a girl or even vice versa well then it is time to call the relationship quits. But I am sorry to say that she has to make her own mistakes and learn from them. I know you want to try and knock some sense in to her head but if you try to talk to her and tell her that you cannot accept this relationship well then you will be the bad one and it will be you that she will distance herself from. I think the best thing that you can do is to put on a brave face for your daughters sake and just keep a close eye on there relationship. If he steps out of line again then talk to your daughter and try to get her to see what a mess the relationship is. But she needs to figure this out for herself. So really the only thing that you can do at the moment is take a back seat.
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