A
female
age
30-35,
*2622
writes:One of my best friends has an ex boyfriend that she dated for about 2 years. Everyone kept telling me that me and her ex would make a good couple and i considered it becaise i like him. I brought it up to her and she said that she dont think she would be ok with us being together. Well one thing led to another and we are now dating. everyone but her knows about it. I feel kinda guilty for doing this to her because she is my best friend but they have been broken up for a few years now. She told him that she does not want to get back with him and that she just wants to be friends with him. The way i look at is that they have been broken up for a long time and she has had plenty of chances to get back with him but she decided not too and its not like i broke them up or took him from her. And whether or not we are together she will still have to deal with him being with another girl. I just need to know if i am in the wrong for being with him and if i should tell her about it before she finds out on her own. How should i break it to her. I dont wanna lose her friendship but i also dont wanna lose the relationship that i am in with him.
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female
reader, matureflowerx  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 I think you should let your friend know. She already told you she would not be comfortable with you making a move on her ex but you did anyway so by keeping her in the dark she will feel even more betrayed. Also the fact that you are keeping this a secret proves that deep down you know that you are in the wrong and feel guilty. And so you should as her supposed "best" friend (must not mean as much to you as it does to most people) you should be looking after her and not turning around and stabbing her in the back. I am a firm believer of karma and what comes around goes around. I also wouldn't be suprised if your friend did not end your friendship and your other friends will no longer trust you (especially with their boyfriends/ex's) If I was you friend I would lose al respect for you as you have been a terrible friend. I hope your friend finds a REAL best friend.
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 I would just tell your friend, straight up. Just let her know you have something really important to talk about, sit her down (maybe over a coffee or something?) and tell her.
It's not like you're the rebound girl. If they have been broken up for a couple of years, then you would hope that it's all water under the bridge at this point.
You just have to put faith in your friendship and that it is strong enough to withstand this.
I don't necessarily think you're in the wrong. It HAS been a couple of years, and if you have good chemistry with the guy, why fight it?
You do have to be aware, though, that there IS the possibility that this could affect your friendship with the girl. You have to ask yourself what you value more, her friendship or this relationship?
It's a tough decision and it stinks that you have to make it, but if you think the relationship is REALLY something you want, then i think you owe it to your friend to tell her now, before she finds out through other means. I would think she would probably feel pretty bad if she found out about this relationship from someone other then you.
I wish you the best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): Yeah you are in the wrong and your reasons are completely selfish.
Yeah she'll have to deal with someone being with him eventually but now she also has to deal with her friend stabbing her in the back.
You should just tell her, you're going to lose her as a friend anyway, so you may aswell get it done with.
Just so you know, getting a with a friends ex is never a good idea. It's selfish and a complete betrayal.
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