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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My sister confided in me last night that her and our cousin have been dating. His great, great, grandfather married my great, great, grandmother and they had kids and those kids had his mom. Therefore, he is blood. As my sister told me about them dating off and on for two years I felt the urge to throw up. What should I say to get her mind off of our 43 year old cousin and get help? It's sooo disgusting... our cousin has a son that is 17 years old and when he leaves to go to college my sister and cousin plan on getting married. Disgusting...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): He only feels it's not 'okay' to date her because it's people like you that make it so difficult for them. Since you have your mind made up about it, don't bother coming back here for 'advice' when all you want to do is ruin other people's lives because of your own selfish 'justice'.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah, I'm closed minded but I'm not going to keep my mouth shut. Anyway, I found out the truth that they are not dating and haven't even once. My 3rd cousin is 25% related on my dad's side therefore he IS relation to my sister & me. He even tells people that think they are dating that she is his cousin so he knows that it is not ok to date.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I have a question for OP: why is it wrong for cousins to date and get married?
If you say that it is simply wrong, then you are generously narrow-minded. If you say it is because babies will come deformed, then know that medical research has stated that blood related births have just 1% to 3% higher deformed births than those of non-blood related births. This information was taken from various sources over the years.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): The age difference seems much stranger to me than the blood relationship. 3rd cousins in a family that doesn't have a history of inbreeding have basically the same chances of producing deformed children as an unrelated couple. I'll admit it's unusual but I don't think there's anything sinful or immoral about it.I'm a little biased, though. My parents are second cousins, once removed (i.e., my dad is one generation above my mom). My siblings and I are all tall, good-looking, and healthy, aside from being somewhat neurotic.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): The Most disgusting thing is for YOU to WISH A BABY BE BORN DEAD AND YOUR SISTERS....that's WRONG...
You are too young and ignorant too understand and no matter what anybody says to you, you are entitled not to accept or agree, but you could keep quite.
I hope you do not ever stand up in church one day and deliberately try and spoil your sisters wedding ( IF she does marry him)...you little girl will one day REGRET opening your big gob...and make many people unhappy just because YOU don't like something.
just get on with your life...and PRAY that your sister never wishes your future babies to be born dead and pray that on the best day of your life she does not stand up in church shouting her mouth off and spoil your future wedding.
Think on MISS PERFECT...WHAT GOES AROUND MAY COME AROUND..
disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
via con dios.
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male
reader, anoms  +, writes (16 February 2009):
 Why cant you just be happy for your sister, if she feels that she's found the right man then the age thing realy doesnt matter. I can relate to your sister, I have a second or third cousin that's been stalking me since she was 15 (2 years now) and both our parents know she likes me, but don't give a crap, if anything they want us to get together, although it's a little wierd. If anything I'm flattered but that's her choice and you should let your sister make her own, gudluk.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnaive..ha. anyone that would agree or allow COUSINS to date needs to think again. you would have to be crazy to allow your daughter to date her brother or uncle..it is just as wrong to let them down their cousin. sure incest is the best..but you shouldn't put it to the test.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): You are not yet old enough to understand that as 3rd cousins, they are about as blood related as you are to you neigbours, assuming of course your neighbors are strangers.You use the name of a Christian god, so I will assume you are Christian.According to a bible you are suppoed to be using a life-style guidebook, every person on this planet is related in a manner not so dismilar.An it isn't so far from the truth.Go back far enough down the genetic line and you can relate anyone to anyone.You are making a mountain out of a molehill. I'm surprised that they even know each other, being so distantly related.As a sister, your place is not tojudge, but to support whatever it is she does so long as it does not involving hurting anyone and as it doesnt...Stop being naive.Flynn 24
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBoth the being related & age thing is what bothers me. Nothing more to say about it except it's gross. I even told her that last night that it might just be a fase she's going thru. Hopefully it is and if they do try to get married I will be one of those people who stand up when the priest ask, "now is there anyone that disagrees about this marriage". I am being senseable about the issues, it's down right gross for 3rd cousin to get married. they are blood related and if they had kids..good Lord I hope He doesn't let that baby be born alive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): You really should chill out a little. Yes the age difference I think is a bigger deal than the distant cousin thing. But your anger is going to push your sister away from you. By telling her that's disgusting, she will interpret that as you saying she is disgusting. You need to show her some compassion...tell her you love her and you don't want to see her hurt. Just from your posting and your follow up, I can hear your anger...that's not the way to approach this situation, you will only alienate her more and cause her to run to this guy.
Try writing down or your angry thoughts before you have an actual conversation with your sister. Get the anger out first, so you don't come off as attacking her. I'm telling you, I know from experience, she will do just what you don't want her to do if you confront her with a judgemental attitude!
Now you can get as mad at me as you want to but I am trying to give sensible, reasonable advice. I don't want to see you lose your sister over this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy sister is 18. I was looking at the family history and his name is in the book. That is fucking wrong ok? even if you are 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th...or 100th cousin it's still wrong.
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female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (16 February 2009):
 43 and 17?! i'm all for age differences but that's definitely pushing it...
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male
reader, anoms +, writes (16 February 2009):
well im trying to work this out great great granparents would make them 3rd cousins? well that is very distand i barly know my second cousins so i dnt know how it could be that big a deal unless theres a huge age gap, you said he's in his 40s i think but you didnt say how old your sister is, well the only thing that would turn my stomach is if ther was a 20+ year age gap but then im not the one who has to sleep with him lol, gudluk.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Hi
You are entitled to your opinion....disgusting!
but it is not up to you to decide, who should or should not have relationships ...even when you do not agree.
Have you got a boyfriend?
via con dios.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): It's not like they're brother and sister! My gandparents were cousins and they married when they were 16 & 17 in Italy. Growing up I kept it a secret. I didn't want people making fun of me, and I thought it was a bit of a stigma.
They are both gone now and when I think of them now, I think of the 60+ years they spent in a loving marriage, raising 3 kids, coming to America as teenagers and building a life together, knowing no one except the people who sailed across the atlantic with! Not even knowing the language. I now look back on their lives with admiration. I am no longer ashamed to tell people they were cousins! In most European countries it is perfectly acceptable. You are entitled to your opinion, but I doubt if you will be successful in talking them out of it. If you truly love your sister (even if you think she is making a mistake) you will support her!
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female
reader, loving arms +, writes (16 February 2009):
here in england 1st cousins cannot marry, your family line is far down the family tree mate i really do not think you have anything to worry about
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