A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys...I could really use some help please.I was with my ex for 4 years, and we broke up 2 years ago. It was generally a very happy match and I was pretty gutted when it ended. While I've dated a few other guys since we broke up, I've only ever slept with him.I've just started seeing someone new, and I really, really like him. He is so caring and wonderful, and I love being around him. The problem is, I'm absolutely terrified of the physical side of our relationship, obviously I knew my ex inside out, and I'm really worried about looking inexperienced - plus I haven't had sex for over 2 years!I'm quite self-conscious about my own body, and while the new guy keeps telling me that he thinks I'm gorgeous, sexy etc I am finding it really difficult to relax and am feeling really quite shy.This is really depressing me, and I feel as though I might throw this away before it's even really started due to my own fear...can anyone help?Thank you so much...
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female
reader, Miss. Courtney  +, writes (21 November 2009):
I am so glad I read this because I am going through the same thing.. I left my ex 2.5 years ago after a 3 yr relationship and even though he wasnt my only 'partner' he was the only person I have ever loved. I recently started dating someone and im insecure about myself too. I think about how I look, what if he thinks im bad, and what if I cant do it right (even though I had awesome sex with my ex) its like u said- I knew him inside and out..
You are just having anxiety issues about it and even though u know its in ur head, it doesnt matter.. ur just not ready yet bc ur not comfortable with him like u should be.. It took me many years and a lot of great guys before I felt like ok I think im ready now.. and the guy im with now is great but im still nervous and insecure just not as bad.. You have to talk to ur guy and figure out why u arent secure with urself with him- my bf watches porn and has wallpapers of pamela anderson looking girls on his phone and it bothers me bc I know I do not look like that and I cant measure up to the standards of porn sex.. I am adventurous and kinky in the bedroom and like having fun but I have more respect for myself to have sex like a whore and I think alot about if that what he is attracted to and I know that isnt me then- is he even attracted to me or am I just someone he is settling for..
In ur case it could be that the sexual chemistry just isnt there like it was with ur ex, or u arent completely over ur ex- so if thats it then call him and get the answers u need or email/ message him on the computer bc u have get that closure current.. what was it that initially made u comfortable with ur ex?? bc if u are over ur ex and are sexually attracted to the new guy- figuring out worked b4 might help.. was it bc yall were in love first??
Try going away somewhere fun for the weekend without sex being the intention and when yall go to bed, wear something a little revealing but not where u feel awkward or slutty- itll help u to see how comfortable ud be around him without being naked.. itll help with ur confidence so when yall do decide to have sex it wont go from fully clothed to totally exposed with him never seeing anything in between before.. If ur ready to have sex and still too nervous, have a few drinks before to loosen ur mind but def dont go overboard.. My bf has seen my body before so im now able to sleep besie him in my bra and panties instead of my jeans and a hoodie.. and im working on the anxiety part but u have to understand- SEX IS ALWAYS BAD THE FIRST FEW TIMES! lol and that goes for everyone bc when ur with a new partner yall dont know what works for yall and figuring it out is what makes it bad but odds are- u wont be truly comfortable until yall have gotten the first few times out the way. I know that and im at the point where I know I have to suck it up and get over my nerves.. We have had sex once and it was horible bc he couldnt get up with a condom but I was kinda relieved bc I was thinking too much about how bad I was going to be.. I plan on getting over that by hopefully having the nerve to have that conv with him about how I feel regarding my own insecurities and then ima have a few drinks!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 November 2009):
Your new guy will like you for who YOU are, not who you were with your boyfriend two years ago. He won't be bothered about it at all. He is telling you you're sexy andng gorgeous, it's just you not believing it. He won't think you're inexperienced, he won't think there's anything wrong with your body or your looks, or anything because he likes you as you are. Just relax, go at your own pace and let him adore you.
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