A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 27 f currently dating this guy I met nearly a month and a half ago on an online dating site. Everything so far has been great. Although he's a couple of years younger than me (24), it feels as though we have a lot in common in terms of interests, views on life, and he can get a terribly shy gal out of her shell.Anyway, I was wondering if you all could give me a bit of advice concerning the whole "exclusivity" talk. Even though he and I have only been dating for a month and a half, I enjoy his company and have started developing feelings for him. We see each other quite frequently since we both go to the same uni -so there has been a lot of contact from both our ends. But since I'm a novice when it comes to dating in general and decided to get back in the game again after a year or so hiatus after a LTR breakup, so I'm not too sure if I should bring it up or let him do it when he feels ready. I dunno. So far we both expressed that we really enjoy each others' company. We have been intimate. Everything seems right but I don't want to jump the gun and perhaps scare him away .But then again, I don't know if it is more or less a casual thing on his end. He has not left an impression with me so far that it is. But I have noticed that he has logged in a couple of times on the dating site where we met. No status updates or anything from his profile, but it does state when the last time he logged in was.What should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 January 2013):
 IF you ask him he could feel pressure....do you HAVE to know right now if you are open to either way?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice! As much as I want to believe that actions speak louder than words...I've been in situations where I've had people do all of the right things and or say "bittersweet nothings" because they knew that was what I wanted to hear or what I wanted them to do.
To be perfectly clear, yes I like the guy...yes we get along pretty well...and yes we have a lot of physical chemistry. That being said I am completely open to both scenarios. Be it casual or exclusive. It's just that with us both being adults it would be nice to make it clear that we know where we both stand and know what to expect. Less confusion that way when certain actions or words don't really mean what you initially interpreted or that it is the complete opposite and there are real feelings/true intentions behind them.
We are suppose to be meeting tomorrow. Guess that would a opportunity to ask him. What more do I have to lose.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2013):
While I have no problem with sex outside of marriage or even outside of serious relationships.... you have closed the barn door after you let the horse out so to speak.
NORMALLY, I see folks say that you should not have sex with a guy till you have the "talk"
yes things change over time and that could be one of them but now you have the problem of you care possibly more than he does...
Women demand equality and sadly that seems to apply EVERYWHERE BUT RELATIONSHIPS. Men are happy to have us be equals at work etc... but in relationships they tend to still want to be large and in charge.
IF you are brave and willing to risk it you could ask him. Sometimes relationships just end up being exclusive without the talk and you just need to verify.
My advice:
YOU want to be exclusive. stay off the dating site. take down your profile (as in make it inactive but do not delete it)
DO NOT check on his.
DO NOT ASK him to be exclusive.
continue on as you are
enjoy your time
assume he's still out there looking until he says other wise.
WATCH his actions and listen to his words that he says without being asked.... those are usually the true words.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (10 January 2013):
Don't make a big deal of it!
Just out and ask him, casually. Do it during an afterglow. Just say "hey hot stuff... Are we, like, a unit, like, exclusive?"
Be prepared to receive a no answer. Also be prepared to receive a yes answer. Either way, you need to know how the answer will effect your emotional state.
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