A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I split up over a year ago, but continued to spend time together as if we were still together. Then in August I moved back home from college and he stayed there. We both cried as I had to leave not know when we would see each other again b/c I graduated. I went to visit him a month later and mentioned he kinda liked this new girl at his work and she liked him. One month later they were together...That brings me to now. Him and I are each other's best friend and keep in touch very regularly. We talk like once a week on the phone usually for around an hour. He will still say he misses me and will still say I love you. When he got together with her he also told me there was still a chance we could get back together b/c his feelings for me never have gone away.This new girl seems to be very controlling of him and hates that him and I have any contact what so ever! she has broken up with him 3 times in 4 months because of me still talking to him.But then she comes back to him like 2 days later and they get back together. He constantly sticks up for our friendship and tells her that I'm not going anywhere and we are best friends. He also has told me that she is pretty much the complete opposite of me,and is loud,doesn't get along with many people,drinks all the time, oh and she is 19 and he is 24...I also can tell any time they are together because that is nearly the only time I won't get a text back or he won't answer the phone. I understand he is trying to not create drama with her by ignoring me while she is near, but it's so frustrating. Why does he continue to accept her back when she clearly hates us being friends, and he has complained about how she gets upset over nothing all the time?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Thank you all for your advice. I definitely can understand where she is coming from and why she might be upset that we still talk but, she willingly entered this relationship with him, knowing how he felt about me and that I wasn't leaving the picture (he told her this as soon as they were together). I am beyond blessed that I mean enough to him to stick up for our friendship even though it is against her will, but I just don't understand why he continues to give her second chances when her problem is us still talking and he tells her that's not changing?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): She has done nothing wrong, he's the one who's being unfair to everyone - to you and to her. Look at it from her perspective.How would YOU feel if you were dating a guy who spent all his time talking to a female friend who used to be his ex, and seems closer to her than to you? would you, as the girlfriend, be upset? But then this guy doesn't come right out and say he's not ready to be in a relationship with you instead he tells you he loves you and wants to be with you, so you give him another chance. Only to find out he's still in constant contact with the other woman. He claims they are not together anymore, but he spends all his time talking to her and saying "I love you" to her. Isn't this crazy-making??If you want to have a monopoly on him, then that means he should not be having any girlfriends whether or not you will consider yourself his girlfriend. You need to pick a 'category' to put your relationship in, and stick with the societal conventions for that type of relationship otherwise it will be fair to any new parties involved. either be boyfriend/girlfriend, or platonic friends. If platonic friends, then there are rules for such types of friendships such as : you do not get emotionally intimate with each other like a couple, you do NOT say "I love you", you do not put each other above your 'official' significant other. If you cannot abide by these rules, then that means you're not ready to be platonic friends yet because you can't move on. then your choices are to either get back together as boyfriend/girlfriend, or simply not date anyone ever again (!), or completely cut each other out of your lives so you can date freely without interference from a lingering past relationship that is unfair to new dating partners.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 January 2013):
 IF he is dating someone new, there isn't ANY change that he will get back with you, he is just stringing you along while having a GF.
You need to seriously rethink this.
1. How would you feel if YOU were the GF in this situation? With this demanding EX ? *shudder*
2. You need to realize that whatever you have with your ex is NOT friendship. It's clinging on to something you two HAD in the PAST. If he was serious about you he would have dumped her already. Don't you think?
3. Stop hating on the girl. She has done nothing wrong - except maybe to date a guy who can't let go of his ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): you are broken up, you are no longer his girlfriend. you need to respect his girlfriend and the time they spend together. you have no right to fight over him because you are not his girlfriend...if he wanted you as his girlfriend then you would be together. it's time you move on and find yourself a best friend who you don't have romantic feelings for.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (10 January 2013):
I agree with 12345.
You are being unfair to yourself, unfair to him, and you are both being GROSSLY unfair to her.
Either tell him you want him back, and make a real go of it, or get the heck out of their way!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2013):
 I agree with Person12345. You guys are a couple, you just are not being sexual. so quit lying to yourselves and get on with it.
I knew exactly how my then "fwb" friend felt about me as we talked about finding him a girlfriend so he would not be alone when he said "she's going to have to accept that you are part of my life, I'm not giving you up" guess what, he's currently snoring on my couch... I married him.
The person they are not willing to give up is the person who is more important.
IF I was his girlfriend and he told me he was not giving you up I would point out to him that clearly you are more important than I am and therefore he should date you. And I would leave.
Either you two finish what you started or you walk away so he can get on with his life.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 January 2013):
 You're behaving as though you are still couple (and so is he) when you aren't. If you are broken up and he is dating again, you can't be expecting him to put your "friendship" before their relationship. Did you maybe also consider why she is so threatened by your friendship? The way you describe it isn't a friendship, it's basically a long distance relationship without monogamy.
You two need to decide are you together or aren't you? This weird limbo thing you're in clearly isn't working. You're clearly not just friends because you both want to be with each other. Even if you aren't still having sex and being physical, this isn't a friendship.
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