A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'd like an outside opinion on this if possible please. My boyfriend and I only see each other once or twice per week max due to our working schedules. We had arranged to go on a date night to the cinema tonight after he finished work. However, he called me at 6pm and told me he didn't want to go to the cinema any more because he didn't like the look of any films (he didn't ask me if I wanted to see any), but he suggested we go for a drink instead. I said I was fine with that, to which he replied that 2 of his male friends were already in the pub so we could go and meet them. I told him I didn't really want to tag along on a boys night out, but he could go on his own if he wanted to, and he said ok and hung up to go and get ready. I now feel really hurt by this. I wish I hadn't told him to go himself, although I got the feeling he was going to go with or without me anyway. I am usually happy to spend time with his friends, but we've not seen each other since last Sunday and it was supposed to be our date night, not me and 3 drunk guys night. Am I being silly for being upset about this? We have been together for almost 4 years and we have argued about him putting his friends first before.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (3 February 2013):
 Hi
I think most girls would be upset,he just had the tempting offer of a drink with friends,then phoned you.He in his mind did the right thing,he invited you along,but as you say a night with 3 drunk men is not your idea of a romantic date.
If it's 4 years you have been a couple,are there any plans to get engaged or move in together? You need to talk to him,explain to him how you felt,don't let him take you for granted.Theres 2 of you in this and it takes 2 to make it work and want the same things.
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (3 February 2013):
 I'l just put it in this way!you said the both of you have a very hectic schedules and he's free on weekends!so here's the thing he has his girlfriend and his boymates,I'm sure he doesn't intend to make you feel neglected or left out,but boys will be boys they love the drinking nights with their mates,and he asked you to be part of it,you should have told me'I'l join you now,but can I have you all to myself next weekend?' OR you could have said 'would it be ok if we go there for a bit,then have some alone time'..may be he's juggling his work life,family,friends,girlfriend..I think you should cut him some slack,I'm not say ur over reacting I understand you want to spend time with your boyfriend but I guess what's best is for you to have 'the talk' tell him you miss him the weekdays and you look forward to seeing him during the weekend and you get a little hurt when he doesn't spend that time with you..you'v survived for this long,I'm sure he'l make time..good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 February 2013):
 You write: "Am I being silly for being upset about this? We have been together for almost 4 years and we have argued about him putting his friends first before."
Nope, you're NOT "silly" for being upset. You WOULD be silly if you DIDN'T get upset over this arrangement, whereby YOU are his "fallback" in those cases where he doesn't find "something better" to occupy his time.....
How long do you intend to remain "Number two" in this guy's life????????
If'n I were you, I'd look for a guy who wanted to make me his "Number One" priority. I think you'll find that time spent with such a guy is 'way better than what you've got now......
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (2 February 2013):
 No I dont think you are wrong to feel upset about this. Obviously I think its right and proper that partners in a relationship maintain a social life of their own however there does have to be a balance here and your bf didnt give your feelings any consideration what so ever. I think you should tackle this one head on. When you do, stress the fact that your not wanting him to abandon his friends or end his social life for you, just that you want his approach to be more balanced.
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A
female
reader, Soldierette +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Please don't be upset with yourself, men naturally are not designed to think about womens feelings.. its in their DNAThe best thing you can do is sit down and talk to your bf one to one and explain how you feel.. I understand that you only see each other a few times a week if even that but he has no right to turn what was suppose to be your date night into a night out with the lads...You're not wrong for saying if he wanted to go he could as you didn't want to sound the controlling type but men dont always see that maybe you just wanted him to say no its ok Men sometimes don't understand what women want, its not them its just the way they're designed.. 4 yrs is a long time but you need to communicate and tell him EXACTLY what made you upset about this.. arguing and shouting will only make it worse so make sure you're both in a good mood and be each other friends wen talking..Tell him why you don't like it and what it is that makes you happy and try and come to an agreement over this matter..Alternatively you should also ask what he would like to happen so he doesn't feel its all about you and not him..Communication is the most important barrier in a relationship so dont be harsh on yourself and don't be had on judging him too..If it does still persist though maybe you should ask yourself if its fair on you???? Good luck
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