A
female
age
51-59,
*etty325
writes:Dear Cupid,The guy I'm dating hasn't said anything about get getting exclusive and this wk we have Date 7. I know he's a guy who probably should stay a bachelor. Very busy, has tons of friends. Should I tell him on our date what I want - to be someone's GF and that I get the feeling he wouldn't be able to open up his life enough to let me in? Or should I ask him what is he looking for? I get the feeling he'd say I'm not sure. I've never had so much in common w a guy before and our chemistry is off the charts. We email and txt everyday, he sets up dates ahead of time....uggh I just don't want to be dating someone but really not a part of their life, doesn't seem satisfying. Any thoughts? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (22 November 2010):
Hello again. It's a positive step that he has removed his profile from the dating website. That means something.
If he didn't have feelings for you, he wouldn't have done that. It shows he is happy with you and has no desire to keep looking.
Does he know your profile is still on there? He might have taken his name off it, but then quietly gone onto the website just to see if your details were still there. This is entirely possible. He probably would be wondering, out of curiosity. Remember, you have checked and found his profile removed. He could do the same.
If he saw your profile still up there, that might cause him to cool off a bit - although, he might not say a word of what he knows. Just something to think about, that you might not have considered.
You have said you both have no desire to get married. Have you actually talked about this?
Well, because there's no desire for marriage now, does not mean that it's out of the question in future. Things can change over time, and both yours and his need for something more than dating, could become stronger over the months.
Because he's just recently come out of a long term relationship, it's wise he's taking things slowly for a while.
Why he seems emotionally unavailable, is probably because of this and so he doesn't want to commit to a serious relationship for perhaps a few months.
If he is like most men, he won't talk about his true feelings with you, until he is really sure that:-
(1) He is absolutely sure of how he feels - without any doubt whatsoever.
(2) He can sense, that you feel exactly the same way.
Only then, will he bring up the subject at an appropriate time, about the two of you and what he would like to do in future.
This is very unlikely to be talked about after just 7 dates. Probably more like 6 months time to about 1 year.
It does seem to be going in that direction, just by the very fact that he has removed his profile from the dating website.
So as long as you get along quite well, and it does seem like you do, just give it time and relax and enjoy it all, and just see how it all pans out over time.
If it does develop into something a bit more serious, a few months down the track, it would be a wise move for you to then remove your profile from the dating website.
Even the slightest move in that direction, should be enough encouragement for you to do this. He might again check up on that dating website to see if your details are still there. If he sees they are, say 3 months down the track, he might be very disappointed in you - but still might not say anything. His mood towards you might change though.
Because he is probably not going to ask you if you have removed your details - he can check for himself - you won't know what he is feeling about everything. You need to use your discretion about how you are going to handle this.
While ever your details are up there, it's going to be a barrier to you both becoming emotionally closer, the way you want to be.
This is something for you to really think about.
Just gauge how things are going - even if he says nothing of how he's feeling - and if you feel good about it all, and he treats you well and with respect, and seems to be fairly attentive towards you, then remove your profile.
He like you, will then be pleasantly surprised to see your details are gone from there, and will see that as a promising sign of how you are feeling.
Don't leave this move too long though. Just be very sure that you no longer wish to keep looking for that special someone, and that you are happy with him.
You might then find that shortly after that, he will begin to be more open with you about how he feels, and put those feelings into words. You will be surprised.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 November 2010):
 I don't go by dates, I go by how many months you have been talking/seeing each other. How many months has that been? Usually after 3 months, you don't want to be in that gray area any longer.
Have you guys even discussed that, you're just seeing each other or are you keeping it open for the time being? I like to lay down that ground rule first..Then 3 months you can inquire about your status..It's all in how you ask, a lot of women come off as pushy and demanding that's when the guy clams up or you don't hear from him again. I get that you want to know, so you're not wasting your time..here's how you ask. Next time you're face to face, say," I know we have been seeing each other for quite a while now, but I'm confused as to what our status is?" Play it off as you're absolutely confused, can he please clarify what page you guys are on. Then watch his facial expression.
If it really hasn't been that long then you have to be a little patient.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 November 2010):
 I couldn't agree more with what Dorothy has said.
So this will be your seventh date? Its really MUCHa too soon to be asking about exclusivity! You're still getting to know one another......no, give it at least another six months......after all, YOU might decide he's not the one for you, you know!
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A
female
reader, betty325 +, writes (20 November 2010):
betty325 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's never been married but he's much younger and just recently out of a LTR. We have dates w the 2 of us. Lovely, sweet dates! Neither one of us want to get married. He's no longer on the online dating service that we met on but I am. I think he's just dating me but I'm still dating other people too since I am questioning his emotional availability. I want to be some ones special girl...his to be exact but I deserve all of a mans heart not just some of it. Why can't dating be easier?!?!
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (20 November 2010):
Hi there. Has he ever been married?
If you don't know, it's probably not polite to ask, so just wait until if and when he ever brings it up - if he does.
In any case, it's really no big deal I guess, even if he's never been in a serious relationship.
Just because a man is single is not necessarily a bad sign. Some people like to have friends, but no commitment. They just like their freedom. As long as they are happy, that's all that matters really.
To start discussing being exclusive would probably be a bad move, it might scare him off.
Date number 7 is not a lot of dates really. It it was 6 months down the track, that might be a different story.
It's good he has lots of friends.
- When you see him, does he take you to nice places and spend money on you?
- When you go out with him, is it just you and him? OR, is it you, him and all or some of his friends - such as a public drinking bar environment?
- Are you competing with his friends to get some individual attention?
- Does he treat you well and with respect?
- Do you get along well with each other?
- Can you talk about anything and everything easily, and with no awkward silences?
- Are you happy and comfortable in each other's company?
If it is often a group environment, maybe you could suggest that you'd like to go out with just him sometimes.
Is it possible that he sees you as more like a mate (one of the boys), rather than a girlfriend - like you want?
Just see how things go from now on, and if it becomes more serious or starts heading in that direction - or not.
The thing is, you can't force commitment to happen. It has to happen of it's own accord.
There's no real reason to rush into marriage or getting serious is there? Just enjoy each other's company, and go with the flow.
If it does get to be months and months or even a year, and you are not getting the kind of fulfilment you want from this relationship, well then it might be decision time for you.
Another thing to consider is, do you have your own life outside of seeing this man? Do you see your own friends, have some interests and hobbies?
Or, does your life consist of seeing him and that's all. Meaning, you have made him your whole life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): He may have just assumed exclusivity was a given. You should definatelt ask him if he isn't bringing it up
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