A
male
age
,
*oger01
writes:hi, my name is Roger.I am a 70 yr old man and I have become very friendly with a Romanian woman for over a year now, who is 31, and also married I can honestly say I have never got on so well with a woman in all my life we do many things together especially laugh, she is very affectionate very attractive and very tactile, I am divorced by the way, there is just one problem, I think u know what I am going to say, I have fallen in love with her. She is on vacation in Romania and will be for next 2 weeks, and I miss her like crazy. I am 70 going on 35, I don't know what to do, do I tell her and possibly risk losing her as a friend or say nothing and suffer in silence. Any constructive idea's ? maybe from a woman of 31 who could imagine herself in same situation. Yours in anticipation Roger
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 August 2016):
 The good news is that you now know you can feel like you did back when you were in your 30s. The bad news is that this one woman is married.
The good news is that there are many women who are actually single and would appreciate a man who is also single, feeling young and actively looking.
P.S. When I was 31 if a man who was more than twice my age made a romantic or sexual advance I would have totally freaked out. He would have been a grandfather figure, not a potential romantic or sexual partner. Not sure how that helps you, exactly, other that to offer a view from the other side of the equation.
P.S.S. She’s married. She’s not available.
If you are going to “suffer” then you could consider revealing your feelings. But do that only if you are very strong and secure in yourself and can accept “No!” and the end of the friendship as an answer. You also need to remember that women talk about these things. Any advance you make toward her that is unwanted will be broadcast to people she knows.
My constructive idea for you is to make constructive choices. Respect a marriage. Keep your distance if she is confusing you.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (9 August 2016):
Hold on to yourself, Roger. Has this woman voiced any complaints about her husband and suggested a need for someone else? If not, it is 99.9% unlikely that she has any interest in you.
I watched a similar situation unfold with an older relative. The young woman adored him but there was certainly no sexual attraction. He kept his wits about him and never made any suggestive moves toward her. They were good friends until the day he died. You want be in this situation, not heartbroken because she severed your relationship.
It is nice to think she might be interested in you but the chances are very, very, very slim. Keep a friend for life and don't blow this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2016): My dear sir, I am almost certain your feelings are an infatuation brought on by years of loneliness and missing the contentment of a domesticated life. This woman is already married, and her affection for you is more or less like a father-figure.
Surely you're a man of character, and wouldn't want to cause any problem in her marriage. She may decide to discontinue any further friendship; knowing your interest in her is more along the lines of attraction, and not in a fatherly way. Although she may be flattered.
If she's European, being tactile is the norm. If she shows you a lot of affection it is like having a sweet grandfather, or reminiscent of the times she spent with her dad. Maybe she never had a close relationship with her father; and finds that connection with you some form of compensation. You may even be attractive in your own right, and most charming.
Beware should money ever become a recurring topic.
Please sir, behave yourself. Get your feelings under control, and keep your emotions on the right track.
It's wonderful that you're healthy and spry for 70; but the reality is, you're not 35. I don't have any problem with age differences between two full-grown consenting single adults. However; I cringe at people over 30 chasing teenagers. It's creepy and borderline pedophilia, in my own opinion.
Your romantic feelings for her are irrelevant. I'm sure her husband would agree. It's best you stay a respectful old gent, and keep your romantic feelings and hands to yourself.
This is a youth-oriented world. People well past their prime looking for dates with people who were crawling in diapers when they were seniors in high school and college.
The sad thing is there is an abundance of attractive mature people looking for love within their age-group who can't find it. Everyone wants someone much younger. Like my 12 year-old niece says: "If you're not old, kissing an old guy in the mouth is gross. Eeeewww!"
Older people have more in-common with their contemporaries. At most, the attraction for youth is more sexual than emotional. This ageist society turns on the mature and everyone wants to be younger than they are. Well, getting older is a gift. It means you've survived and life was not an obstacle, only a challenge. Find company within a closer age-range, it's better for your health. Make sure she's single!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 August 2016):
 I am a HUGE age gap supporter. there is over 13 years between my hubby and myself.
This is not about her age. She's MARRIED. that alone makes her off limits.
IF you express your feelings she will cut your feet out from under you so fast your head will spin. She will relegate you to "old man who is getting dementia"
You are nearly old enough to be her grandfather much less her dad. It's highly unlikely she's interested in you as more than a fatherly friend.
I'm sorry. I know that's NOT what you want to hear.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (8 August 2016):
 I say this with respect...do not pursue your feelings on this. She is young enough to be your daughter and more than anything else, she is married. Please do not do something that might embarrass yourself and almost certainly will embarrass her. If you can't rein in your feelings then sadly it might be best for you to end the friendship.
I certainly understand if you are lonely but can't you join a group? volunteer? Meet new people? I'm not saying that this lady doesn't have feelings for you but I'm afraid you are mistaking her kindness for far more than what she probably feels. Please step back, take emotion out of the situation and then look at the situation again. It might help you from making what could be an embarrassing mistake.
I wish you all the best. Please take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (8 August 2016):
I'm a 31 year old woman and while I can't speak for all women of course, I can tell you how I'd feel if a man your age confessed his love to me - a little horrified. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it's how I'd feel. I'd regard any friendship with a man your age as something similar to a Grandfather/Grandaughter relationship, and as such it wouldn't even have entered my mind that he might have any other feelings towards me. Of course your particular situation is made all the more complicated by the fact that she's married, so while normally I'd suggest you tell her anyway so you wouldn't always be left wondering, in this case I won't. Instead I think you should respect her marriage and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2016): Oh Roger, I am not 31 but in my 40's. And I myself would not give a man who is your age a second glance. I cannot imagine a girl of 31 finding any interest in you besides a paternal one. She likely is fond of you as a person but as a father and friend figure. If you want to risk not having her in your life at all, then by all means, confess your undying love. But the end of your fairy tale will come soon after such proclamations. Your Princess is TAKEN. And you are much too old to be playing Prince Charming....
Sorry. :(
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A
male
reader, Mr. Owl +, writes (8 August 2016):
I've had the same thing happen, only it was the other way around, at that time I was 25 and the woman was 55.She was funny, charming and just a real hoot, recently widowed but she seemed to be recovering from her loss very well.
We became very good friends and would meet randomly and hangout,one day it suddenly occurred to me that every time I thought of her there came a sudden giddiness in side, I, was in love with her, I didn't say anything right away oh no, I began to leave these very very subtle hints.
A comment on her perfume, a note to remind her of something, and finally I suggested a trip to the beach for the week end, it worked like a charm.
Patients is key, in your case understand that she has an obligation to her husband, now thats another can of worms altogether,I guess the question is, how does she feel about him ?
What kind of shape is the marriage in?
Many things factor into that equation that only time can answer, in any case continue being a friend, thats how great relationships usually start and don't be surprised if she doesn't feel the same way about you, she's just too afraid to say anything and she's waiting on you.
On the other hand in the unfortunate event that I'm wrong, which seldom happens LOL,be prepared to accept what ever happens, personally I find that when I keep my level of acceptance above my level of expectation, I'm seldom disappointed in the end, good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 August 2016):
 Roger, this is infatuation, not love. She is married and therefore unavailable.
Also, you are 70, going on 71, not 35. You may feel 35, but you need a woman around your age who is single, not a married woman who is yet to even be in the middle of her life.
I understand that you must be lonely, but that's why it's important to find people your within your own generation who can relate to you, or join a hobby or two.
How did you meet this lady? Do you live alone and she visits you? What family contact do you have?
Don't tell her how you feel; you must move on - even if that means losing her friendship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 August 2016):
 I don't know about the age gap, to me... 30+ years is HUGE that is a whole other generation.
BUT I don't think THAT is the big deal or issue here. The FACT that SHE is still married is the issue. Why declare yourself to a married woman?
You are old enough, Roger, to know better.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (8 August 2016):
 "I think u know what I am going to say"
You are obviously not thinking...therefore what I am about to say, is not what you will want to hear.
The age difference is not the issue...but misery loves company, and you are trying to make her your company.
You are divorce...she is married...so you want to make her divorce just like you???
Love and infatuation are two completely different things. Know which is which.
Unless she has papers in her lawyers hands, signing off for her own divorce...do not get involved with her in anyway.
What you feel for her, is what you should be looking for in a single woman for yourself.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (8 August 2016):
 She sounds lovely but thats just it, shes a lovely person and probably is affectionate and kind to many people around her. I think you have a crush on her but thats just it: a crush. Let it go.Shes married, continue to be kind and polite but if you cant bear being around her I say just step back and try dating a woman a bit closer to your age. I have had older gentlemen who were attractive to me and I am friendly, sweet, myself around them but know I wasnt into them romantically but friendship wise I opened my arms to them. Understand her feelings towards you are entirely friendly only. DO NOT confess your feelings, it'll just make things more awkward and youll risk losing a good friendship. Just step back and re-evaluate the situation and pursue a woman a bit closer to your age.Good luck
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