A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently published a question on here about a woman texting my boyfriend everyday that I was with him. We finally had a real talk about it last night and he opened up more and told me why he texted her. She told him she was suicidal, she also, told him that her sister has cancer, that she was molested, and her relationship was having issues. I understand these can all be real issues, I've just seen a lot of my father's own mistresses do a damsel in distress to get my father into their bed. I don't know whether I should be really apprehensive about this woman or believe everything and try to help her also. Another issue I am having is if she is playing a manipulative game with my boyfriend when it comes to a head like my friends think it will soon, how will I salvage my relationship? My friends believe the next move will either be her boyfriend breaking up with her or a minor accident where she will need my boyfriend's emotional support. If this does happen should I just make him choose or sit back and see if anything happens? I am sooo confused and don't know what to believe. I do love my boyfriend, but I have trust issues which he knows about.I feel like I trust him, but I don't trust manipulative mind tricks that some woman play.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback... This woman is someone I have never met, my bf and I go to seperate colleges, he met her in class. 'they really connected' his words. I only found out about her when I asked who she was and why she was texting so much. He classifies her as a friend. I am going to keep my eyes open and hopefully get to know her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): There are these people who meet other paople in a certain place, for a certain period of time, and talk about whatever they want to talk about to make the other person feel better. These people are called psychologists and this woman needs one. If her issues are real, than she needs help that your boyfriend cannot provide. If these issues are fake, than she needs help that your boyfriend cannot provide. Get my drift?Ask your boyfriend to repeat after you when you say:"This woman is not my problem. The only woman who is my problem is [your name here], and I am going to have a big problem if I keep up with the texts".I had the same issue, where a girl was texting, emailing, and calling my boyfriend with the I'm-a-newly-single-mom-and-I-don't-know-what-to-do story. After some sightly manipulative texts from me she revealed to "him" that she wanted me out of the way so they could be together. I showed him the texts and they never spoke again. The short of it is; this is a game and she is pretty good at it. She's playing on your boyfriends inner good guy. Tell him to cut communication and don't take "but she needs help" as an answer. Refer to the above referenced professionals and leave it at that.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 April 2010):
I agree that there is something wrong here. I can understand having one or two issues, but she seems to have a few too many issues to make is believable. You are right, in that the next thing that will happen is the old 'emotional support' trick. If this does happen, then make him choose. Don't sit there, just make him choose. To be honest, I'd make him do it now.
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A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (21 April 2010):
 I have serious doubts you trust your boyfriend. If you did, ANYTHING she did would mean nothing to him.She could lie in front of him naked with her legs spread out and he'd be like, OK whatever, and move on, then probably never talk to her again. IF he loves you and he's faithful.The women didnt "make" your dad go into their bed. He did it ALL on his own. No one held a gun to his head. So quit blaming them, blame HIM. Sure, they shouldnt have done it, but ultimately the blame is on HIM. He can control himself just as well as you and I can.Imagine Brad Pitt (or whoever) laying naked in front of you, would you jump him? I wouldn't. I love my bf and I have respect for him. I wouldn't do that to him. I wouldnt want him to do that to me. (the law of karma does still apply after all)So going back to your situation. You either trust the bf or you don't. Sounds like you don't. And is it because of him or because of your dad? Is he, your bf, paying for your dad's mistakes? That's not cool.I say if the chick goes suicidal again, say hey, we should BOTH go over to help her. If she's just a friend, that shouldn't be an issue, right? Well, he might say she doesnt know you feels uncomfortable blah blah blah...to which you can deflate BEFORE it happens. Start having lunches or whatever with her (and your bf) so you can already be friends by the time the issues show up again.The point is, if she's just a friend, he won't mind you tagging along. Just like you wouldnt mind if he tagged along with your friends, right?If there's serious resistance, then you have a problem. Only YOU know your bf. And you know why you're having trust issues with him. Pay attention because you really DO have the answer.Good luck to you!
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