A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay! I need some help from you guys regarding a current friendship which is kinda heading south. I have been really good friends with a guy I know for about 2 and a half years, I will refer to him as K. Me and K had always got on like two peas in a pod, we would see eachother every week and he would often come round mine to play games on the weekend. However for the last 2-3 months are friendship has really gone down hill and now I need some advice as to what to do. It all started when K started to act out of character, at this moment in time K had a lot of pressure on his shoulders, which is why I thought he was being such a...well...dick tbh. K was awaiting his second lot of back surgery due to having an abscess on his back at this point in time. K also has a bestfriend called C, they have been friends for almost ten years, and even though they do argue, K started being out of order to him for no reason. K started to ignore C, and would constantly moan about him to me, then one day when K and C had arranged to go out, K ditched C for me. I was not happy about it, and neither was C. C had a go at him for it, and then K decided that their friendship was over, as according to K he had done nothing wrong. After that everytime I would go out with K, he would constantly look at the negative side in everything even if their wasn't a negative side. He would always moan and pick at everything I said, so I took some time away from him because he was pissing me off. I then went out with him again after his surgery hoping he would now be back to his old self, as the worries about surgery would now of been eased. He seemed great for a week or so and then he went back to being stupid. He started making up silly pointless lies, and every conversation we would have would always revolve around him. He had also been told by almost everyone including doctors that he needed to rest. But within a week of his surgery he was out and about, and wouldn't listen to anyone. He then made up with C despite moaning about him less than a day ago. He then done something else which was incredibly stupid, within 4 weeks of having his surgery, he started working out and lifting weights, and even though it wasn't a surprise, his back wound hadn't healed, and his sciatica had come back. He of course blamed the hospital for this. I then decided to take a step back and let him have some time to himself, in that time he did not once bother to see how I was or even send me a message on facebook, which irritated me a bit. When I confronted him about it around about a week ago he promised we would start hanging out again, and I trying to be nice asked him if he would like to do something for his birthday which was a week away. I had asked him before if he wanted to do anything about a month in advance and everytime I asked him he was adamant he didn't want to do anything. Then at last minute he decided he was going to have a few drinks around C's. We arranged on the day of his birthday that he was going to come and get me when we he was going to C's at about 6-6:30. I also told him over the phone that I had got him a present, and I had used the last bit of money I had trying to get him something. I waited until quater to 8 and he didn't show up, so I gave up and went out. I confronted him about it in the morning, and he made up an excuse that he thought I was just going to come round. I had sent him a text saying I would have to leave at about 8 and he tried to twist it saying I had said I was just going to show up, he also said his phone had died. It all seemed like a blatent excuse, and when I spoke to C today he informed me that K had told them I was just going to come round later, and he never mentioned the fact that I was waiting for him to come and let me know they were on there way to C's. It seems like K is ignoring me, and doing to me what he done to C. It seems like he no longer values are friendship and likes to pick and choose when he can be bothered with me. I also got the impression that K didn't want me there on his birthday, and for what reason i'm unsure of. He's promised we will do something soon but he has been saying that for over a month. What should I do regarding mine and K's friendship? P.S K is depressed, he has been for a long time, but he doesn't seek help for it despite his friends and family erdging him to. It seems like he almost enjoys it, as he believes negative thinking is the way forward, and simply doesn't want to enjoy anything. Many people, including C has said he believes he does a lot of stuff for attention, and even though I think its harsh I am starting to wonder if there is some truth to it.
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male
reader, PM  +, writes (8 August 2014):
 It sounds like your friend K has a lot of things going on right now in his life. You suggested that he might have depression and, although you may be right, his behaviour might be indicative of other types of mental health diagnoses. I'm not a doctor, so I can't diagnose, but I have some experience working in mental health and wouldn't be surprised if he were diagnosed.
Regardless of whether he should be diagosed, I think you should just be patient with him. He's going through a lot and there's probably something mental health-related going on, so I would suggest just giving him space and time. If he wants to hang out with you, he'll figure out a way to and if he doesn't, I wouldn't take it personally. It sounds like he's dealing with a lot and may not realize how his actions are coming across. Just be supportive and don't read into his actions too much as there may not be as much intent there as there may seem.
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