A
male
age
51-59,
*rooth
writes:Curious to know if any women have had relationships with men obsessed with being inadequate (esp too small) in bed and what the outcome was--relationship ended because of it, satisfactory resolution achieved and how, etc. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Trooth +, writes (8 August 2013):
Trooth is verified as being by the original poster of the question@soveryconfused, thanks so much for sharing! That's what I'm intending to bring out. It's just that some guys (more than you think) irrationally manifest this low self esteem as sexual inadequacy since intimacy strikes at the core of a man where the self esteem issue runs deepest. This includes irrational fixation on penis size but lots of people miss this connection. Fix the self esteem and the fixations go away like the mirage they are. I'm sorry he couldn't get through his issue, but I hope you find a guy who values you, himself and the relationship enough to last a long time :-)
A
female
reader, newbern  +, writes (8 August 2013):
Ok. Generally incredibly insecure men with low levels of self esteem are not a turn on. In fact, I can safely say, 99,9% of women would find them offputting.
Fair enough we like a man to be human and to stop acting all arrogant and artificially full of it (that's equally offputting), and a vulnerable and sensitive man can be very attractive. But proper serious hang ups and constant low self esteem, no thanks.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 August 2013):
 I can't speak to penile size but I can speak to being with a man with low-self-esteem and lack of self worth.
it ruined the relationship. and he left me due to his lack of self-esteem. I lost a great deal of weight and he left me for a woman three times my size because he has no belief that he's entitled to have a hot sexy wife.
The biggest problem with guys like this is not the size of their penis or the lack of skills they have in the bedroom... it's the organ between their ears that's broken. It's all in their heads.
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A
male
reader, Trooth +, writes (8 August 2013):
Trooth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, please don't assume the question has a hidden agenda. I know all about female anatomy and can work it well. But I talk online to guys who are locked into the delusion. I literally am just curious which women have personally been impacted by a guy with this delusion and how it ended or got worked out. My theory is that the guy's hangup over it impacts the relationship much more so than the actual size. I am questioning what women who've had a relationship with this type guy think.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (8 August 2013):
 Since most women can only orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation, and since the clitoris in no way can be better pleased by a larger penis since the clitoris is not located in the vagina, your worries about penis size are completely unnecessary and probably due to a lack of proper female anatomy and sexual response education.
I apologize if that sounded harsh. I went back and re-read that but I'm not really sure how else to say it. I'm truly not meaning to sound like a cunt, I really want to just be matter of fact and explain things in a precise way.
Listen hon, the clitoris is really the most important thing in about 70-80% of women's sexual response. Most men's penis size has nothing to do with her ability to orgasm and be satisfied. Check out the popularity of clitoral vibrators that don't penetrate the vagina AT ALL in the sex toy section of any sex toy website for proof. Talk to some women who can be frank about their masturbation and orgasm habits for further proof.
Obviously size queens exist. However, there's literally almost nothing you can do about the size of your penis, so your best bet would be to focus on a woman's clitoris as her sexual response site and stop thinking that your penis is the be-all end-all of female orgasm and satisfaction!
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A
male
reader, Trooth +, writes (7 August 2013):
Trooth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually, I'm the guy. I'm totally average size, but due to unrecognized selfesteem issues, I have focused for years on thinking being bigger would solve my self doubt--the social and internal psychology is far more complex than most people will ever know or even care to think about. There is no good help out there for this problem, so I wondered how it had impacted others and if they'd found a good way to get the guy to be at peace with himself in all areas.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): Before we were married, my husband felt inadequate because he thought his penis was too small due to some comments women made to him in the past. When I found out he was 7", I actually asked him what planet were your ex girlfriends from? How can 7" possibly be perceived as small? It blew my mind. We looked up what the average size is for white males only for him to discover he's well above average. I also told him I'm not so superficial about size because I'm not. Not all women have the same preference. And that was that. It never came up again because he no longer felt inadequate.
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A
female
reader, newbern +, writes (7 August 2013):
Oh my god. I really feel for you, as this has been my case (with my boyfriend) for years. I made the mistake, right from the start, to tell him the truth about how big my exes were. Unfortunately, we had such chats before we got intimate. As it turns out, every single ex of mine was way way bigger than him, which obviously put him on the back foot straightaway.Mind you, he already knew he was below average, but obviously all those talks of "oh my god, I've always been so lucky, they were all above average" must have knocked him down a peg or two.All I can say is, I tried to console him by paying him loads of compliments about his strongest points: his eyes, his hair, his personality, his nose, all those things, and I also genuinely started appreciating "small things", so to speak.I still reckon he has a massive complex to this day, but I guess I helped him by focusing on othr aspects.We're till together, though I have cheated on him, for the record. You? How inadequate is he? How are of it is he? etc
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