A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a major crush on a female work colleague.Thing is, she is taken. However, she recently vented to my male mangager whose last day it was about her boyfriend. She is 20 now and has been with him 3 years and worries that she will eventually dislike him because she has been with him from a young age. She complained that she sees him every day of her life.However, the thing that got me the most was when she said she had missed out on a girly holidays because of him. Not because he wouldn't let her go but because in her words 'there's not much point'.Does this mean that she wants to go on holiday to sleep around? I can't think of any other reason for this comment. She could have still gone and had a great time even if she was in a relationship, but the fact she said there was no point, its got to be that she wants to hook up with guys.This put me off her a little. She doesn't seem the type to have one-night stands, she is a really nice, quiet girl, and I think she has only been with her current boyfriend.My main question is: Could that comment have meant anything other than she wants sex with almost strangers?I know my obsession is unhealthy, I'm not as bad as I used to be about her anyway, I just can't stop thinking about that one comment and the shattering of my image of her as a nice girl.Please no comments about 'girls can do what they want', I know that. I just feel a bit disheartened about my crush possibly not being what I thought.
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crush, has a boyfriend, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Rainbow111 +, writes (3 June 2012):
I suggest you tell her...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): She wasn't even talking to you about it, you were eaves dropping a private conversation so whether it "shatters" your image of her or not what difference does it make?!
I don't like to be harsh but you sound completely infatuated, bordering on obsessed and you say it isn't as bad as it was? You need to snap out of it. Please just leave this girl alone to enjoy her relationship, one comment does not mean she will feel that way forever and is most likely very happy in her relationship. It is not healthy to obsess over someone, whether they are taken or single. You are forming completely imaginary opinions of her, even that her boyfriend is the only person she's been with - how is any of that even your business?!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): It's just I've heard so much about when girls go on holiday together they lose their inhibitions because they are never going to see these people again.
I just couldn't stand the thought of her being like that, but thinking about it, she isn't like that. Maybe she there was no point in her going because she couldn't relax with a bf waiting back home.
I acknowledge the fact that I have deep issues with women and an unhealthy view on sex
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 April 2012):
 Well there are 2 issues here. I will address your question first.
I am 24, had serious relationships since the age of 15 and have never been on a girly holiday. I also regret this (like your crush does). NOT because I wanted to sleep around, but because I never had the opportunity to relax and have fun (i.e. drinking and dancing) with my friends, all because I was with a boyfriend whenever they went away.
Why didnt I go on holiday with the girls when I had a boyfriend? Many reasons - typically going on an 'all girls holiday' means that your boyfriend wont trust you, not neccesarily because it is associated with cheating, but because you are away from them for a week or more with limited contact and it is difficult when you are out drinking and dancing every night to trust your partner. So I saved myself the hassle of having a needy boyfriend back at home getting worried about what I was up to on holiday. Same applied for my boyfriends - they did not go away on boys holidays when with me, not because I said they couldnt but because of the same idea as I've just mentioned.
Also, when you are in a relationship you often go on holiday together, so you feel very guilty for spending money on a holiday (they are expensive!) with friends when you could be spending it on a holiday for you to go away together.
So that is why I've never been away with the girls - I never wanted to go abroad and sleep around, I simply wanted to relax, sunbathe and have fun. Guys dont tend to like drinking cocktails, dancing or sunbathing hence why a girly holiday is fun! Perhaps it is the same for your crush - she might be missing girly time as she has been in a relationship for so long. I very much doubt she is the type to want to have lots of sex with strangers when she has been in a relationship for 3 years!
Now onto my second issue, which is more important really - SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND!! Therefore none of this is your business and you have no right to care what she may or may not get up to on a girly holiday that has never happened. Your question is entirely irrelevant because at the end of the day, it doesnt matter what you think of her because she has a boyfriend and you cant be with her. End of story.
Your opinion of her isnt important, and you need to stop this crush as soon as possible. Find a single girl to obsess over, she has a boyfriend of 3 years and definitely would not leave him for a guy who has judged her from one silly comment. Find something other than her to occupy your thoughts, it doesnt sound healthy and it is leading you to make rash judegements on a girl you dont know that well.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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