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age
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writes: Okay, I've been split up with my long term girlfriend now for just over a year now. She was friends with my brother's girlfriend and my brother has been civil to her as he didn't want any fighting. He's kind of a passive guy. My brother has a daughter and a son. My niece and nephew. Anyway, my ex partner has now had a new man for a couple of months and we have now just had a bombshell dropped on us that my brothers partner has left him as it turns out she was having an affair and she has now moved in with her new man. Anyway, it now turns out these 'new couples' are all going on holiday together for a week. These two total strangers are going on holiday with my niece and nephew. I found out that my ex and her new partner have even had my kids for the day and overnight in my old house I use to share with her. To say that I am annoyed at this is an understatement. But is it me? Am I in the wrong. If I had a new girlfriend and I took my ex's niece and nephew overnight would that not be wrong? I wouldn't put a girlfriend in that position anyway though. I just want my ex gone. I don't have anything to do with her family. Why she hanging around mines? I've tried to talk to my brother and his answer is - 'What do you want me to do about it? There's nothing I can do!' But this is wrong to me. She has no blood ties to my family. She is only friend with my brothers ex. I think it is even worse that my brothers ex is taking her new man on holiday with the kids too! Is there anything I can do? Or am I the only one that thinks this is wrong?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 I totally agree - your brother's ex is making some poor judgements with regards to raising her children, but you have to accept that they are HER CHILDREN and you cannot have a say in how they are raised.
I know they are your neice and nephew and you care about them, of course you do - but you are not their parent and you cannot tell their parents how to raise them. As I said before, if your brother was unahppy with them going on holiday with the new boyfriend then of course he has rights to say so - but you have no rights I'm afraid.
If your brother has accepted it and isnt concerned then you have to accept that he is their father, he technically knows what is best for the children so you need to back down and get over it.
Your ex doesnt sound like a nice person, it sounds like she really hurt you and that is awful. But it doesnt mean she cant be friends with your brother's ex. And it doesnt mean that you can do anything about her spending time with your niece and nephew - she is a family friend to your niece and nephew and you cannot change that.
The real problem here is that your brother's ex is being a bad parent, and it is illegal for her to stop your brother seeing his own children - that is the issue you really should be worried about. Your brother can take her to court over this, so really he should be ensuring he gets to see his children and be the best parent he can be to his children.
There is nothing you can do about your ex's involvement so you have to let it go I'm afraid.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to clear a couple of points up.
They are my niece and nephew.
My Ex is taking her new bf who she has only been with for approximately 2 months. As is my brothers Ex. She is taking the man she has been having an affair with for the past couple of months. In my eyes both these guys are strangers. I wouldn't put any decent woman in that position. Also my Ex had numerous affairs. Didn't support me when my father was dying and then had an abortion when carrying my child. My brother's Ex won't let him see the kids but will quite happily let this new man play happy family's.
I just don't think it's right that they take 2 strange men on holiday. If it had been a couple of years then fair enough but 2 months into their relationships. All a bit soon for my liking.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): I think you're in the wrong. If you don't want your ex in your life that's fine, then don't hang out with her.but you have no right to interfere with who else SHE wants to be friends with. And you have no right to interfere with who your brother can be friends with.You don't own your brother or his kids. So you have no right to want to stop them being friends with whoever they want even if it's someone you don't like (your ex).You and your ex have kids together, right? And she now has a new boyfriend, right? And she and her new boyfriend went on vacation with these kids, right? and you're mad at that? Look, they are HER KIDS TOO, not just yours. You don't have a monopoly on your kids because they're her kids too. And if her new boyfriend is a serious committed relationship he could very well be their future step-father so it's very right for him to be spending time with them. Why would you want to prevent your children from having the benefit of more caring and supportive adults in their lives?And if I misunderstood and you don't have any children and it's your nephew and niece that your ex and her new bf were hanging out with, then your anger is even more absurd. They're not even your children so who are you to decide who they should and shouldn't be with if their own parents are OK with it??? Especially if, when you and your ex were still together, if your nephew and niece liked her, why shouldn't they continue to see if if they like her and she likes them, just because you don't like your ex anymore?You don't get to monopolize your family's social ties. everyone else does not have to tiptoe around and hold back their friendships just because you don't like who they are being friends with. If you dont' like someone then fine - YOU don't have to do stuff with them. But it's very selfish to want to prevent other people from having the friendships and relationships they want to have just because you don't like that person.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 April 2012):
I know it is not ideal, but at the end of the day your brother's ex is her friend, they clearly get on very well so they are going to stay in touch despite the family connections. Your brother's ex is a mother, the mother tends to have the larger share of custody over the children which means the children will be around the mother's friends i.e. your ex.
You are not wrong for being annoyed about it, after all when you break up with someone you dont want them lingering around in your life still. However you cant do anything about it, your ex is friends with your brothers ex and they spend time together - you are just going to have to accept it and move on.
You claim your ex and her new partner are 'two total strangers' going on holiday with your neice and nephew, but you know that isnt true - the kids have been around your ex a lot, and have been to the house when her new man is around too. They probably see your ex a lot, because she is friends with their mum. So they are not going away with strangers, they are going away with family friends.
Your ex is allowed to be friends with who she wants, and your brothers ex can do the same. Technically because your brother and his partner split up, it is nothing to do with you anymore because your brother and your ex's friend are not together anymore - the only slight connection you have now is the children.
You are not the parents of the children, so it is up to your brother to be the one to say something if he has a problem with the kids going on holiday with the new partners and your ex. If he hasnt said anything, then clearly he doesnt have a problem with it. If I were a parent I wouldnt want my children going on holiday with my ex and his new partner, simply because I wouldnt want my children to get attached to a new person in their life - I would want this new partner to have limited access to my children until I was sure my ex was very serious about that person and he was going to be a long term person in his life. The friends part though wouldnt bother me, people go on holiday with their friends all the time so there is nothing unusual about that.
Sorry I cant give you the answer you want - you will simply have to get over it and move on. They are not your kids so you cannot have a say in how they are raised, and you cannot control who your ex is friends with as she is nothing to do with you anymore.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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