A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had friendly relationship with a female work colleague. I was used to flirt her a little bit which was in a acceptable manner. Recently she shifted near my area and she invited me to her house to show it. I crossed the limit a bit and touched her too much. I am not a player or very experienced dater so could not handle the situation well and should have read her mood, singles etc before crossing the limit. I won't call it molestation or touched her breasts etc but it was inappropriate and her reaction was NO NO. Even though she did not explicitly complained about it, I know she is not happy with whatever I did.I know, I made a mistake. I admit it. But this was the first time in my life probably and I am ashamed of it. I tried to call her so that I could apologise but she is not returning my call.We work together and she has got very good rapport with the her manager and I feel she might have discussed this with her manager.I can't undo what I have done. I can accept the mistake and apologise for it but just worried now. What is she discussed with here manger? What if other colleagues come to know about this? just getting stressed too much and don't know what to do? Any advice?
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (20 August 2011):
 Hey Kyle007! You provide some good key points in your comments for the question asker. From my knowledge though, I do believe sexual harassment is something that many courts are divided on. Many do feel that if it could potentially cause problems in the workplace for the two individuals, then there is an issue. In fact this is what I found online: "The Eighth Circuit has observed, however, that 'offensive conduct does not necessarily have to transpire at the workplace in order for a juror reasonably to conclude that it created a hostile work environment.' See Dowd v. United Steelworkers of Am., 253 F.3d 1093, 1102 (8th Cir.2001)."But I don't think she'll take it that far.What I do want to stress is the importance of knowing when and when not to TOUCH. If a woman touches you FIRST to make a point, comment, or to draw your attention to something, THEN you could return the touch at some point during conversation. This simple gesture is a signal that's sent straight from her lower, limbic brain which handles, emotions and sexual arousal(lust). But until then keeps your hands to yourself. If you don't see any positive body language (which includes flirting, mirroring, etc, with the touch or not), then don't make a move. I hope this helps! :^)
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (20 August 2011):
I don't think it would qualify as sexual harassment since it happened outside the workplace. So I don't think you should get in any trouble at work.
As far as people talking, that is almost impossible to stop once set in motion.
I really don't know exactly what you did, so depending on the "severity" of it is going to determine how your reputation ends up.
If it was just a kiss, I would not worry about it. Unwanted kisses are just a part of life. Who knows what goes through someone elses mind?
So if you did not do anything outright unethical, then chances are she may not gossip about it. But you will have to handle her on it. You may want to be specific as to why you thought she was attracted to you. For instance, "the way you winked at me the other day made me think you might be attracted to me".
Anyway, if you really want to "feel out" if a woman is attracted to you in any given situation, the best thing to do is to stroke her hair. Its innocent enough for you to get away with if the person is not interested in you, but an effective enough tool of seeing if someone likes you enough to make the next move, which would be to kiss them.
If she wants you to kiss her, then trust me, the smile she will give you will leave you with no doubt at all.
This technique has saved me from many embarassing situations, and led to some "hotter" activity.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (20 August 2011):
Well it's definitely possible that she spoke to her manager/co workers about it. And inappropriate touching is a form of sexual harassment. You need to work on reading body language better to judge whether a woman is into you or not. And under NO circumstances should you touch a woman, UNLESS to get her attention, make a comment, etc., by tapping her arm or shoulder. Any other area of the body may be considered inappropriate- and should only be reserved for people who are intimate, long-term daters, VERY CLOSE friends, or people in a relationship.
I wish you the very best in this situation.
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