A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To be honest, I just really don't know how I feel inside and was wondering if people could give me an idea of what I feel. I am emotionally restarted right now, like I know what makes me laugh and I can feel okay, but anything more its just a numbing feeling. My ex girlfriend, all the little things she did as a person is what made me fall in love with her, but she has made it clear that we are never going to date again, for reasons like I don't stand up to my parents, I lie to them. I will let things slide when I shouldn't, and that I am not a ton of fun to be around, very predictable person. She has a new boy friend, and well I have not seen her in a month and a half and well I miss her. I keep seeing her with her boyfriend though, they don't usually see me, I am usually in a car but I feel like my heart is trying to jump through my throat or something like that. What is that feeling?Note we have been broken up for just over a year now, and she has had two boy friends. She wants to go out party and have fun and date other people before settling down, which really is what I wanted was to be settled down a bit. We do talk a bit on instant messaging, not often though.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (15 May 2011):
 What you're feeling is normal for a breakup. Everyone deals with it a little differently, and it takes a different amount of time.
With that said, what you need to do is move on. Let her go. No contact at all. You are trickign yourself into believing there is a still a chance with her. You are reacting emotionally as if she was cheating on you, rather than just being with someone new, because you are still pining over her.
Go out and learn to like being single. Reconnect with your friends. Take some classes or join a club. Do something to focus your energy.
If you don't like some part of your personality, change it. Standing up to your parents is something you really should do, rather than lying. Either change your mind and agree with them, or accept the consequences of disagreeing. This is part of being a grown man.
When you are comfortable as a single guy, when you have cut all contact with your ex (including getting rid of pictures, letters, everything), and when you can stand up to people like your parents, then you can start looking for a new girlfriend. They don't grow on trees, and they won't just come to you; you have to make yourself into a good prospect, then go find one. It's hard, but it's worth the effort.
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (15 May 2011):
 You have a different outlook on life than this girl has right now - nothing wrong with that. You are feeling a depressed mood (does not mean you have depression) and anxiety when you see her driving around with a new guy on her arm. In time the shock of these changes and realizations will abate. In the mean time now is a perfect opportunity to invest in yourself. You can establish some boundaries with your parents, if you feel they need to be established. Also you can take up a hobby or sport where you can meet some people of like interest. It is not that you are not fun to be around - you just need the right context.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (15 May 2011):
Sounds like you two weren't a match for each other but your feelings for her were stronger than hers for you.An interesting point you make about not standing up to your parents, lying and letting things slide.The key to any successful relationship is to address issues and not avoid them - that's how problems start. You need to be open an honest.As for being predictable, it sounds like you could set in your ways and have a comfort zone. Perhaps she wanted some who was a bit spontaneous and wanted to try new things. This is not something everyone can do.You are still young and shouldn't worry to much about settling down yet.
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