A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here's my situation. A few months ago my husband and I were going through a really rough time. There was this guy that i worked with and we became good friends. One night he invited me out for coffee and we wound up having sex. This guy had a girlfriend at the time as well. After that we decided that it was a one time thing and moved on our seperate ways. I know what I did was wrong. I was in a really bad point in my realtionship. And I know that is not an excuse. I think to some point i subconciously knew my marriage was over. (Just some more background info. I have never cheated on anyone before. And the issues we had were there before I cheated. Also I'm pretty sure my husband had something going on the side as well.) Anyway I felt bad about it and wanted to forget about it. Eventually, things changed between me and the other guy and we eventually stopped talking, but I still had these fantasies of it happening again.Fastfoward to today. My husband and I are now seperated due to other aspects of the realtionship. The guy I slept with and I haven't really talked on that level in quite sometime. I don't know if he still has a girlfriend. And he has been transferred to another shop. I have been thinking about him a lot lately but never tried to contact him.Today I was online and he messaged me. It all started out very innocent. Catching up, asking how the new job is doing etc. I had made a joke asking him if he found any potential hotties at his new job. And he joked around and said "of course". Anyway the convo. progressed and it was evident that he was interested in meeting up again and implying he was interested in hooking up. Now see I don't have an issue with being "friends with benefits" but I do have an issue with him sleeping with other girls while he's sleeping with me. I don't want a realtionship with him. I want to be able to talk to who I want and be single. I know this sounds like I'm contradicting myself. I'm confused. So maybe I should just get down to the basics.I want to have a sexual relationship with him.I don't want to be in a real relationship with him.I don't want him sleeping with other girls while fooling around with me. And I wouldn't sleep with anyone while sleeping with him.I don't want to be tied down, and don't want to tie him down.So should I be straight up with him and tell him. Yeah we can be "friends with benefits" but if you start sleeping with someone else we cut it off. And if that doesn't work out you can give me a call again and if I'm not seeing anyone we can hook up again.I know I sound really trashy about it, and I am really suprised about it myself. I have never done anything like this before. I think coming out of a failed marriage I just don't want an emotional relationship right now. But I want to be able to have a sexual relationship without sleeping with around. I'm looking for something semi-casual with no string (or very little strings) attached. And please don't get me wrong. I'm not dumb. I know he's a player. But we get along well, he's hot, and I pretty sure he would be down with it.What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): I feel that major mistake you did in life is that you subconsciously assumed that your marriage is over.
and it changed lot of things in your life.
Now on. obviously you are confused and you are here in the forum. And now you want only a sex buddy. Obviously you are going down and down and further down in your life. My advice will be to rise up where your conscience does not question you. Because i can tell you that your conscience will question you on what you are doing? and i am sure you will loose every thing if you have problem facing your self.
So my advice will be to not seek the sex buddy in him. find some other kind of relationship with some one else. Or be alone. If you need a man in life desperately, find a genuine person whom you can love and respect.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 I think you have unrealistic exectations. You don't want him to be tied down yet you demand sexual exclusivity. Why should he be OK with that ? You are not married, engaged, dating or in a "real relationship " , he owes you no fidelity and no committment. Being a player, if a good chance comes his way, he won't pass it because of you, particularly since there is no emotional attachment.Why should he ?
If you want to get in this kind of situation, all you can do is to apply a "don't ask don't tell" policy and always practice safe sex.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 May 2010):
 Ugh. Friends with benefits always winds up hurting someone (usually the girl) when they start getting emotionally attached. Also, that's a very risky behavior due to the multiple partner thing and the STD/pregnancy standing risk.
You can't expect a FWB to be monogamous to you - it's a "no strings attached" understanding. I understand that you're tired of commitments due to being burned in your marriage, and you want a bit of fun with nothing to weigh you down. Although the FWB may seem like the key, you won't always be at this stage in your life.
Good luck in whatever you decide.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 Such type of arrangements are most probably short lived as people are not robots . We have emotions and feelings and either one of you may change after sometime.
Love is the only glue that can hold a relationship together.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 May 2010):
Don't expect him to not sleep with other girls if he's not in a committed relationship with you. I can see where you're coming from, but you really can't expect him to be down with that or to even be truthful to you about it. I would think it's best to not get involved because I think that over time you'll become emotionally invested and you'll start to want more and he won't. So just do what you feel is right, if you want to be FWB, then do it--but definitely make sure you use condoms everytime.
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