A
female
age
30-35,
*d79
writes:So, I have a major crush on this girl that I work with. The only problem is I don't know if she's bi or if she even like me back. She doesn't know that I'm bi. I can't just flat out ask her if she's bi or not because she is my coworker and I don't want it to be awkward at work if she doesn't. My friend has told me that there could be a chance that she's bi and likes me back because a few weeks ago she went on vacation and when she came back, she gave me a seashell that she found in the ocean because I told her how much I liked the beach and told me that was the only one that got a nice gift and everyone else at work just got a key chain. She even went as far as having the shell cleaned for me so that it wouldn't be dirty. I've also noticed that she's usually the one that starts the conversations with me at work and sometimes when I'm standing somewhere, she would go over to where I'm standing and starts playing with something there. She tends to touch me a lot as well. But everytime I text her to try and hang out after work, she never text me back or cancels our plan. Anyways, I don't know what to do about this and it's really driving me mad. Sometimes I feel like maybe she could like me but there are times where I just think she's just being friendly.
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male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 The one thing that is stand-out here is the touching, that is a bit more intimate than friendly depending on how frequent it is id say thats potentially hidden flirting. What she did with the shell was nice and considerate but nothing over and above being very friendly i would argue.
If she is bi or gay and that is a big if at this juncture have you not considered the possibility that this scares her, that this is repressed or is something she is aware of but is still processing which may explain her reluctance to hang out with you outside work and put herself in a potentially awkward position with you. Oddly, her unwillingness to hang with you is actually a positive thing, perhaps the only other thing that suggests she has more than friendly feelings, the reason being is it contradicts her other behaviour which suggests she should have no problem hanging with you in an outside work situation and often there are hidden truths in contradictions.
However, a word of warning, if you obsesses over this too much i can see you taking action which could well back her into a corner and force her into a position where she feels she has no choice but to push you away, so be careful about using a sledgehammer to crack a nut, rather than ask her to meet outside work for example, I would try and meet her with others around, maybe a work social so she gets used to being around you socially. Softly softly is the way forward here, good luck x
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