A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilemma that's mainly my issue and I don't know how to get over it.I'm with an amazing man, we have been together nearly 4 years. I have a child from a previous relationship and he treats her like his own. We have a fantastic relationship and he really is a gentleman, he treats me so much better than I ever imagined possible.My problem is this; 8 months ago he went for a drink with an ex girlfriend. He didn't tell me about it but she did. She told me she regrets splitting up with him and wants him back. He apologised over and over and has done everything possible to reassure me that there was nothing in it. He says it was a one off and he thought they could be friends until he realised she still had feelings for him. If that was the end of it then I'd let it go. But this girls brother is one of my partners best friends. Although both in their late twenties, both still live at home so whenever he sees his friend she will often be there. I would never ever tell him to choose between me and his friend but I hate the thought of him seeing her when she has told me herself she'll do anything she can to get him back. The fact he met her behind my back in the first place infuriates me. I want this relationship to work but I have caused so many arguments about it and can't seem to drop it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013):
I can understand your concern.. I too would be very unhappy if my husband was seeing someone he had previously had a relationship..
I think under the circumstances you have a right to set out some boundaries .. Sit down explain that you are sorry but you are still totally snissed that he saw her without consulting you first, would he have been so understanding ask him this, if you were seeing your ex? Take it from me, he would not be happy.. Say she has made it clear to you, that she is willing to so anything to keep it get him in her life.. Tell him you love him but you cannot permit him to be visiting both her brother and her.. If he wants to see his friend then that is fine but it won't be at his friends house with her there .
Surely they can met in a pub or invite his friend around to your home .. He has to realise this is no ordinary situation .. Would he like it if you were doing the same .. No he would not . So why should you permit it ..
Words do not make something better .. Only actions do .
Take care approach this not as an argument but as a loving discussion .. She is hoping you both will fight over this do not give her that leverage but sweetie stand your ground . He can see his friend but just not with her ..
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