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female
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*opefulWishing
writes: Okay so here it is. About 3 months ago I was on a online dating website. I figured I would try it out. I created my profile and began my first search. The first profile that came up was a guy I used to know (not in a dating way) but through my profession. I always thought he was really cute, but I had a boyfriend and I was under the impression that he had a girlfriend. The last time we saw each other was about 2 years ago. So I emailed him thru the site. The next day, I received a text message on my cell from him. He seemed very excited to hear from me. We spoke on the phone for about an hour, we were both at work. About 10 minutes after we got off the phone, I received another text message saying we should get together sometime to catch up. I replied back stating that anytime was good to just let me know. Immediately he came back with "Dinner tonight!". I was excited. So we went to dinner. It was very nice. No gaps in conversation, etc.....So flash forward, after many dates and time spent together I have been 90% happy. However, due to the infliction of hurt from past relationships I have many doubts. He has a lot of female friends, some of which are past relationships. When he is with me, he seems very attentive and happy. But then there are the gaps in time that we see each other. We could go a week or more without seeing each other. This has been for the past 3 weeks. But we talk every day. I want to believe that he is interested in me....but I am not sure. Can anyone provide advice??? Now, the reason I am on here asking is because, I happened to go onto the online dating site today that I saw him on, I have already cancelled my account, my profile is not even on there anymore. And behold, he had been on within 24 hours. Now, to me this is shady....so I just questioned him, "So you were on the site?" He said his account is not active and he can receive messages but not respond to them. Gave me that smile and said, "Come On" Now to me this is shady! So I am totally confused....HELP ME PLEASE!
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female
reader, missdee +, writes (14 September 2005):
There is more going on than what he is leading you to believe. Take your time with him and try not to get to serious about him at least until you can find out what he is doing in the weeks he doesn't see you. You have already caught him in one lie about being online in that website.
The only way it would have said he was online in the last 24 hours is if he was actually logged into the website within the past 24 hours. If you account is marked as inactive you cannot recieve messages. Do alittle checking on your own and you will see what I mean.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2005): Try not to make him the most important thing in your life, don't make him responsible for your happiness, it can become a burden for him and he will end up, not bothering to call.
While I can understand you could have a concern about his possible dating site activities, you really mustn't let it eat at you. Control your insecurities and jealousies, dear. It will make him pull away. It does sound like he's dating others or just maybe he's innocently messaging women he met prior to you, off this dating site. Please remember if you are just casual dating then I suggest you get out and do the same thing. He is likely being careful with whom he wants to commit to and there is nothing wrong with that. You cannot bind him to you and control his actions. You need to learn to trust and if you care for him, give him your trust. If he misuses it, then you decide what to do, but don't project your stuff onto him. Trust, committment, love-takes time for some people to build. He's likely not at the same place in the relationship as you. Be patient..it will come but if you push too hard..you lose, dear. Give it much more time. Get out and enjoy a bit of dating yourself. Meet some wonderful new friends and just relax, have fun and enjoy life.
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reader, pops +, writes (12 September 2005):
If you don't trust him, stop seeing him. You will never be happy with him if the trust is not there. Even if you are wrong, you need to deal with your past problems, or they will spoil all future relationships. Get some help with those past wounds, and only then think about starting a new relationship. Would you blame him for dating others when you have been so hesitant, and suspicious? Do you think he has not picked up on your reluctance to move your relationship along? Those dating services send you a message when someone is trying to message you. When you check your emails, and if you click on to see what this is all about, the service shows you have been on their service. He may be telling you the truth, and is not actively looking for another woman on the internet dating service. Either you believe him, or you don't. It's obvious that you don't. So, end the relationship while you get help. Its not fair to him to be constantly questioning his commitment or loyalty to you, and it certainly kills a relationship. The phrase" Very high maintenance " comes to mind when I hear about women who act as you have been doing.
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