A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've been crushing on this guy for 3 years now.We met at University and became great friends instantly, we were even called a Bromance by our other friends.I always wondered if he might be gay, the "interested in" section on his facebook has been left blank (I lie and say into women) and he talks quite softly. He once made a comment to me about how people cant help being can they so he definitely agrees with gay marriage, one time he even got changed in front of me just me and him in his room (he kept underwear on at all times but that was it)One night when I was sad about something he walked me home with his arm around me, but then he did make a joke that people might call him gay because of it. We used to play this game in the corridor with other friends and would insist when I threw the ball back in (I was the ref) I had to get down on my knees and throw it back in, he even said it in a sexual way "get down on your knees" and one time when he was drunk he did push me on his bed and cheered ".... is on my bed ...... is on my bed"Sadly I had a big disagreement with our other friends and left the friendship group, I stayed friendly with him but it wasnt the same, we werent as close.I left the Uni for a year and came back, I bumped into him again the few times. He's doing a 4th year but all the others have left so no more nasty people i dont get on with around him, and ive been talking to him a bit on facebook lately.So I really dont know what to do, are the hints I pointed out actually signs or am i just reading too much into them, how do I approach him, how do i find out if hes gay, if i outright ask him, what if that ruins our friendship?
View related questions:
crush, drunk, facebook, underwear, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): you know it doesn't really matter whether he's gay or not... you are in love with him so tell him... if he's gonna enjoy it actually doesnt depend on you but you may regret if you never let him know you like him... good luck
A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (2 September 2014):
I'm sorry man, its easy to hide behind the cute straight guy who makes you feel happy and wanted at times. But in the end, you just end up getting hurt. I once had a crush on a straight friend and I realized that I was doing two things; first, I was hiding from being hurt because I had had a bad relationship previously and I wasn't ready to let anyone else in so I got my affection from my "bromance" and secondly I was craving a relationship like my friendship. He was kind, caring and very protective. I was really comfortable with him and never felt like that around other guys I had dated in the past. In the end I realized I had to keep on dating until I found someone I was comfortable with who would love me back. All the time you spend craving your crush, you loose finding someone right for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): Your question its actually very similar to one I posted a couple of days ago. One of the reply's I got was to invite him for a drink and just casually chat, gently lead the conversation to where you want it to go, if he follows your lead keep talking and you never know what might happen. However if he has no interest in what you want to talk about its probably best to leave it and stay friends. This worked very well for me and I hope it will for you too. If not just try your best to think of him only as a friend because as you said it would be a shame to loose a good friend. Whishing you luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): I think it's wishful thinking on your part. You didn't describe one thing that sounds gay. Straight guys wrap their arms around their straight-male friends. All my single straight and married-male friends have no problem either with me being gay; or with gay marriage, adoptions, and gay relationships. I am no threat to them, they are secure in their orientation and well-educated. The lack of ignorance and comfort with being around gay men does not make a man gay, or gay-curious. Men undress in-front of other men all the time. How is that gay?
Most straight-men avoid being around gay men they would otherwise have no problem being friends for this very reason. Stupid insecure women, and ignorant homophobic closet-cases keep them on the defensive. Nervous around us. Like the ignorant teasing of your former friends. Veiled-accusations disguised as joking. Guys avoid the stigma.
Really great guys (who are definitely straight) are often misunderstood. They end-up having to end an otherwise wonderful friendship; because the "gay-half" can't keep things platonic. I have straight-male friends. Considered my gay friends as "hunky-types." I know their boundaries, and they know mine. We don't define each other by who we sleep with. We are all men. They make fun of me, and will tease and touch. That is only because they feel comfortable doing things around you and me, they cannot do with other men without catching flack for it. They have nothing to prove.
If you notice athletes, they are quite touchy. Just because they're guys and bros. Not because they like tube steak.
They slap each other on the ass, hug and kiss in celebration, and shower together. Homo-erotic no doubt; but not in their minds.
Sexually, my buds only prefer women; and their girlfriends or wives know it. Some of the ladies were apprehensive or unsure first meeting me; but now I babysit for these people. I go on vacations with them, and their families. These men are assuredly heterosexual, and just good friends. I love these people like family. That's all.
Three long years and what you describe is all you can come up with? It's you whose crush is growing out of control.
He has had every opportunity to just tell you, or make a straight-out pass that would end any question.
Guys just aren't that coy about our sexual-attraction; and behind closed doors or when drunk, there is nothing to hold us back. Even drunk, his behavior was totally inconclusive.
Just frisky, and naturally being gay you would misinterpret the sexual-innuendo behind his playfulness. He was being affectionate and allowing you to be yourself. He knows you really like him. He just doesn't want you that way. Gay or not. Neither admits to being gay to the other. I think you're the only one with the crush.
If your friend was interested in a romantic-way, gay or bisexual; you would have known long before now.
You wrote a post; because you don't have enough evidence or courage to make a pass yourself. You're hiding in the closet, but you really haven't hidden your feelings toward him. His gay-dar just isn't picking-up your signals. He's not a fool.
If you really need to know that bad, you can ask the only one who can tell you for sure. Him! Even if he is gay, don't you think his romantic yearnings for you would get the better of him? You're practically out to him, why wouldn't he come out to you after three long years?
I don't think the response you get is going to be the one you're hoping for. If he's hiding the fact he's gay, it is his objective not to change what you have as friends. My hunky straight-buddies are my bros to the end. I'm not compromising that love, trust, and friendship for anything.
...............................
A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis +, writes (1 September 2014):
 If you accept yourself and come out, then your options are open. Until then, you're somewhat living a lie (in my opinion) and it doesn't help you in any way - particularly in situations like this.
...............................
|
