A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend told me that he has slept with his ex several times since they broke up, she is the mother of his children. This has made me feel paranoid that this could happen again or that at least he still fancies her. I hate how this has made me feel knowing this, should I be paranoid or am I reading too much into this?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 February 2013):
 ya know, yeah I have to admit I read it as he's sleeping with her WHILE he's your boyfriend.
if he did this BEFORE You two got together then my response is very different...
IF he did it before he met you and they are not apart all that long, it may or may not be a red flag....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013): I`m assuming they slept together prior to him meeting you. If they have a history of sleeping together on occasions, then there will be some attraction there, which in turn, will understandably cause you to worry. If I were you I would keep calm and ask more questions. Try and ascertain if he ever slept with his ex while with another partner, cheated in other words. If that is the case, you have a big problem but if sleeping with her is something he only does while single, you need not worry so much. But it will still be a bit of a passion killer to know she is waiting in the wings for him. The best thing to do is to have a chat with him about what you do and do not find acceptable. It is not a case of being paranoid. It is a genuine and understandable concern if you KNOW there is someone he has casual sex with on occasions. They dont sound as if they have entirely finished off their relationship to be honest. It sounds as if they have not completely let each other go yet.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (13 February 2013):
 You aren't 100% clear in the time line of when your boyfriend slept with his ex.
If it was while you two were together, then I think you need to seriously think about what type of man you are dating. He would be a cheater and you'd be lowering yourself to date this man and you will forever have lingering doubts as to whether he really wants to be with you.
However, what I interpret from your post is that he has slept with his ex after they broke up but BEFORE he met you. If this was the case, my guess is that he was at least able to tolerate being around her and maybe he was trying to win her back. They could also have been friends with benefits and since they knew each other to be "safe" then they felt they could get away with it. Ex sex is rarely without emotional consequences especially when love was previously involved.
I think just about any man will always harbor feelings for previous loves -- at least on some level. Unless the relationship ended acrimoniously, he probably fancies her but realizes they weren't meant to be -- hence he is with you.
There is no guarantee that he won't go back to her sometime in the future. That is something you should consider and determine if your boyfriend has moved on or if he going to go running to her when things go sour in your relationship. Your know your boyfriend's character and only you can determine if you want to make that leap of faith.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (12 February 2013):
 I think a lot hangs on the answer to Oldbag's question. If he slept with her while you were together then I would tend to agree, *however*, if this was before you met then I am less inclined to agree. Frankly, its nobodies place to judge what people do when they are single. Obviously, they have a child together and there is always going to be some kind of closeness, since they share concern for the fate of their child in common. In some regards that will always make a new relationship hard but its something you have to largely accept if you want to be with him. Sounds like the ending of this one was definitely messy but just because they slept together before you met, if it was before you met, doesn't mean that he hasn't now moved on having met you. In fact, I think it would be unfair to conclude he hasn't *unless* he slept with her while you have been together. If this is the case then your paranoia is well founded and you should probably end this, if it isnt however I think its something you need to try and work through with him, by communicating your feelings and letting him help you overcome them. In this case, your paranoia still has a rational basis but it is less likely to be accurate in what it is telling you. It may simply be the case that your picking up on their closeness due to the child they have in common.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 February 2013):
 Hi
Do you mean he has slept with her while he has been seeing you?
If so, dump him.
If it happened *before* you met,he has probably just used her for his own needs and she has gone along with it to try to get him back...MAYBE.Depends on the circumstances, why they split up etc
Just proceed with caution,tell him your concerned.If you don't trust him not to do it again however,then finish it.No trust,no point.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (12 February 2013):
 He never moved on, and he's not that interested in you. The best thing that you can do is end the relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 February 2013):
I'd not only be paranoid I'd be PISSED
He is your BOYFRIEND and he's sleeping with his EX while he's your BOYFRIEND?
and this is OK with you? did you give him permission to sleep with her while he's your BOYFRIEND?
should you be paranoid?
no you should be kicking his cheating butt to the curb.
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