A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can I move on from a straight-gay men relationship? I've had this boyfriend whom I loved so much (till now). We were friends for like 3 years. We study in the same University and we both belong to the same section. He was one of my few straight guy friends. We became very close and did almost all things together. He knew that I was gay and I had a huge crush on him. Fortunately, nothing changed in our relationship even if he knew all of these. In fact, we became closer since I confessed my feelings for him. We would exchange sweet text messages with each other as if we were a couple.I perfectly knew that he was just fooling around and as a friend, I just chose to get along with it. But I could not help but to fall in love with him. :( It was alright for him though. He even said "sorry" for causing me great emotional struggle since we were just friends and he's straight. I just accepted that and continued on with our friendship because I would rather remain as a friend than lose him completely. On our fourth year, something happened between us. It was a sexual kind of thing (you all know what I mean). At first, I was very awkward and I said that we should just forget about it and pretend as if nothing happened. But I was surprised when he said that it was okay and that he actually liked it. He even said that he, too was having feelings for me. He said that he love me and that we should be together. It was the happiest day of my life. It thought that finally, my one and only wish came true: He loved me back. I said that maybe he was just confused because of what happened between us and that it was pure libido. I even said not to rush things between the two of us. But he keep on saying that he liked me and that he loves me. The only thing that I asked for him, if ever he would be my bf, is that he must try to be as honest as possible. He agreed. And so he became my boyfriend but we both agreed to keep it as a secret. Nobody knew what was happening between us, even our closest friends. At first, he was the sweetest guy you could ever imagine. However, several weeks after, he suddenly became cold. He would not text me for like a week. Even if we were together at school, he rarely talked to me as if I do not exist. It was torture for me. I kept on thinking about what could I have done for him to be like that. I never cheated on him and I was always there for him. And then suddenly, at the last day of our first semester, he broke up with me thru text. He said that he was not happy anymore and that maybe relationships like ours are not meant to work out. I felt so sad and frustrated. I blamed myself because I failed to keep my promise to him that I would do everything to make him happy. :( I did not say anything other than "It's okay. I understand" even if, in fact, I just can't. After that, he would not talk to me. His replies were consisted of one-lined statements as if he was trying to avoid the situation. Please help me. It's been months since our breakup but I can't seem to move on. I still love him even if it hurts but at the same time, I know that I must move on. :( Up until now, we are not talking to each other.
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broke up, crush, libido, move on, text, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 I think he is gay and is struggling with this. I feel sorry for him, because he does not have the courage to accept himself as he really is. He is pushing you away, because right now he cannot accept the fact that he's gay. I think he does love you. He'll probably try to date women to forget about you, but in time he'll come to realize that by running away from you, he was running away from himself. He'll definitely come back to you when he becomes more comfortable with himself, but there is no telling when that will be and by then you will probably be with someone else.I'm so sorry he hurt you. You sound like an incredible person.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (12 February 2013):
 I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know that must be hard. it sounds to me like he really cared a lot about you and always had a little thing for you, even before anything ever happened. Because I don't know many straight men who act like what you said.I wouldn't be surprised if he freaked himself out about being gay and just suddenly turned against you. I've unfortunately seen this happen too many times. That he's in denial of who he is and pushed you away. Don't beat yourself up. You didn't do anything wrong here.Maybe it's for the best that you two don't talk. I know it hurts, but it also would be a tease for you to be friends with him, wouldn't it? You love this guy, so I imagine it would make things difficult when trying to date someone else. Take some time and try to heal. I know it's hard when you lose a best friend in the whole ordeal. I wouldn't be surprised if you heard from him later on down the road. Maybe in a year or two. Especially if he explores his sexuality more and becomes more comfortable with it. You may not get back together, but you'll at least get your closure. But by then, hopefully it won't matter anymore and you'll be happy with someone else. :) feel better.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 February 2013):
He doesn't sound very straight to me.
I imagine that he cares about you but is finding his feelings very difficult to accept. Not to mention he may not be ready to have his sexuality known to others and the constant fear of getting caught may have been too much for him.
Maybe getting over him will be easier if you understand that the problem wasn't you or anything you did. Some things just aren't meant to be and the two of you will probably have a soft spot for each other for a long time.
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