A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy i'm friends with and he makes me feel ashamed to be indian, the comments he makes really grate on my nerves. I don't know what to do about it!It's not him being racist or doing anything malicious. It's just he'll keep referring to indians as 'my' people and comments about them. His friend left some indian sauce behind and he made a point of asking if i wanted it because it's my food and i can have it with my indian spices and it's annoying me now. I told him i'm also half english and part spanish. In fact, my parents have always said i'm more english because I don't like indian food, music and culturally i'm more western. It's not because i'm ashamed of it, i just have never had a liking to the food or music.He once talked about the slums and made a joke of it must of been a hard life for me there, to which i said i was brought up here and he looked so surprised as if he didn't believe me! And my friend is also half indian, but because she's white he said he doesn't see her as indian at all and because my skin colour (which is actually olive?) i'm more indian than she is. Which she found insulting and so did I, i'm proud to be english too but of course apparently because my skin colour i can't be seen as that?It's just these comments and jokes he makes are annoying me, so much that it's making me wonder why i'm getting so annoyed? I'm not ashamed of being indian, i love that I am, but because i get annoyed at the comments he makes about it. I end up feeling like i'm ashamed that I am and wishing he would realise i'm also half english!! I don't know what to do, it's getting me down now... Could it be that i am ashamed then? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (5 November 2012):
 The thing about food - all right, just a bit of joking around.
The rest of it - very racist. There is absolutely no call for you to be ashamed of any part of your ethnicity.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): He is just plain ignorant and has probably never left North America. Ignorance as you may know breeds a form of racism because he doesn't know anything else. It is somewhat racist and you should either tell him that he makes you feel like you're from another planet (ie his remarks about "your people" OR find other more educated people to hang out with.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (4 November 2012):
 Fishdish is right, it is racism. Anyone would feel this way if in the same situation regardless of race and he is very insensitive and rude, I'm surprised he could be so clueless. I would tell him he is being rude and you can't continue this friendship unless he stops making stupid jokes and assumptions about you. It is most definitely racist. And I don't believe you are ashamed of being Indian, he has just made you feel embarrassed by singling you out with his comments, anyone would feel this way.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (4 November 2012):
 you're angry because he IS being racist, he's acting on prejudgements based on your culture and skin tone. Racist comes in different forms and it doesn't mean he wants to burn you at the stake, it means that he's reducing you to stereotypes--that indian people are poor, that all indian people love indian food, that darkness=indianness. He's ignorant and offensive and I would tell him if he can't get over you being part indian and stop making digs at you about it, you won't value your friendship as much and you will stop being his friend. who needs someone to make them feel angry, uncomfortable in their own skin? no one. he may not realize that these "jokes" are having an impact on you and like you said, he isn't intending malice. if that's the case, your point will be well taken and he'll shape up. if not i would move on.
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