A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I have a complicated relationship with my best friend. We have known each other for two years now, and have spent a whole lot of time getting to know each other. In fact, we're together so much we are mistaken for a couple all of the time. Truthfully, I would like to be more than friends but I am not even sure he wants to be friends anymore. With any other girls he is super flirty and touchy and gives lots of compliments, but is a lot more reserved in his interactions with me. So much so that my friends have noticed before and asked me about it, but the only time I came close to asking him about it he said it was because he was "respecting my space". The first night we met he was very flirty and expressed interest in wanting a relationship but ever since then writes it off, saying he "didn't mean it like that". We've hugged a few times, but only in serious or special moments. Other than that we only touch accidentally. What does this mean? Could it be he prefers other girls but settles for me because I'm so eager to spend time with him?
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (11 April 2014):
 I agree with Cerberus, it could mean anything. You won't know exactly how he feels about you unless you ask. So, be brave and talk to him about how you feel.
There's really only two answers here -
#1. He's serious about you, so he doesn't want to take advantage of you.
#2. He friend-zoned you.
Unless you ask, you will never know the answer.
Best of luck!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 April 2014):
 Here's a lesson in "guy-speak."
"Respecting my (your) space" means that he is going to avoid making himself available to you - sexually - until you have become so enchanted with him that you will do ANYTHING (short of serious, outright embarrassing) to get him to put out for you.......
IF'n you fall for this (as many young women have) then you will be in good company.... AND you have a long-shot chance at this guy becoming your real "boyfriend".....
IF he's a GREAT PLAYER... then you will have a chance to become the next conquest via his amazing restraint-scheme...
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2014): You are being friend zoned. We are all human being.it doesnt matter if your a man or a woman. Or a girl or a boy. When we like someone, it shows.especially with guys, they will talk to you, they will ask you out, they will call you non stop etc. If he isnt doing that, he view u as a plain friend. No more no less. Period. On the other hand, i salute your friend for the fact that he isnt taking afvantage of you. Probably he knows you want to be more than friends, but his not on the same page with you yet. Not this time. Maybe after few months or even years just not this time i guess. Because if he really feels the way you do for him he will not wait he will tell you. You will never yourself writing here.you'll be busy hanging out with him. Trust me.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 April 2014):
 I think he's not flirty and touchy feely with you because he doesn't want you to gain false hope. He's known you two years and likes your company. If he wanted to date you, he's had two years to ask you out.
You could ask him out on a date and see what happens, but do be prepared to hear "no thank you" and "I don't like you that way."
I would ease up on the friendship for a bit, see if he misses you and tries to close the gap. Maybe he feels a bit smothered by your friendship. Give him some air. After all, a spark needs a gap in order to exist.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2014): It could mean anything, OP. We honestly can't say. It could mean he likes you but thinks you're not interested so he's trying not to get too attached, it could be that he doesn't see you romantically at all and doesn't want to give you the wrong idea.
No, it doesn't mean he "settles" for you, OP. He obviously thinks highly of you as a friend. Some people reserve flirting and stuff to women they want to bone, and it's the right way to be.
It's very possible he knows you like him in that way and it's become awkward for him because he doesn't want to lead you on.
the only way you're going to fin out is by talking to him and asking him. Make it a hypothetical discussion is you don't want to pour you heart out to him about how you feel.
But understand, OP, you need to know where you stand. If he doesn't see you that way, it's better that you know than to keep gaining feelings for him and not knowing. I mean it must suck balls to see him get frisky with other girls, it'll be pure torture if he ends up getting into a relationship with one. It may be too painful for you to even be his friend is that happens. So honestly you have nothing to lose by getting it out there and finding out. You'll either have closure that it will never happen or he may actually like you that way too.
The worst thing you can do is nothing. You can't just sit back and fall in love with someone all the while they're getting with other girls. That's a nightmare scenario and you won't be able to tolerate it for long.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 I think its because he has a different relationship with you compared to these other girls. After all you two are best friends, so over the 2 years you have known each other he may of developed a friendly relationship with you instead of a flirtatious one, which would explain why he suddenly changed his tune when you asked him about the first time you met. Its rather simple really, as we all develop different relationships with different people, some of them may be more flirtatious and others may be based on the fact that we just like the other persons company. So by the sounds of it, maybe you two have become so close that he cannot see you as a potential girlfriend, even though he may of when he just met you, and maybe he feels that if you two were to get in a relationship it would potentially put the good friendship you have at risk. I think if you are confident enough you should ask him how he feels about you? and I don't think its because your eager to spend time with him that he prefers other girls, but like I said he may have a different relationship with you. I have a male friend who I have been friends with for 2 years, and sometimes I would get the impression he was flirting with me, but I was completely wrong as our relationship is strictly friendly and I know he would never want anything more than that as it would risk our friendship. Good Luck x
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