A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. We have never really done anything except kiss because i like to always take things slow. I love him and i want to make love to him. I suggested it to him a few times and he said he does not want to have sex with me. This really hurt my feelings. He will not give me a reason why but he straight out admitted he did not want to have sex with me. Could it be because I am overweight or are there other reasons? Why wont he make love to me? What should I do? My self esteem is pretty low right now and i feel terrible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): maybe instead of you wantng to ake it slow he could want that because maye he really cares for you talk to him if you dont communicate it will cause future problems
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): First off i would ignore the first response - its way too reactive and dumping him without trying to sort things out first would be a BAD idea.
Talk to him. I think the problem here is more the fact he won't talk to you and explain his reasons rather than the sex issue itself.
If he doesn't want to have sex, then don't push it. If he wanted it and was pushing you when you didn't want it, how would you feel? Most women would think he's being selfish etc etc.
But if he won't explain his thinking, thats a little odd. After almost a year you should be able to talk about these things i admit. But maybe theres something embarrassing he's scared you'll react to or not like him for? Or maybe theres something in his past that makes him scared and clam up on the subject?
The only way to figure out what it is is to talk to him and get him to open up. He may actually be in need of help from you, but just hides things because hes scared etc etc.
What ever you do, try and get a reason, be it for better or worse, but don't push the subject. It can be a touchy area for guys aswell and girls.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 You need to have an honest conversation with him and let him know you need to know, however the news might make you feel, you need to know!Although weight could affect sexuality, I don't believe this is your case. You have been in a relationship for almost a year and if he were upset by your weight this would have come up earlier. Furthermore you haven't made love yet so it is difficult he might be upset about something regarding sex in terms of you. However, if you do feel uncomfortable because of your weight, maybe you should consider making dietary and exercise adjustments (not strict-going-hungry diets). Do this for yourself and you will be feeling better!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): That is very weird. Ok. There is definitely a reason. There is a reason for everything. He knows exactly why he won't have sex with you. And it is not fair that he says he loves you and calls himself your bf and won't even tell you his reason for not wanting to pleasure you as any normal guy would want to do. It probably has nothing to do with your weight, though. I mean if he had a problem with your weight he wouldn't be dating you to begin with. Furthermore, I just know it is not that.
Um. Well there is something this guy is not telling you. He might be gay. Or I don't know. It is absolutely NOT normal for a guy that age to not want to have sex. And DO NOT take it personally because it has nothing to do with you. Obviously this guy has got issues and he is probably using you to make it seem like he can have a normal relationship. But there is nothing normal about him not wanting to have sex. But don't let this hurt your self esteem because their is NOTHING wrong with you. He, on the other, sounds weird.
If he doesn't want to have sex with you and to top it off, doesn't even want to talk about it or explain himself, then that is not fair to you. When a bf loves you he should talk to you and communicate his feelings and express himself and do anything to make you happy and make you feel informed. But he is not doing this because he probably thinks he can get away with it. I would dump him if I were you.
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