A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:I've been broken up with my ex/first love for about a year, we also dated for a year. My head tells me she's not good enough for me. I mean, she's selfish, self centered, very possibly undiagnosed with a mental disorder, and indulges in alcohol and drugs excessively on a daily basis. Nevertheless, I can't stop thinking about her. We never really stopped talking after we broke up. I just stopped talking to her the entire month of July then she started AIM and calling me. She's hanging out/dating this dude who uses cocaine, she even left him a message saying she'll miss him while she's away for a day. Why does she call me even after I told her I can't talk to her anymore, ask me to call her more, and tell me how annoying this cocaine dude is. However, annoying he is is doesn't stop her from kissing and hugging him all the time. I can't stop looking at her pictures and reading messages she leaves on facebook. I think about her maybe every 2 minutes, maybe more. She's never far from my mind. What does this mean? Am I still in love with her?
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male
reader, Solidus +, writes (4 August 2008):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your replies everyone. You've really help me sort out my feelings on this. Especially you Baby duck, I will most definitely google "addictive relationships", "co-dependent traits" and "manipulative people". Everything you've said sounds very true and relevant to my situation.
I may be co-dependent on her and a little addicted to our dysfunctional relationship. It's just so hard to pull out when you've been through so many ups and down over the course of 2 years with someone. I also think Aunty Mae is right too that I do care deeply for her, prob because we've shared so much together, but I won't mistake that for being "in love" with her anymore. It's just sad when someone you care about is making bad decisions you can't save them from. I may have developed a little bit of a Superman-Complex from dealing with her.
Thanks for answering me so thoughtfully everyone. It really means a lot.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 What a great answer from babyduck. I couldn't of put it better myself. I know exactly how all that feels and its spot on. Its not love, its something else and unhealthy at that. Dysfunctional relationships are very dangerous.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, Aunty Mae +, writes (3 August 2008):
You could still care for her deeply , but do not mistake this for love! you have obviously thought seriously about your relationship to have broken up and surely there was a good reason for this in the first place? You sound as if you want to protect her from her new boyfriend - but the question you need to ask is if she wants your protection, or just your attention? If the emotional connection is still there could you picture yourself back with her? Could you imagine her changing herways for you? If yes..call her. If no.. delete her number.
Aunty Mae -.-
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