A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone.Well I've been getting close to a woman online for about 5 months, we got along great and were planning to continue getting to know each other and see where things lead. However, last week I found out she is married with 3 children and of course, I was disappointed to discover this (I had grown quite fond of her by this time) so I ended things.Here's the problem, I didn't intend to contact her again but since then she has continued to message me, explaining why she lied, and begging and pleading with me to take her back. About 3 days ago her mental health deteriorated seriously and she is now threatening to commit suicide and says she's going to make sure she takes me with her if when she does. I have done nothing wrong but end a connection with a woman who is no good for me, but she has told me she has all my contact details, and many of my pictures stored to her phone and she plans to leave a message in her phone putting all the blame on me and also mentioning all the ways the finder of the phone can contact me over her death. My question is, if she actually goes through with this and the finger points at me, could I actually be held accountable for her ending her life by her own hand and free will? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (13 March 2013):
 She is manipulating you. Do NOT reply to her messages no matter how threatening. If she is unstable there is nothing you can do. If she is just being controlling and abusive then she'll move on once she realizes you won't give her the attention she wants.
I've encountered people like this - I call them takers, and if you let them they will suck the emotional life out of you. Good luck and take care.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (12 March 2013):
OP, apart from your online correspondence, is there anything that confirms that this person is who you think she is? Suggest you just ignore but if you get harassed then go to the police although there probably isnt much they can do. Maybe be a bit more cautious in future.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 There is nothing she can say or do that would hold you responsible for any behavior that she chooses to perform. Her threats are just a way to hold you to her. I think your update saying you are going NO contact is best.
She is making these threats to emotionally blackmail you.
IF she persists you can tell her that if she does it one more time you will report her to the authorities as a suicidal person with young children who may be in danger. Also report that she has threatened to harm you in her suicide attempt. If you give them her phone number they will be able to trace her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): No you would not be held accountable for this womans actions. As a precaution and for your own peace of mind, keep all her correspondence, especially all the threats she is making to you. That is the proof that she is threatening and harassing YOU! You are the victim here, not her. She lied to you quite horribly and when discovered, began threatening you. You have nothing to fear here because you havent done anything wrong.To put this to bed properly, you need to make the effort to go to your local police station and have an over the counter chat with them. They can give you the best advice on how to deal with this and reassure you that you are not responsible for anything this woman does. And IF they think she is a serious risk to herself or others, they will deal with it. So go have a chat and leave things with them and follow their advice regarding this woman.It's not uncommon for some that do this type of online fantasy relationship thing to contact you a few months down the road in the guise of a `friend`. To let you know that such and such has died. If that happens do not respond. It will probably be her getting her fantasy closure, nothing more. All the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): Hi everyone, I'm the poster of the question and thanks for the replies.I'm 21 she is actually only 24 years old (I guess she started early with family life), she lives in another city and I never met her, so I don't know her home address or her husband and children, so I guess my efforts to involve professionals (other than police as one of you mentioned) to monitor her would be limited. Hmmm I woke up to a message from her this morning so obviously she still hasn't gone through with her threat, I think I'll leave it there and cut the contact and hope she will get past this sooner rather than later.Thanks again for your thoughts, its made me feel a whole lot better to know that she can hold nothing over me if she makes a silly decision to end her life.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (12 March 2013):
 there's not a chance you could be held accountable for her death if she actually does go through with it.
you could contact the police, if it'll help make you rest assured, and report her threats and say you're worried about her mental and physical well-being. this way, there's documented proof that you made an attempt and you're one step ahead of the game.
i would just cut all contact and completely remove this woman from your life. she's definitely gone off the deep end, as you say. and you are NOT responsible for what she does to herself. you have done nothing wrong, as you aren't the one who lied. you were an honest guy just looking for the same. she got herself into this mess with her dishonesty, and none of this is your fault. and nothing could possibly be pinned on you. she's just trying to manipulate you and scare you into staying with her. which is just crazy. she needs serious help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): I noticed your age is between 18-21. This woman has 3 children, and is apparently older and more experienced. She may have some mental issues; but it's certain she is manipulative. You can contact the National Suicide Prevention hotline as previously advised; however, she has found herself someone she knows she can scare. End all contact! You can't stop her, if she is really going to do it.
If you gave her your address or personal info to find you; consider yourself threatened, and report it to the police.
No, you will not be to blame. You didn't know anything about her from the onset.
Be more careful about getting too involved with strangers over the internet.
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A
female
reader, shev123 +, writes (12 March 2013):
Well first, I think you were right to end the connection between the two of you, disappointing as i'm sure it was!
If this woman was to go through with it, I don't think you will be held accountable. You have neither done or said anything wrong or that should trigger this kind of reaction.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 March 2013):
 No. What you should do is contact the National Suicide Prevention hotline about her. They might even advise you what to do. There are chances she won't do this, and that she only said these things to regain control of the situation. When I read " she's going to make sure she takes me with her if when she does," I got scared and thought she's going to kill you too. In that case, there will be no you to be held accountable. She probably meant she will make sure you are there to witness that. She is definitely mental.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): Any threat of suicide should be taken seriously.
If she has threatened to kill herself, then call the police IMMEDIATELY.
Not only do you need to protect yourself from her, you need to protect her husband and children as well as herself from her.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 I wouldn't think you'd be held accountable.
I mean, you have proof right? "She has continued to message me" which seems to imply that you have something from her (letter, email, instant messaging logs) which says she is threatening to commit suicide and blame it on you.
You had a perfectly good reason to leave her. Unless you coerced her, encouraged her, helped her commit suicide, I don't think you'll be in any trouble.
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