A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend on, off for almost a year. I have a problem with his ex who he is very best friends with. I looked at messages on his phone and he tries to horny chat with her, he even told her he was just with me to pass the time, even though she is trying to sort out her own marriage, I feel uncomfortable they way they are with each other, even calling her sexy. He hasn't even told her I moved in with him and that he proposed to me, do I have anything to worry about? It's really eating away at me
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female
reader, Scotlass65 +, writes (3 August 2013):
 He says if he really wanted to be with her he would have jumped on a plane to Spain he's had a couple of relationships since they split, but I still feel he holds a torch for her, it seems one sided from his part though from what I read in the messages
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 August 2013):
 Yes, you HAVE a LOT to worry about.
First off he is telling her that he is JUST with you to pass time? Seriously? Even if that isn't the whole truth perhaps, but WHY would he say that if there wasn't SOME truth in it?
Secondly, he tries to engage her in HORNY chats? As in sexting? That means they AREN'T really friends, at least not from HIS end of it.
Thirdly he pretends (to her at least) that you are not at all important to him. Now if they were JUST friends would you think that was OK?
I'd say find a place to stay/rent and move yourself out. Then leave the ring (if he gave you one) and leave him.
What do you think will happen the MOMENT her marriage is no longer working ?
Sorry, I would NOT accept in being used like that. He is treating you like you are second best, if that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): Thank you for your feedback much appreciated
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (2 August 2013):
 Um yes you do have something(s) to worry about I'm afraid, and you've written them all down in your post.
These are the red flags that YOU wrote:
1) you have been "on and off" - don't know what the reasons for this are but I'd be concerned about the inconsistency.
2) he is clearly not over his ex, and I would actually regard the attempting sexting as cheating
3) he calls her "sexy" in front of you? Utter disrespect.
4) he is hiding his committment with you from his "best friend", making me question his real level of committment.
5) he tells her he is "passing time" with you!!! Again, utter disrespect and plain disgusting. He will probably go back to his ex (if she wants him back), and drop you like a hot potato.
I would take a deep breath, summon up your strength, and confront all of these issues with him - or just pack up and leave. He is not behaving like a normal fiance. Does he respect you, care for you, love you?
I also question what sort of man he his to be involved with a married woman in the first place. I wonder what her husband thinks of his wife's "best friend"?
OP, I'm in agreement with BimBim - wouldn't you better off without him?
Good luck and sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear. x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 August 2013):
 Yes, you do have a lot to worry about.
But I think you'd have it anyway even without the ex gf. On and off, and in the very first year, is generally a very bad sign of a , basically, non-relationship that it's cranked up by other reasons than love and compatibility ( convenience, lazyness, fear of loneliness etc.etc.. ) and rather than just flowing will chug along only until something else comes within reach.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 August 2013):
 You know, if somebody told their ex they were with me just to pass the time I would be giving them the old heave ho!
Have you asked him why he said such a dreadful thing, not that there would be any answer acceptable to me?
Are you sure your life would not be much, much better without him in it?
You need to decide if you are happy being his second best or if you are going to step up and tell him he isn't good enough for you?
It's your choice to continue accepting his behaviour, or to get out. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): My goodness yes you have lots to worry about!!! Either he is telling her the truth and he doesn't love you so the marriage plans mean nothing. Or else he is lying to her to try to get her to come back to him. Whether or not he intends to leave you when she becomes available or keep you and have an affair with her remains to be seen. There is just no good outcome from this.
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