A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everybody. I have this huge problem and i really need sincere help. It is getting worse every day. Please please before judging me …read this and put yourself in my situation. It’s long but I can’t make it shorter …Last year I moved to a new school in new country. In the beginning I was struggling with my studies since I’m learning in a new language. This teacher Mr F is not teaching me but he was giving me help. He is in the fourties (I asked him about his age but I think he lied. He is older by few years) whenever I go to see my teacher I meet him there as they teach the same subject. He helps my teacher in explaining and my teacher likes that, he even lets him explain and goes for his work. I’ve been happy to find someone who can help me as I love my studies and I’m interested in understanding every single thing. The story started when he started helping me after school. He offered me the opportunity to do my experiment with him and he gave me great help how to do my work. That was very nice and I liked that. He was friendly and respectful. He knows how I love my work to be perfect and he loves my interest in my studies. Later, we started having some discussions about global issues, politics and religions. We had different opinions but we enjoy our discussions as scientists. He is very smart, educated and interested in knowing things and investigating them, and this is important to me as I like to discuss, search and wonder about the world. We were discussing interesting topics, exchanging emails and spending time together. We were acting like friends. Then, my teacher of another subject who is his friend started teasing us, he said once: hey you..what’s going on between you..you are together all the time. Mr F laughed but I tried to explain what happened but it seemed to me that Mr F didn’t mind. They are very close friends. I go to see him every day and we spend most of our free block together just talking about news, wars not about personal things. He asks me personal questions and tries to get involved in my life…he asks about my past about everything…Our relation has been changed very quickly, he was very nice, he compliments me all the time but then he became very flirty, he teases me all the time, and tries hard to keep our relation. I tease him back but without any intentions, it’s my nature to tease. He invites me to talk to him all the time. Whenever he stays after school to teach his students, he asks me to stay with him (I have to stay after school for some work so he invites me to do it in his class) and teases me while teaching. He laughs at anything I say; he says I’m interesting, funny and smart. He also touches me on every occasion, which makes me a bit confused. I don’t know whether it’s just ‘accidently’ or ‘intentionally’. He puts his hand on my arm, on my shoulder, he even hits me sometimes. Whenever we are in his class, his body bombs at mine. He sits close to me. When we work using computer, I feel his hand passes over mine and an urge passes through all my body. A day I was writing on the board and he wants to take the pen (there are many there but he took the one I have), his hands covers mine and I felt his hands very warm. All of this makes me confused, I don’t know whether it’s just accident and I’m paranoid or it’s reality and I’m afraid of it. When I’m sad and I have problems at school or at home, he asks me about my problems and tried to help me. Whenever he sees me stressed he insists to help me and encourage me to talk to him. He also encourages me to touch him. A day we were working with his computer and then the icon was in front of him but he told me that he doesn’t know it and asked me to guide him. His hand was on the mouse. I couldn’t touch him so I asked him to give me the mouse. I don’t know whether I’m overthinking or he is overreacting. He is married and he loves his wife very very much. These days, I’ve seen him staring at me while I don’t look at him. I can’t be brave and turn towards him so I just ignore all the things that can affect our relation. I don’t have feelings towards him. I’m not interested in men nor women. He knows that. He even said twice (in my presence) that I’m cold and a harsh woman. I treat him coldly, I try to keep him away. I really need help. I cannot mention all the details…This story is very long… is he flirting with me? Or just being friendly. I like his friendship, we are happy together, we laugh at everything. We have a lot of things in common…Personally I don’t want any personal relationship…I’ve rejected many of the guys I know. I hope you read all of it and give me sincere advices
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flirt, my ex, my teacher, teasing Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your help
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): He is your teacher but he is also a grown married man. He could very well be attracted to you, but probably tries to be discreet and tries to contain himself. Sounds like he tests you to see if you're into him sexually. He could get in a lot of trouble if he took things further. But if you're feeling sexual tension from him, I doubt it's your imagination. You're also spending too much quality alone time with him, it's inappropriate and you may be sending the wrong message to him.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 Is it possible that you are just a favorite student? Is it possible that he just considers you as more of a friend than he considers most students?
If you are very uncomfortable and truly believe his feelings for you go past just friendship or favorite student treatment, You should report him. I know that's hard, but it will help sort out the situation. Make absolutely sure that you feel this way before you report though, as this will greatly affect his career and both of your lives. That is not saying you shouldn't report him if he's being inappropriate, that is only saying use some caution.
Best of Luck
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