A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:First off, I'm just going to say that this might not be the best looking question in terms of spacing.I was wondering if some of you have ever gone through a gay/bi phase? This is a very embarassing thing for me to say, but I'm gay. I'm sure of it, and I'm not proud of what I am.I was really hoping that I could just be going through a strange phase, being 15 and all.I'm not going to ask if it's normal, but has anyone had this happen to them and turn straight once they were older? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlthough I've recieved a variety of answers from all of you, I would like to thank each of you for taking the time to respond.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): It's very unlikely that at your age you are dyed-in-the-wool gay or straight. Even if your feelings run strong in one direction now, they could change, mix and change back again a dozen times in your life. the teens are a period of finding adulthood, identity, sexuality and development. to claim you have it all wrapped up and etched in stone now is just not true.I'm 42 and going through a bi "phase" for the first time. So I can tell you that sexual phases do exist...especially that young. When I was a young teen, I was convinced I was gay simply because I did not have femal friends and seemed to be rejected by them. I was also obsessed with masturbation and fantasizing about men abd women...mostly women. Of course, I was naiive, and you sound much less so. But I now have a 14 y.o. son, and I see the same confusion...not so much over being gay, but over the uncertainty of relationships, love, sex and self.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): I'm 13 and I'm a lesbian. I know some of you may say you're too young but that's not true. I was really scared at first but slowly I began telling people and I found ou t they're really good with it. Now I'm proud of who I am. I mean once I let it out it felt so much better and I knew I was right. it was like something had been missing and I had found it. So just take you're time
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): Relax. It doesn't matter. If you're not sure just give it some time and it will probably become clearer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for the advice. But if there is anyone else that is going to respond to this, let me give you some information on me, and growing up.
I've grown up liking girls, but the past year or so, the attraction to them faded (hopefully not for long). I never even wanted to think about the possibility of being gay. I've never had a relationship with another guy, but I can't say I wouldn't give it a shot. Also, relationships with girls have been getting dull.
I'd say more but my browser wont letme
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): You could be bi curious which is like going through a phase but this is highly irregular and the possibity of you being gay is higher...: wish I was straight so know what you're going through
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reader, unknown2u +, writes (19 August 2011):
Absoultely it can be just a phase. I didn't feel perhaps as stongly as you, but I definitely had same-sex attraction in my early teens. Never did anything about it, and was totally into girls shortly thereafter. That's why I never suggest to people in their teens to rush to come out -- with all the hormones and stuff going on, what seems certain today may be quite different next year.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): First off hon, above all else, be PROUD of who you are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and if you have a tendency to like men rather than women, then that is who you are and you should embrace it. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Saying so is like saying you're embarrassed to be a brunette or to be a guy. Just silly.
Secondly, if you are sure that you are gay, why are you asking in the first place? It is best to accept and love oneself rather than try to make excuses or hide from the world. Again, be proud of who you are.
To answer your question though, yes I believe many people go through a stage where they question their sexuality at some point. I'm a straight female, but I was worried and confused from 11-14 as to whether I was actually bi or lesbian due to my tomboyish nature and how I always just fit in as 'one of the guys' rather than a source of attraction. I thought women were attractive and still do, but time has shown me that I'm not sexually attracted to them.
Point is though that if you have reached a conclusion (that you're gay), then that is your answer. There is no phase you're going through that'll pass. It is who you are. Embrace it.
Take care and best of luck!
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reader, serenity80  +, writes (19 August 2011):
I've known a couple of mates who, in their teens, experimented with guys, and thought that they were gay, when in fact, they weren't. On the other hand, I've had friends who knew they were gay ever since they were children.
Going through adolescence can be a tough and confusing time, as you are only starting to develop your identity as an adult in the world.
Don't ever be embarrassed for whatever you think or feel, go with whatever feels right but if you are unsure about something, give yourself more time to think it over so that you can be sure of any decisions that you make that may affect your future.
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reader, confused? +, writes (19 August 2011):
 I know exactly how you feel. I was 16 and the same thing happened it me, I thought I might be gay and couldn't bear to face the fact that might have to be me forever. It wasn't who I thought I'd be or what I wanted, it was the hardest two years of my life.
I'm 19 now. And I can't tell you it was a phase. I'm sleeping with girls not guys and I'm happy. But what I will say is that, if you find the right friends when you leave school (it might be hard right now, I don't think schools are a very welcoming place to be gay) and a place you feel at home. You may be able to see sexuality more openly. When I was your age, I was desperately trying to box myself into a mould, I was gay bi or straight, that's how I thought it had to be. Now I have a huge group of queer friends where it no longer matters. I sometimes joke to myself that 'I'm too gay to be straight but too straight t be gay' but I know I'm not bi, that's not the identity I want. That explanation sometimes troubles me as it kind of leaves me with nothing! But it shows that understanding ones sexuality is a long journey and I think questioning it is a beautiful thing that will enable you to be much more fulfilled in the long term.
I also have some friends who strongly identify as queer but are in 'hetrosexual' relationships. I think part of what at first seemed an aversion to men in me was the fact I didn't want to live a hetronormative life. So in that way you could say it was a phase, I am open to dating men now because I feel it doesn't have to trap me. However, I also do not want to in terms of how I feel right now (but I wouldn't rule it out forever).
The best advice I can give you is to say that you need to work on not minding. It may be a phase but something that will still have played a really important part of your life. Or it may not be. What matters is you and your feelings towards your own sexuality. If you feel isolated in your feelings right now, I know I how hard that is, but there is a world out there which is more openminded. Good luck mate, I hope you find a way through this :)
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