A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i've been looking for answers to my predicament online, and i found this website--people seem to give actual answers--so i thouhgt i'd give it a shot. i met an older guy (he's 24, I'm 19) at a place i worked for a few months. --long story short: i was a waitress, he was a cook. he was really sweet (but not in a creepy way) and kinda asked me on a date...i knew he had a girlfriend, so i told him that. he then told me how the gf was breaking up with him and moving clear across the country at the end of the month....so i gave him my number. one of my last days at work (this is...like, a day after i gave him my number) he was walking me out and i decided to kiss him. (i call it the shirt grab.) he took well to it. (meaning, thumbs up)after i quit he texted me almost every day "hi" "how are you" type stuff. and i would keep the conversation going. --b/c he gave very emo answers. like, "alright", and "the same" (meaning him dealing with the gf leaving/his busy work schedule)it would often move in a frisky direction...he liked the idea of showering with me. he asked me for pictures of certain outfits. i gave them to him (all classy) so, this much i knew: he's horny; he's interested. --i'm only looking for a summer fling anyway, so WHY not? i reasoned--everytime i asked him to hang out though--as in sometime, he couldnt, or or would say "i'd like that" but would never follow through. i took his sucking at life to be because he was working a 8hr work day every single day, and he was genuinely upset about the gf leaving him. (also, she lived with him still--which has got to be upsetting) eventually, i got tired of his "hey" texts and asked him straight up: do you want to hook up for the rest of the summmer?he asked what i meant by "hook up" --which i read to mean (a) he wants to be respectful of what i want to do (b) he wants to know if its worth it --i'm a virgin, and have never done anything...down there. (no handjob, no bj, no touching or anything) --it just hasn't happened, or i've rebuffed anyone's efforts to... --i told him just making out an having fun.he digged. ...fast forward, i'm at his house that night. in his room. on his bed. making out. my shirt came off, as did my bra. i'm fine with that. enjoyable =) even though i'm a virgin, etc, i know what goes on down there--i'm no stranger to it. so...i teased him. and when he...asked me to "straighten him out" and i didn't (i just didn't know what/how to do anything! and i didnt want to try anything out on him--he's just not the guy)and then told him no...he got a little frustrated. i legitimately felt bad though, and the talk turned to me not being experienced, and he was like "you're a virgin?" i answered yes, and he said "i respect that" (good!!) and he said something else about actually respecting that. --meaning it was a good thing i wasn't a whore. hooray.we made out a bit more...but the mood was kind of killed. i left a while later.he texted me 2 days later, but the convo went NO WHERE. another 2 days and i texted him. when he wasnt answering very enthusiastically, i told him, "sorry to annoy"he said "you never annoy me dear"that was 3 days ago and i havent heard from him.1. so...basically, i blue balls-ed him, right? i don't actually know. 2. he was expecting more "fun", and is disappointed i won't/didn't give it to him?3. --the gf finally left and now he's actually depressed? 4. is he just a horny, depressed guy who is really confused/looking for someone to "help out"?i feel needy texting him again. but i am really tempted to either ask him to hook up again (but am afraid to be rejected) or just to ask him in general if he wants to at all. i'm perfectly fine never seeing this guy again (i go back to college in a month), i just want to know....so, any insight...? thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for answering guys!
and...i agree. ...and i do know that he was expecting more.
--sidenote though, he mentioned, a little frustrated, i might add, "we're not talking sex here"..when i wouldn't help out down there. so...that made me glad. so he was just mad about that other business not happening. cool.
ugh, this is when i'm a little mad at still being inexperienced--not that i'm going to rush out and change that.
so much for my summer fling =(
A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (3 August 2009):
You gave him all the right signals, then didn't want to go foward... I'd say it's over, don't try anymore, it will not give any kind of good results.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 August 2009):
The problem is, you teased him. You were giving him ALL the signals that you were ready to get it on, and you bailed. So it probably pissed him off, so he just considers you a tease and isn't going to get anywhere with you. Really, you should just move on from him, he just wants sex and you don't want to give it to him. He's probably not at all in the position for any sort of relationship so everything is going to go nowhere anyway. There's really no point in hooking up with him anymore since he wants the full deal and you're not going to give it to him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (3 August 2009):
 I believe he expected more, and was disappointed that there wasn't. But, that's okay. It's not at all your fault. You're a virgin, which it's nice for you to say "he's not the one." You recognize waiting for that special someone, instead of just giving it up. Be proud of that. He knew that getting together with you, respected it and shouldn't have expected more.
I wouldn't contact him. Seems as if your making the effort to contact, and he's not. I'd wait to see if he contacts you. If not, just move on. There's no reason for you to keep doing it over and over again and not getting really any communication back from him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): Points 1, 2 and 4 - yep, you got it. Point 3? Maybe. Maybe she's still around.
He hasn't got the patience to wait until you're married or whatever point in your life you decide to put out.
Life's a bitch sometimes but he just has to accept that this is you. This is how you are. Don't feel pressured. You only put out when you want to. REALLY want to.
Sensible girl.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): Yes you probably gave him blue balls. It is a horrible feeling - as if someone assaulted the testicles - and nobody wants to experience it. No amount of making out or chest grabbing is worth that amount of pain. It doesn't even go away after ejaculation, it can linger for hours. For this reason guys don't really want to just make out unless they have a feeling they'll get some sort of action that leads to ejaculation. So he may have been put off by that. Or maybe he was just disappointed. Usually when someone says they 'hooked up' with someone they mean they had sex and you probably got his hopes up.
That said, I think it's great that you're keeping your pants on. Some girls are just a little too...promiscuous. When you meet someone you want to be with it he will probably appreciate that you're a virgin.
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