A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a man for 11 months now. It is a long distance relationship but we see each other every two weeks for four days at a time or more and we talk every night. It didn't take long after we first started dating to start talking about a future together. We both have children. My kids are early twenties and out of hte house. His kids have just started college. Im 49 He's 59. Six months ago he decidded that he wanted his kids to move in with him. He wants me to move to be with him but is that every a good idea? Im an empty nester now and not excited about moving into a house with college kids. I do love him but having struggled to get my own kids raised and grown, I just don't know if I can sign up for this. What do you think? I feel bad for not wanting to join him and his kids but that wasn't his situation when we started dating and I really struggled to put my girls through college so much so that I really want it to finally be a little more abou tme now. What do you think? Am I being selfish?
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Hi
Do what YOU want, you didn't sign up for looking after his children, its a new situation. I would still see him for now, if he agrees, but hold back on the moving in and explain why. As you say, you've been there done that and it's your turn now!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 I agree with C.Grant ,there's no such thing as " being selfish " at 49 once you have raised your own family. Chances are that you have already been giving so much, that now you are fully entitled to " take " a little for yourself only : some freedom, some me time... Beside,at the beginning of a cohabitation both parties should be all enthusiastic and fired up about it, - even living with your own flesh and blood has its challenges, imagine with a relative "newcomer"- it's inevitable that there are going to be moment of friction, of tension, of mutual adjustment, if either one is already lukewarm from the start toward the idea of living together, it can magnify the difficulties and make things end in a big mess.
Then again, I guess it all depends from the people and the specific circumstances.
Like, is this male only household waiting for a sweet , 50's style caretaker which will take up herself all the cooking, cleaning, errands, laundry,... or is everybody independent and pulling his weight ? Are these college boys loud , party-loving types that have set up their own little frat house at home, with people coming and going all the time, or are they quiet, considerate and respectful? How do they feel about this possible addition to the household , would it be possible to have a pleasant friendly relationship with them , or would you be dealing with stony faces and hostile silences ?...
If these grown up kids are manageable, and so far it has been smooth sailing ,... maybe it would not be that bad.
In fact, living with , or around, younger people ,( the right young people and the right living situation , of course ) CAN be a joy and an advantage , it keeps you emotionally young, mentally stimulated, physically more active , and always au courant with the latest fads and trends :).
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 At 49 and having successfully raised your kids, you're entitled to want things to be "a little more about me". In spades.
If you aren't enthusiastic about living with him and his kids, don't do it. Maintain the status quo. If he's not comfortable with that, then perhaps it would be better to find someone who's also an empty nester. Don't be influenced by labels like 'selfish' that people are so quick to toss at others.
Enjoy your freedom. You've earned it!
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